i just prefer lighter weights....

[Soannoyingititchessobad]

i'm an 'experienced' gym-goer. I'm 46 and been using a gym pretty much my whole life since I was about 19, so I'm no stranger to exercise. I've lifted weights much of this time.

Everywhere I look all i here is 'lift heavy, lift heavy' and pretty much saying that unless you're not lifting heavy and progressively over-loading there's no point lifting, particularly for peri-meno women, which I am.

But when I lift weights that are heavy i.e. challenging for me, I just end up feeling crap and can't recruit the muscles I need to, or I can't maintain my core. It just doesn't feel good (I'm only talking 35kg on the squat rack so it's not OTT)

Today I went to the gym and used 2x8kg kettle bells to do some front squats and felt brilliant. Like I was working my legs but also felt i was really in control of my core. However, I don't get the same leg-failure as I do when I do 35kg squats because my legs are pretty strong but my core can't keep up.

Don't even know what I'm asking for really - permission not to lift so heavy?? success stories from women who haven't lifted heavy but maintained or built muscle? People who feel similar and are more confident to make the choice and just be happy with it (unlike me, always questioning myself)

Do you want to engage the muscle or build muscle.
That's the difference.
The build muscle you need to overbear it, using heavier weights.

You’re doing fine. You don’t have to lift heavy. If you want to make it more challenging add pauses or tempos to your sets.

I'm no expert but I'm wondering whether you're training frequently enough and progressing your weights, albeit gradually? In theory the amount you can lift with good form should increase if you're training consistently. Maybe 35kg is too much for you at the moment but you might get there over time with gradual progression. I.e. try 10 kg kettle bells next time?

Ah this is what I maybe don’t understand- I want to engage the muscle in order to use it to lift heavy. But don’t feel like I can do that with the heavier weights and maintain my core/protect my lower back. I have a great Pilates teacher and my core isn’t particularly weak so not sure why I feel so bad when I lift heavier

Obtain with weights twice a week and do Pilates once a week and yoga (weight bearing, hard) once a week . Maybe I need to lift 3 times - good point

I did do this a bit today so maybe that’s why it felt good but still challenging. Thanks!

Quite honestly, my advice is to do what you like doing, or else you’ll just stop. If you prefer lighter weights have you thought about Les Mills Bodypump? Light weights, high reps, which did wonders for me. And you can increase VEEERY slowly if you choose to.

Try body pump! Lower weights but lots of reps and it’s fun

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Depends on your goals. Lifting heavy is very hard. If you lift lighter (but also to failure) then you can get the same muscle growth; but you won’t get the strength benefits. The issue is that with 2x8kg for front squats it’s unlikely to build leg strength or leg muscle as you aren’t going to leg failure. It’s up to you what you do, but does it align with your goals?

I do bodypump as well as heavy lifting.

I lift heavy enough in bodypump that it’s to failure by the end of the track, eg a 10kg on each side for bench. I’m sure it helps with muscle growth (but not convinced it helps with strength).

Front squats are harder than back squats. 16kg back squats for a regular gym goer is negligible (although we don’t know how much OP weighs). But, even saying that, if you added a 5 second tempo, a three second pause at the bottom or did it German Volume Training style you instantly ramp up the challenge.

i agree with the previous poster who said the most important thing is that OP enjoys her workouts. Nothing worse than dropping out because you hate your gym sessions.

Squatting and dead lifting are quite technical lifts. Maybe you need to have a good look at your form, and strip back the weight to just the bar (20kg) and start again. Maybe have a trainer look at your form?

If your core isn't strong enough but your legs are, that suggests to me that there's a problem with your technique.

When I started lifting heavy 8 years ago, I found that it was barbell squats that really engaged & strengthened my abs/core. and I started with back squatting just 30 kilos.

Technically yes front squats are harder. But that’s in part due to where the weight rests. For me doing a front squat with kettlebells the limiting factor would be shoulder / arm strength. It won’t help my leg muscles.

Either way it comes down to the persons goals. What’s the point in asking here for permission / reassurance.

From my perspective permissions granted!!

I think form is more important than the no of kgs - not worth the injury risk IMO.

body pump is fun. Lots of reps and quick so no pressure to go big. But just do what you enjoy.

I was always told that as long as you go to failure, it doesn’t matter if the weight is light or heavy. I prefer to go heavy, but on days that I don’t. I lighten the weight and just lift until I fail.

Do you have a PT. If not I strongly suggest getting one to learn to lift properly. I did several years ago and I am now pushing some serious weight and it feels great.

There are some great online tutorials, but I also see A LOT of posts online from people who don’t have a clue TBH and I think with soemthing like lifting heavy proper instruction to get you going is so very important.

Front squats with 2 X 8kg kettlebells isn't nothing!

How many reps and how many sets did you do?
And how many more do you think you could have done if you'd kept going?

I do lift heavy but I kind of know what you mean, it's less fun if every rep feels like it's a battle to the death!

I am the same & I have used a pt for a few years. I find I can really have a great workout & feel it the next day with lighter weights say 10kg x 2. Although I do lift heavy with the barbell up to 40 kg I don’t enjoy it as much & find my form is not as great even if I build it up. I can get just as good workout with lighter weights. I try & mix it up depending on my mood. Also been training since I was 20 & in my 50’s now. Also do spin/hiit/pilates.

I used to do powerlifting.

What you do at the gym depends on your own goals.

If your goal is ultimately to get stronger, then you need to gradually increase the weight you do, and try to hit the reps.

There are compound exercised and there are isolation exercises. It's important really to do both, so you can really engage the muscles. If you're only ever doing light weight compound exercises, then you're strengthening groups of muscles, but areas like your core will struggle.

If you're just going for physique, then manageable weights and more reps is probably what you need to go for.

It's also important that your diet has enough protein to help you build muscle if strength is your goal. The bigger your muscles, the more energy you need per rep to keep using that muscle, and the more protein you need to build and repair. If you're not eating the right stuff, then you will feel rubbish after doing heavier weights.

If you're going into the gym with no goal, other than to keep your body moving and keep the joints active, and just maintain a basic level of fitness, then just do lighter weights, and keep doing what you're doing. You don't have to have the same gym goals as anybody else. There are no rules that mean you must be aiming for body builder physique or have a uniquely high one rep max.

Just focus on both compound and isolation exercises at a weight that makes you happy.

I do lighter weights (shoulder injury) but I increase/ change the number of reps / sets. I really feel that, I feel I am more in control and can isolate the muscles better - this is less so with heavier weights.

Is it just those exercises you don’t like rather than lifting heavy itself? I hate squats and exercises with a bar so I don’t do them and pick other exercises like leg press instead

I'm the same with squats and deadlifts, I think I probably have an undiagnosed disc issue (been to docs several times and just palmed off with painkillers) I do prefer lifting heavy for less reps and do so with everything except these 2 exercises where I do lighter over more reps/sets to protect my back and really focus on technique. I've been to PTs and know technique like the back of my hand but the fact I can strain my back sitting on the toilet and changing bed sheets shows its not just bad technique 🤣 I still get results and DOMs are just as bad so it's doing something. Do what feels comfortable/enjoyable. Swimmers and runners gain visible muscle so I can't see why lifting the same volume over more time wouldn't too.

I do mostly body weight exercises and I don’t see why I need to do heavyweight - I want to have enough muscle to protect my bones and keep me climbing mountains not parade in a show. You don’t need to be ever building strength and progressing

the science is - you need to work to exhaustion to build and maintain muscle - so you can do heavy with low reps or lighter and more reps and the best version is the one you prefer because then you will do it. So as long as you feel challenged

the only caveat is that form really matters - avoiding injury and building things correctly - so keeping things light and having good form and working till exhaustion is better than lifting heavy but sloppily