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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

DS 9 and football. Need your point of views to help me decide

71 replies

strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 11:59

Hi all. DS 9 has been playing footbal for 4 years. The last 2 years he has been playing in a team.
2010-11 he went to trials and got picked by a very good team (under 9s) but he lost his confidence when playing with kids better than him and rarely played (maybe 7-10 mins). This was a huge waste of our time and petrol but we kept on going.
He then trialled for another team for this year as the coach told us that he wouldn't keep him on. He was fine with this as he wanted to leave as 'everyone else is better than me', despite pep talks along the lines of "keep going, you are good too" but still keeping it realistic, the others were better than him. BUT we feel he let his lack of confidence get in the way and that;s why his skills went down.
He got a place with a team for 2011-12 and it's been 50/50. The coach will keep him on BUT DS started to play badly again, not pressuring ball, not kicking hard enough so depsite 15 chances to score yesterday NO GOAL. My dad says it isn't up to just him to score and the others aren't necessarily better than him as team lose every game and everyone is same level.
My question is ... do we have a word with him and tell him that he should use his efforts elsewhere? He swims for a bridging squad and could put him time to use there. He plays guitar and is being entered for exam and teacher says his progression is fantastic.
Does he like it??? I've asked him and sometimes he says he does and others he says he doesn't. Arrgh ...feel as though we need to decide for him? Or do we carry on as we are for another year? Coach told us yesterady he is happy for everyone to carry on for another year.
With regard to confidence I'm not sure it does him any good to always be shouted at 'X why are you just watching?', 'X why didn't you pressure' etc.
He always leaves the pitch very flat but is quick to forget about it and never says that he doesn't want to go to football.
He is also in Scouts so he does socialise with others....please help me get some perspective on this. DH wants him to stop as he feels that he can play for school (he does) and use his time after school / weekend on other hobbies or just relaxing.
TIA xxxx

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Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 12:00

that was long, sorry!

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tantrumsandballoons · 26/03/2012 12:13

I've got to say it does sound like he is not enjoying it very much.
I have 2 DS aged 13 and 8 who both play football. When my youngest first joined the team he was 7, he joined right at the beginning of the season so the others had been training together for 3 months before and he was not as "good" as them.

We had the same thing of only playing 5-10 per match and he was nervous when he did play do got shouted at a bit but he loved playing for a team, absolutely loves football and trained extra hard so he was equal to everyone else about a month in.

If he is saying that he doesn't want to go sometimes, he is deflated when the game finishes etc maybe he is just not enjoying it that much, if he loves it, then just give it time, it takes a while to settle in.

Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 12:18

thanks ... we have asked him if he loves football. For example DS 7 loves watching matches on TV but DS 9 coudln't care less. Interested in score so can discuss at school but not keen to learn off Rooney!!
I expected he would do what your son did tantrumsandballoons - and train extra hard. Instead I have the feeling that he can't be bothered.
This is why I have to question whether DH and I make the decision for him. It isn't as though he won't have anything else to do!!

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iseenodust · 26/03/2012 12:21

Sounds as if your DS is sporty but maybe not found his sport yet? I do think he has got to enjoy it for the majority of the time if he is to continue with it over and above playing with school. Why not give cricket or dodgeball or something else a try over the summer?

Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 12:22

Iseenodust - fab idea. Basketball (off to google) as he is very tall. Is it very physical??

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tantrumsandballoons · 26/03/2012 12:25

I don't know about you but we pay a lot of money each season and spend a lot of time going from game to game, I don't think I'd be so keen to do that if they didn't love it

iseenodust · 26/03/2012 12:27

No idea! My DS is similar in that he recognises football is key to being part of the crowd but it's not actually the sport he enjoys most.

seeker · 26/03/2012 12:27

There are plenty of clubs that don't treat children's football as if it's the Premier league- if he wants to play football, then find a club that suits him. Can't bear this "trialling" and "not keeping on" nonsense!

Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 12:32

Hi seeker - i have been worrying about him 'not being kept' on for 2 months!!
Yes, there is a soccer school (only £3 an hour) he could dip in and out of if he wants to carry on but I think school team (inclusive so no trials) should be enough.
Just looked into golf lessons and I think I will pay for a few over easter hols to see if this is something he may want to do instead.
tantrumsandballoons - I feel selfish saying that I don't want to drive him around and get full of cold for hours on end but I think we have had enough.
If he loved it / was the next best thing then I would sacrifice but when he has other hobbies he is better at then I am coming to the same decision as my DH.
Thnaks everyone for taking time to post :)

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seeker · 26/03/2012 12:37

Ds's football club has always been inclusive- if you turn up for training, you get as good a chance of being picked for the team as anyone. Obviously, this meant that in the early years they got beaten a lot, but everyone got to play a lot of football. This season they are 17 games in unbeaten and top of their league by miles. It doesn't have to be Premier Leagueish- you just need a coach with vision and nerve. And the hide of a rhinoceros- the parents of the "stars" are inclined to get irate when they get passed over for some poor little rabbit! But it's worth it in the end.

tantrumsandballoons · 26/03/2012 12:38

Seeker, IMO the whole point of competitive sport is to BE competitive which means you have to trial and train to be at the required level. Only the best players will play every match

It's not about taking it too seriously, it's competition which I personally don't think is a bad thing.

EdithWeston · 26/03/2012 12:42

I heaved an enormous sigh of relief when mine gave up club football!

I didn't mind home matches or training, but the away fixtures meant a lot o ferrying around and weird timings that had quite an impact on what the rest of the family could do. And the DSes were sound players, but often didn't get stuck in - spending too much time thinking about what to do rather than doing it IYSWIM. I always thought that if their play caught up with their thoughts, they'd be rather good, but for whatever reason it never happened. They liked footie, but were never desperately keen

But it can be hard to give up, because footie does loom large in the social life of boys that age, and if his mates play (whether or not at the same club), he loses out on something they have in common. A replacement sport would cover that gap.

In your shes, I think I'd be looking to find a good method to extricate.

seeker · 26/03/2012 12:43

But at 9 you don't know who the best players are. And if you consistently pick the early bloomers, the others will get demoralised and you''ll never know how good they might be. As I said, our inclusive is something like 34 points clear and unbeaten at the top of the league now at under 10, and some of the stars are kids who would have been dropped from a more conventional team. And crucially, everybody had a chance to play in matches from the beginning. The only criterion was "turn up for training".

scurryfunge · 26/03/2012 12:48

Try Rugby - it is more inclusive.

pigsinmud · 26/03/2012 12:49

My boys both do football. Ds1 has recently changed to a different village team as the club he had been with for years were not running an U14 team this year. Ds2 belongs to 2 clubs - one village one (our village and one ds2 used to belong to) and one of the local town clubs. They are all similar to the club seeker describes.

They are all inclusive and obviously some of the weaker players don't get quite as much time on the pitch as the stronger ones if it's a tight match. Last season ds1's team was in the A league and this season, with his new club, he is playing in the D league....which he enjoys so much more. They are still competitive, but it is fun and they are a TEAM - no stars.

Is your ds at a super good team? I have never heard local teams trialling?? Surely if they have space they take anyone unless it's Fulham juniors or something like that!

Coaches are also influential. The coaches my boys have are great - positive, encouraging and non-shouty. I can't stand shouty coaches! Ds2 lacks confidence and the Saturday team coach has been fantastic with him - really built up his confidence.

suburbandream · 26/03/2012 12:52

If he's playing for school already and doesn't seem to be enjoying the other club, I'd let him stop if he wants. Round our way there are plenty of non-competitive football classes, where the kids turn up for an hour, do some warm-ups, learn some skills then have a quick 20 minute game at the end. Could he play football in a less competitive environment near you, where he can just play for the fun of it?

pigsinmud · 26/03/2012 12:52

Plus as Seeker has said - ds2 used to look pretty ropey at football ... now one of the stronger players. He is small (u12) and doesn't look much of a threat, but has worked his way up from C team at U9 to A team at U12 - some of those "stars" at U9 couldn't take being "dropped" to the B team and gave up. Ds2 loves playing and will play in any team!

Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 12:58

schilke - not a super team and coach was very calm at the beginning of year but now shouty.
Last week he told DS off and DS shrugged his shoulders and he then lay ino him "why you shrugging at me etc?". DS is very well behaved (pain at home) so was shocked to have been spoken to like that.
DH thinks he should go elsewhere or new sport.
After listening to your comments I think he is right.

OP posts:
Maryz · 26/03/2012 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 13:00

Agree - one dad told me that he was ropey at 9 but made it into first team at 13 and has kept on playing, made friends for life.
I think I will have a talk over Easter and see how he feels about it all.
I'm going round in circles, aren't I?

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pigsinmud · 26/03/2012 13:02

Sounds like a dodgy coach. They can really undermine confidence. Ds1 had a similar sounding coach the other year - started season really happy and ended season standing on sidelines shaking his head saying "what was that ...can you not see your other players....have you forgotten how to kick a ball" you get the picture! Most of the team was demoralised by the end.

Is there another team you could try? Or another sport? My boys were terrified of rugby, but I think they picked that up from me because if I see in on the tv I tend to hide!

Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 13:03

Maryz - I can't stand the shouty dads. One even told me that he is pushing his son as he can see talent and if he makes it he will be rich. I was very shocked by his words and was open mouthed and couldn't think of an answer. So he carried on "don't you realize they get paid lots for doing very little?". So I answered ... what about the training / actual 90 mins of physical activity? All he was interested in was money, money, money. I then just said " I hope your son enjoys himself" and he answered "it doesn't matter, he will thank me one day".

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MissKeithLemon · 26/03/2012 13:03

I agree with scurryfunge - try another sport that is more inclusive!
My ds plays rugby league, and his team includes boys at all levels of ability. If they turn up for training on wednesday they will get to play a reasonable amount of actual game time at the weekend Smile It means that they sometimes lose games they could win if only the top ability level players played, but as a team and a sport in general (in my area) it is the taking part that matters the most! My dc likes football and has played with the school team, but from what I've seen of out of school football it is very competitive!

tantrumsandballoons · 26/03/2012 13:05

Football IS a competitive sport, or it should be.
I'm probably in the minority here but I don't think the only criteria should be just "turn up to training"

Original poster
strawberryjamlover · 26/03/2012 13:06

schilke - spot on. Exactly the same. Shouted at golie "don't you have hands" USE THEM" and other comments such as "what was that" "are you deaf". I hate to hear it as a teacher woudln't demoralise child in such a manner, what is the difference?
Yes, think will try another team. I don't think it does his confidence any good to be shouted especially as when he does anything good he doesn't praise. No - good effort or better luck next time (if he misses goal, happens often!) It'e left to me or DH to shout it very loudly.

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