Dealing with comments

[Whatwouldscullydo]

No one ever says- have u tried not sitting at home watching Netflix and drinking a bottle of wine. No one minds you turning down cake or fried chicken when you are already on the heavy side

But start hitting the gym or going for a run and all of a sudden everyone has an opinion and has never been nore pushy trying to get you to eat stuff.

What is it about spandex that gives a Green light to tell someone they don't look how a woman should look or that you are too skinny/muscley or whatever. Like you didn't look twice at me before. Whys it matter now.

And im.not trying to lose weight why is that the only thing people assume working out is for. Amd its not for anyone but me.

Do men get called crazy because they exercise? No. Men and a protein shake and a barbell is seen as perfectly normal. Thought we had moved on from women only doing pilates and yoga.

And gow can you take the piss out of me bringing food to work. Least im not spending a fortune getting takeaways delivered or meal deals.

Sorry dont know what the point of the thread is. Just tired today of all the comments and questions. Like I dont wanna go back to being home alone with my brain rotting in front of the tv. Maybe I want to get out the house for a bit and see people. How's that weird. Again no one cared when I did nothing and I think that's more tragic/crazy tbh

Huh?

don’t recognise this in the slightest

surround yourself with better people op

Do men get called crazy because they exercise?

and women don’t generally either

but some unfortunate women and men have weird people in their life that do call them “crazy” for exercising. Sadly it would seem you’re one of those poor souls!

Who are saying these things?
Things you can try:
Iform them that if you were trying to lose weight, exercising wouldn't be the easiest way to do it?
Smile and nod
Smile and say "thanks for your input"
Ignore

But I'd be looking at who you surround yourself with. I have a bit more muscle than your average netflix watcher, and the only person who has commented negagively was a woman 20 years older and less fit than me who tried to give me advice. I just smiled.

Friends, co workers and customers mainly tbh.

My gym friends are much more supportive. Its usually water off a ducks back. But ive always been a bit insecure about how I look so occasionally if i get comments it can send me down a rabbit hole and im not quite as bullet proof in that moment as I should be.

I was actually quite fat before. Im tall ish so I carried it ok ish. But im not that much lighter now. Im certainly not trying to lose weight as im already at the point I know from previous experience that if I drop any lower I will be ill.

Just remember why you’re doing it, confuse them by smiling and saying thanks.

Midlife muscle build and glow up by any chance? In it now and in my experience people fall into 3 camps:

1. criticise, make digs and say “if only I had the time” and when the results start to show “it’s alright for you because….” This group are jealous and wish they were doing it themselves
2. those who cheer you on in a positive way even though they are not doing it - some of those have started to come along with me and it’s brilliant
3. those who are already doing it and cheerlead you through it and celebrate your successes

i spend barely any time with those people in group 1 and have made a lot more friends with those in groups 2 and 3. It’s been a painful process at times but worth it. Keep going.

I really think there's a lot of animosity directed at slim women, particularly women who are gym-goers. A lot of it comes from jealousy but also the assumption that we're prioritising ourselves, which is at odds with martyrdom expected from women.

In my experience, seen as fair game for comments about our bodies, our exercise, our eating because people assume we're happy with our bodies so won't mind. And people assume that we work hard to sculpt our bodies as a kind of project (particularly gym-goers) and people feel able to comment on the progress or outcomes of that project.

Its highly inappropriate, and sometimes just makes no sense.
I said to someone the other day that I was going to the gym and he commented "You don't need to go to the gym". 🙃What does that even mean?!

A guy at work commented on my eating habits once and I put in a formal complaint about him. I'll always pull people up when they use the term "thin"

Im not even slim . Im.5 ft 7 amd 145 lbs. I have plenty of " soft bits"

Yes I am.middle aged. My kids are older and don't need me to do school runs and my youngest who's at home spends her evenings talking to mates on the phone. Do t see why I should at home all day every day when they arent even here or she's in her room anyway.

God forbid I get out and do something for me that's not for a man ( im single .now anywayamd u cant meet people at home in.front of a tv)

I like the fact im fitter now and its helping me to eat better. It doesn't require analysis

“Friends”…. Really?

Not any kind of friend I have

Presumably you work?

this is all very odd. All these people so interested in your diet and fitness activities

This is a really good summary I think! I personally haven't come across any one in group one, but maybe that's just luck. I've always played sport and most of my friends are from that, so it helps!

Just ignore, OP! Btw, I think you do sound slim at that height/weight, though body composition plays a big part.

I just dismiss it - 'I like it, no-one's asking you to do it. I'd be bored witless sat at home'

Regarding being bullet proof - I firmly believe that almost everyone is an idiot. Any comments about appearance are filed in the 'just another tosser' box and require no further thought. Co-workers and 'friends' would be told to clear off with their unwanted opinions.

this is all very odd. All these people so interested in your diet and fitness activities

I know. I mean im really not that interesting. But all of a sudden my life seems open to discussion. I do to much or I dont eat enough or im crazy. No one ever said i drank too.much wine though 🤣

Honestly @Whatwouldscullydo don’t let these muppets get to you. It sounds like much of the problem is how you’re reacting to the comments and that’s something you can easily change.

People talk rubbish about all sorts of things. It doesn’t mean there’s any validity in what they’re saying or that you have to take any notice. My default response to any bs like this is usually “yeah, whatever”. Just don’t engage. It’s not actually about you, it’s about them. And that’s not your problem (so stop letting it become your problem!)

Also, you ARE slim at that height and weight. Stop putting yourself down. So you have soft bits. So what? The majority of middle aged women do. Go to the gym, enjoy it, don’t be afraid to tell people to fuck off. 😜

I’m out exercising most evenings. I either run or go to the gym and DH is out cycling most evenings. We’re active people and don’t want to just laze around now that we’ve built up our fitness.

in my experience some people I know do it just as much as I do and they get it. Others wouldn’t do this much themselves but still think it’s a good thing and are supportive.

A few, and these people are the minority, think you’re insane and judge you negatively for it. I used to have two friends who started treating me very differently when I started loosing weight and exercising. It’s like it was a personal insult to them that I wanted to get fit and loose weight. Needless to say I don’t really see them anymore. But I’ve met lots of lovely like minded people through the gym and running club and most of my old friends are still my friends as they wouldn’t judge people for wanting to get fitter. Most of them enjoy the gym/running/hiking in a more moderate way themselves anyway.

I am also no longer trying to loose weight, but I love what I can do now and how far and fast I can run. Makes me happier than over eating and sitting around ever did!

@LittleBoostits this exactly.
i really relate to the op. Not so much in my current job as we are a supportive team but in my old job my eating habits seemed fair game as well as my weight.

one of my exes wax convinced the only reason to go to the gym was to have an affair!!!

The only people I call crazy is the ones who are obsessed with exercise.

I love exercise in particularly dancing. I have friends who love swimming or yoga etc, no one really thinks about it that much.

I’ve never had those comments but maybe because I’ve always exercised so that’s just who I am? I wouldn’t like it though so you have my sympathy

How on earth do multiple customers know what you’re eating and doing in the evenings OP?

As for work colleagues, if you don’t want them to pass comment - when they ask evening plans just say “not sure”

and friends? Get new ones if you feel they’re being judgey

But that will be your view on what is “obsessed”

whats your exercise like?

Because sometimes i come in with a big bag as ive worked out before a shift. Or ive been called in at short notice to go sort something out or open/close on my day/evening/afternoon off so if ive already left my house and am on way to Or from a class i have to go straight there and unless ive left a work top behind then im obviously dressed for what I was doing/going to be doing not for something I wasnt meant to be doing.

And we have no where particularly nice to sit and take our breaks ( or im not owed a break but my shift falls over lunch/dinner time ) so I eat at the counter sometimes.

Plus to be fair I do look a bit different to many years ago and they have noticed like they'd notice you dying your hair or being pregnant etc. We are all used to " eating again" or " dont you ever go home " comments 😂

What work is this? Where you are so frequently called on last minute.

At the “counter” you have your lunch and customers pass comment?

OP this sounds bloomin awful

Perhaps new friends and new job!

I do enjoy my job. And im sure most the customers dont mean anything by it. Just making friendly conversation general chat chat etc. But you know what its like. Everyone thinks they are the only ones to say stuff but you hear it multiple times a shift from different people it can occasionally get a bit much. Then when co workers jump in with comments like she looks like she wants to fight someone now , you never hear the end of it 😂

My own father suggested I work out for 'vanity' which he 'already experienced when younger'.

I wasn't going to be mean and tell him a) that means his 'youth' ended around 16 because he has never worked out in all the 40+ years I've known him and b) he will now also experience sarcopenia, which I'm trying to avoid, hence the gym

People project their failures onto you to make you feel like you're the failure because you're not mirroring their choices.

I have had this in my physical, spiritual, educational and work life from many and it has all become tiresome white noise.

Just ignore it and keep doing what you do!