How to get my wife to get healthier.

[Chattyhubby77]

How can I go about getting my wife to exercise more and hopefully enjoy it? She's a little overweight (I find her incredibly sexy) and sometimes struggles when we go on brisk walks. Getting towards 50 now and just want her healthy and around for years to come.

You can't. You can tell her that you'd like her to be healthier and why, and that you're happy to do things that would support that if she likes. That's as far as you can go.

She will only get healthier and more active if she finds the motivation to do it for herself.

If you both like walking, how about nice strolls rather than brisk walks?

Would she like to get healthier and exercise more?

The way you talk about her reads like she’s your dog 🙈😳 You can’t do anything unless she wants to, it has to come from her.

The truth is you can’t make anyone do anything, obviously. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. My husband is obese and now has tons of serious health issues that just seem to have happened overnight. It terrifies me. Weight and his appearance doesn’t matter to me, I adore him. But losing him to a relatively young age terrifies me.
Maybe she hasn’t found the form of exercise that’s right for her. I know before I discovered lane swimming I hated all exercise other than walking. Just tread carefully with this … women in her age group go through a hell of a lot due to menopausal changes. Weight gain is one of them, through no choice of their own. Men have it far easier in life in terms of what their bodies go through. Her weight gain can have nothing to do with diet and lack of exercise.

Offer to shop, meal plan and cook all her meals using healthy ingredients and from scratch. Being overweight is down to food and not exercise.

struggles when we go on brisk walks
Are they normal brisk walks for her or are they based on your leg length and pace? If you are 6 foot 8 and she's 5 foot 5 then she's never going to keep up with you.

You can't, and shouldn't, make her.

You should do it though for your own health and she may choose to come along.

Maybe watch some Dr Peter Attia together? He’s a longevity doctor and he says what you do now, in your 40s and 50s dictates how you’ll feel in your 60s and 70s.

Hes all about healthspan rather than lifespan.

Zoe nutrition program is very good too for learning how to eat well.

That said menopause is brutal for many of us.

Is she sleeping well enough to face exercise?
Are her bloods ok? Good time to check ferritin and other markers?
What does she enjoy doing for exercise. So much easier when it’s fun not a chore.

Lead by example? Are you a bit of a porkster yourself, judging from your username?

Someone should have gone to specsavers

Soz, two hours sleep is my excuse

Whats the definition of a little overweight OP, people often say that when its a lot overweight in reality

Moving around is hard if you are carrying extra weight

And as another poster says make sure the brisk walk is at a brisk pace for her, not you, otherwise she'll be almost running along

Oh good, another man has arrived.

How on earth have you worked that out?

short answer, you can’t op. It’s got to come from her.

Maybe don't make it 'brisk'? Walks are more enjoyable when you aren't desperately trying to keep up with somebody striding on ahead as though he's leading an expedition to discover the ruins of the lost cities of Machu Picchu and Chichen Itza before a team led by a retired Nazi colonel when you're actually heading for the car park of the Slaughtered Lamb in search of a Cheese Ploughmans.

DO NOT MENTION HER "CHUBBINESS"

And yes, I meant to shout.

She is probably aware that a brisk walk is taxing for her. Don't shame her.

Just do stuff together. Do the housework with her. Then suggest going for a nice walk. Gently does it. Or join a nice health club with a pool.

Or give her a present of a block of sessions with a personal trainer - at least 10 sessions, once a week. A good PT will start where she is and find ways that she can articulate her goals and then work towards them.

Her goal might be to be able to go for a long walk and chat with you, without getting breathless. It doesn't need to be losing 20 kilos or running a marathon.

Does she like nature? What about aiming to climb Helvellyn or the Old Man in the Lake District ? there are safe walkable (rather than climbing) ways up.

You could tie her to the back of the car & make her run?

Why are people engaging with this?

I suppose @mashingwachine because I start by assuming a poster is genuine, and that @Chattyhubby77 does really care for his wife and her health. But he needs to change his way of framing the issue - not what he can make his wife do, but what he can do.

Try to make it a fun part of life, I love going for walks with my husband around the neighbourhood or to beautiful places nearby. Get a thermos, pack some hot coffee to sit and drink somewhere pretty. When it's warmer, take lunch and eat somewhere lovely mid walk. I think the key is to make it enjoyable and not like hard work.

The NHS has an app called Active 10, it helps track your speed of walking and gives you a little party popper celebration when you have done ten fast minutes, it's a useful little motivator to walk faster.

I wasn't suggesting the poster isn't genuine, just to be clear. I'm saying why are people engaging with a man on how to mansplain to his wife.

You find her sexy bit have a problem with her weight so thank god I ain't married to you.horrid

Yeah I agree with you there @mashingwachine (love your name!). Maybe we all need to be specific: don't mansplain fitness to you wife @Chattyhubby77 But he could do things which would free her up to get some more exercise - maybe she feels she doesn't have enough time to focus on getting a bit fitter so she's not breathless when on a walk.

I guess we all feel for his wife!

Although I'd like to know what he means by "brisk." Men can be extraordinarily unempathetic & lacking in observation - the times I've seen men with children literally dragging them along when their little legs can't keep up.

I like walking but my husband would probably say I "struggle on brisk walks" but the thing is he's 6' and I'm 5'4" so his brisk walk is really quite fast for me!
Maybe go out for a nice walk starting at her pace, the more you do it and she enjoys it the fitter she'll get and she will naturally increase her speed.
This is assuming getting fitter is something she wants to do for herself of course....

You can’t. Let her make her own decisions.