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Extra-curricular activities

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Original poster

Is it very bad to pressure DD to take up a brass instrument?

94 replies

BarneyBoots · 04/03/2015 21:03

Dd is a pretty handy Grade 4 piano, and joining a girls secondary school next year with a good reputation for music. New school have written to ask if we want to arrange any lessons - and it's crystalised a long conversation about how it would be a good time to take up an 'ensemble' instrument.

Dd opening gambit: cello. I veto based on too heavy to carry 30 mins to school every day. Plus DS2 plays cello - and I think it would upstage him.

Gambit 2: violin or flute. I'm negative about these too - on the basis that there will be squillions of horribly squeaky violins and flutes at an all-girls school - and that DD would be 'behind' people that had played them for years.

Gambit 3: Clarinet. I am less rabidly negative - but it is DS1s instrument (it does seem rude to upstage - though DS1 is a more robust character than DS2). Also the issue of likely over-supply @ school. And a wider accusation of failure of imagination - on the basis that her reasoning is "XXX plays it & sounds nice" .

DH is projecting his thwarted ambitions onto his daughter strongly pro drum lessons. DD is open to that - but she wonders if she is too shy to be an effective drummer (and I'm inclined to agree. Plus rhythm is the weakest part of her piano playing).

OP posts:
Original poster
BarneyBoots · 04/03/2015 21:09

Posted too soon (what an epic! Thanks for reading!)

I'm pushing the case for brass instruments (specifically trumpet/cornet ).

My argument is that it would be a minority instrument - and unlikely that anyone would have learnt it in primary school - so there would be rapid payoff in terms of ensemble playing opportunities.

A trumpet won't have her whinging for a lift every week - and easily transfers between classical music and Jazz - or even poppy/rocky type groups (though of course she'll still have her piano). it's also so much cooler to be a female brass player than a flautist

Her objections can be largely described as 'it's a novelty instrument and you look like a toad when you play' . Which I think is all about that her exposure to brass to date is Oompa Loompa type bands. I've showed her some YouTube clips - but she's not convinced.

OP posts:
Original poster
BarneyBoots · 04/03/2015 21:13

Bassoon got rejected as 'that looks stupid'.

I vetoed double bass as 'too boring for words' (maybe an unfair prejudice...?).

Viola is maybe a compromise but DH threatens to move out if he has to tolerate another beginner strings player .

Oboe is offered - and is actually the instrument I play - but IME it is rather niche.

And oodles of fab brass (cornet/French horn/euphonium/tuba/trombone) - but if she thinks cornet looks daft then I'm unlikely to persuade her to trombone!

So..... Where to go....?

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clearsommespace · 04/03/2015 21:15

Given the committment required, the whole concept of pressuring DCs to take up a particular instrument odd to me.

I agree there are lots of advantages to being a female brass musician. I just can't imagine head winning over heart in any debate about music with my DCs.

ooerrmissus · 04/03/2015 21:16

Sorry but there are tons of trumpets at our prep school. And you do look funny when you play.

I'd suggest something a bit different. Bassoon? Or saxophone? That's cool and transferable.

ooerrmissus · 04/03/2015 21:17

X post re bassoon!

ClashCityRocker · 04/03/2015 21:18

I thought trumpets and cornets were quite popular?

I'd let her play the instrument she wants to play.

But saxophones are pretty cool? ok technically a woodwind

trice · 04/03/2015 21:19

If she is shy brass would be a mistake. There is nowhere to hide with a cornet. They are really loud and prone to honking even with good players. You have to be able to style it out.

Go sax - best of both worlds.

HeyMicky · 04/03/2015 21:19

I've long said that if DD wants to learn an instrument it will be French horn. And I'm only half joking. Not too popular, "feminine", transportable, lovely mellow sound and can use a mute Wink

ClashCityRocker · 04/03/2015 21:21

I always wanted to learn to play the harp....

londonmum789 · 04/03/2015 21:23

DD1 plays the French Horn and it's fab. Guaranteed orchestra place and also works for wind groups. Nice sound too. But awkward to carry.
I think brass instruments for girls are great! Would definitely recommend. We're thinking about the saxophone for DD3.

Original poster
BarneyBoots · 04/03/2015 21:34

French horn got a look .

Sax is a 'maybe' if ds1 won't 'share' clarinet.

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Littlef00t · 04/03/2015 21:36

I played the trumpet at school, and was rather disappointed with the music I had to play, rarely following the tune and a struggle transposing from b flat all the time when playing privately.

What about sax? So cool!

stealthsquiggle · 04/03/2015 21:40

Harp would be her ultimate revenge for you trying to choose for her Grin. You would have to swap your car for a transit van.

Sax is cool. Or euphonium.

Bramshott · 04/03/2015 21:41

I think you can only subtly suggest - it's got to come from them really.

DD1 (12) played clarinet first (I was unsure, for all the reasons you've stated) but has now also taken up the bassoon after only a minor bit of subtle brainwashing from me

DD2 (8) is about to start the flute. I am very Hmm as an ex-very-average-flautist myself, but hey, she's keen, and that's the main thing. If they're not keen, they won't practise...

MrsTawdry · 04/03/2015 21:46

Why am I the only poster confused as to why you would veto ANY instrument she was interested in? Confused If she wants to play double bass then why would you try to make her play something else? Unless she's massively talented what does it matter anyway?

PeaceOfWildThings · 04/03/2015 21:48

Her choice entirely. Would base it on what she enjoys playing and the kind of professional intrumentists she likes listening to, and would like to emulate. I think.it's very unfair to stop her playing an instrument because a sibling plays. Think of the duets!

Fingering for clarinet is similar to saxaphone, perhaps your clarinetist would like a sax?

Original poster
BarneyBoots · 04/03/2015 21:48

DH is back home - pushing the case for drums as something with a good effort to reward ratio in terms of how quickly you can sound 'good' and the variety of playing opportunities.

He's not buying 'shy' as a barrier.

Can you be a shy drummer...?

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PeaceOfWildThings · 04/03/2015 21:49

Also, get a cello case with wheels!

FuckOffGroundhog · 04/03/2015 21:55

Incredibly unfair to not let her 'upstage' her brothers by playing the same instrument. Why does she have to play something she isn't interested in because theyve already chosen the fun instruments

Sgtmajormummy · 04/03/2015 21:56

One thing to consider about trumpet: does she wear a permanent brace or are you expecting her to need one? My dentist assured me it wouldn't be a problem but it turned out to be impossible for my son to play with it. Six months before an important trumpet exam. He had to switch to an Invisalign which is much more expensive. Shock

Original poster
BarneyBoots · 04/03/2015 21:58

The cello is a total veto. I just can't drive her around all the time - and she and DS2 have a bit of a 'dynamic' where she tends to eye-roll him a bit too much and he takes it all a bit too hard. She is 4 years older and already 'borrows' his cello to 'show him' how to play his pieces... If she starts - he'll quit.

The clarinet is a maybe. There isn't the size barrier - and her and DS1 are more evenly matched from the PoV of him not feeling upstaged - and to give possibility of duets etc.

I stick to my view that flute and violin are dull and competitive at the same time. She's just not a natural flautist. She's always up a tree or glueing something together. On the piano - she's very into picking out tunes she knows/making up her own music/a bit of Jazz.

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Seekingtheanswers · 04/03/2015 22:03

YABU. My parents pushed me into playing the oboe when I was a kid, mainly because of the supply & demand argument, and also because my DSis already played the cello. I never really liked the oboe as an instrument, and I wasn't interested in playing it, so I never really practised much. I wish now that I had been able to try something else. Ironically, I'm sure my parents would have let me change, had I been vocal enough, but I didn't want to disappoint.

Please let your dd choose what she wants to play.

Original poster
BarneyBoots · 04/03/2015 22:06

(Tbf - she was offered an orchestral instrument when DS1 & DS2 began theirs (she's the oldest) - and could have had the cello then. The current cello 'thing' is mainly because she seems to think she is already a pro from swiping DS1s instrument and picking out tunes on it.

She said at the time that piano was her thing - and she still feels that way. Just from the school/ensemble/group playing PoV it's a bit limited.)

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canny1234 · 04/03/2015 22:07

God,to be quite honest you do sound very much of a over a controlling pain.Just let your daughter learn whatever she wants to.Half the battle is getting mine to practice at all and they are all playing instruments they like.My very petite daughter is playing the Double bass,2 sons play guitar and drums,plus one on violin.They all play Piano and find it a major advantage in helping them progress.Will the school let her have a trial go to see what instrument she would enjoy/have an aptitude for ?

ooerrmissus · 04/03/2015 22:10

Drums are fecking noisy. And take up a hell of a lot of room. I think you can be a shy drummer as there's a lot of instrument to hide behind.

I would be minded to let her make the ultimate decision. As PP said, if she's not interested she won't practise.