Tiger/helicopter parents/ Have you been accused.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I am posting here but could apply just as easy as if placed in G*T or Education.

Has anybody been accused of the above by other parents, friends or worst a relative. Me and dh have always encouraged our children to be involved with activities as we think it important. We have 2 older dcs (20,17) and dd 8. the older ones had lots of encouragement and did activities for a while but one by one they went and now have one or 2 hobbies, which we still support when they are willing for us to, lol. My sister announced she was worried about me as I do too much for dd and didn't do the same for her brothers, this was to my dh. I was gob smacked. Dh and I named all the opportunities they were given and the support and encouragement that was no different to dd, except she has continued hers. She said I was a pushy mum and ruining her life. My sister has no control over her dd who is spoilt rotten and has no interests.

It occured to me that maybe other parents who have self motivating children may have experienced this and how they deal with it. I am posting this with a large stick attached to my hand whilst beating dd whilst she practices. I guess some people don't believe that children have their own minds and they won't continue activities they no longer enjoy.

Good post :-)

I'm not going to give you my point of view but rather my experiences growing up with a Tiger Mum and where I am today. My mother was a true Tiger Mum (from a communist country in Asia - I won't name where to protect my identity). We were immigrants to this country and my parents could not accept the style of education being taught in this here. I'm just saying the style of teaching was different to how my Mum was brought up (so please don't flay me for saying so!).

Expectations during my childhood was extremely high for all activities and straight A's were expected. I felt the pressure even at Primary school to outdo/perform and be the best. I got into an excellent school. It was taken for granted I'd go to University. Same for all my extended family. Tiger parenting was the norm in my parent's social circle as well.

Fast forward to today, and myself and my siblings are all degree educated (minimum 1st degree). I have a well paid job in the city. My cousins are in the medical industry qualified as doctors, pharmacists. All my asian friends are lawyers/doctors/dentists and a number are Oxbridge graduates with heavy weight careers. IMO - This is by no coincidence. [BTW - I turned out ok and still get on with my parents].

In my workplace, I have a German speaking colleague who are taking their kids to learn Mandarin on Saturdays. My workplace will only interview graduates that have top University grades (not just top grades but from top IVY league/redbrick Universities) and we receive hundreds of graduate applications globally for every vacancy we have.

So although we can all debate what's right/wrong the best of way to teach our kids, there are parents like my German colleague who is doing everything they can to get their kids to the front. We need to realise this even for our kids to stand a chance as we are on a global competing (and global standards) platform to obtain a 'good well paid' job in today's workplace.

Another post but this time, I'm posting an opinion .

I think the best thing parents can instil in their children (in terms of education) is discipline, 100% effort and perseverance. If my kids could be good at those, I'm sure it'd take them through life, a ok. That's what I was taught by my parents - much more important calculus or quantum mechanics......

The way you were brought up was unhealthy though. I have seen many parents like this and they cannot accept that their child is not as able as another child and the pressure on the child is immense. If every parent in this country had the same ethic as your parents then you may have been bottom of the class as someone has to be. You have a happy life because you were being competitive in a non-competitive environment. I wonder how your parents would have treated you if you had been less successful compared to your peers.

This type of parenting is based on conditional love.

Sorry, found this too late. reminded me of last summer when DS's best friend broke his little finger in a play fight at school literaly few day after his piano exam (phew). I am still so proud of myself for not murdering the little monster . None of my non musical mums friends could understand the horror!
So no rugby or anything involving catching balls for him !
Get a lot of grief from other about it from other mums who's DS are at it all the time and never ever damage their fingers.. but I just can't take the chances. I think I am chicken mother :(

Pianomama, you can imagine my horror when DS told me he was making barbed-wire traps at his home ed camp the other day!

Just interesting that the self-confessed 'pushy/helicopter' parents who don't make their Dc do chores because the DC are 'too busy' all have sons...

I wouldn't make a daughter do chores either. They have plenty time to learn how to wash a plate when they are older!

Colleger: quite right. I have two daughters and neither did regular chores; reckoned they were too busy: demanding schools, extra-currics (see above, self-confessed pushy mother). Turned out OK - both pitch in now without being asked. Contrast with me at same age: sole girl, lots of housework of all kinds, resented it horribly, wriggled out of as much as possible, moaned about brothers not being expected to wash, iron, cook (early 1970s - get real girl!). Consider me lucky, my girls inherited OH's hard-working uber-conscientious genes.

Starry Cole: "I think the best thing parents can instil in their children (in terms of education) is discipline, 100% effort and perseverance." Spot-on. Add to that self-confidence.

Colleger - I think we should wrap them up in cotton wool, literally - especially their hands :) . They can call us whatever they like - I dont really care - do you?

My DS does some chores though...

I now don't carry any bags or luggage. Boys can be a blessing...