Too ashamed to exercise

[foreverskiving]

How can I get over my embarrassment and shame and start exercising?

I've hated exercise ever since school, when I was constantly shamed by my PE teachers for being poorly coordinated and slow. I hated it so much. Now I'm 34 and I've never stuck to regular exercise of any kind. I was always quite slim but I haven't lost the baby weight since my last pregnancy, and now I'm starting to feel stiff and slow, out of breath going up the stairs etc. I know I need to get fitter and stronger to preserve my health as I get older.

But I hate it so much. It doesn't make me feel good. I just feel stupid attempting planks or lunges or dumbbells. I'm not worried about other people seeing me because I even feel like this alone in my house, watching YouTube videos, when nobody can see me! I just think: you're so stupid and rubbish at this, you'll never be good at it, your body will never change so why even try? And then I'm sore and exhausted afterwards anyway.

I've never had any kind of endorphin rush from exercising. I've tried running, dance, Pilates, yoga, climbing, weights at the gym but I get the same feeling with all of it - just shame and self-hatred. It makes me want to cry at how crap I am at all of it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Please help me learn how to enjoy exercise? I feel so hopeless.

You could try walking...headphones in, put a hat on if you don't want anyone to recognise you, or go at night or early in the morning.

Everyone can walk (you know what I mean I know there are people who can't walk). And walking is excellent exercise.

If you want to do weights etc...then maybe ask around for a good sympathetic empathic personal trainer and fork out for some one to one sessions.

I know who I'd recommend in my area, she's lovely and not at all shouty and very encouraging.

She does group sessions with older women and people who haven't exercised in a while or ever (she does all sorts but those are the ones I've been to) and is super encouraging.

Also your PE teachers sound dreadful. This is on them not you. Put them in a little box marked - 'they were rubbish' and get your trainers out.

Oh OP, that's a sad post! I think you need a bit of kindness, but also a bit of 'come on now, you can do it!'

If I were you, I'd find a class. Something very gentle and non-threatening. Have a look at the type of class that takes place in a community centre, or a school hall. I go to Zumba, and it's the kindest, most welcoming class, there are people in their 20's and people in their 70's and people who are a size 8, and people who are a size 24+, and we all get on, and have a lovely time, and really, nobody cares at all whether you're any good or not or what you look like! I also go to classes at David Lloyd, these are much harder and much more serious, and probably not what you need just now. I'd definitely start with a community type class, there's loads around!

Also, if you can afford to, buy a lovely outfit, or some lovely trainers, they don't need to be ££££, just something that will make you feel better when you go! (Vinted is excellent for lovely, not expensive stuff!)

Sorry to hear how you're feeling.
I'd suggest walking too if you've found no enjoyment in any of the others. I love walking for either switching off or sorting things out in my head (to do lists, planning). No expectations around enjoyment.

Today I had to gear up to feeling in the mood to do a weights workout. I used the thought of an upcoming holiday and some clothes I'd like to fit into again as motivation to mobilise myself. Didn't enjoy it at all so I sympathise with you.

Wow, thank you for the kind and encouraging replies, they've made me a bit emotional!

Walking is a good idea. I think nicer clothes and trainers would also help, that's a good plan. I guess part of the problem is that I'm not really sure what my goal should be. People talk about getting "results" but what sort of results could I aim for? Maybe enjoying it is the only result that I should target as that seems pretty far off right now!

I started off with aqua aerobics and then progressed onto different classes as my confidence and fitness improved.

This is why aqua:

1. nobody sees you wobbling
2. or panting
3. zero sweating
4. Virtually impossible to injure yourself
5. its upbeat and you come out feeling happy.
6. and relaxed

The only thing that matters is that you like the activity and it makes you feel better. If you improve your fitness as well, great. You don't have to aim for 'goals' or 'results' or any of that nonsense. Just do something you enjoy for its own sake.

"I was always quite slim but I haven't lost the baby weight since my last pregnancy, and now I'm starting to feel stiff and slow, out of breath going up the stairs etc. I know I need to get fitter and stronger to preserve my health as I get older"

Youve noted your aims. To feel less stiff (Pilates, Yoga and good stretching will help), less out of breath (regular walking will help), stronger (weights once a week).

Brisk walking, light weights at home, and most importantly, being very mindful about your diet and caloric intake, will make a big difference. You can do it, op. Let go of the pointless shameful feelings.

Don't feel.embarassed, most people down the gym are 'normal' folk who are not going to judge you negatively. To be honest most folk will probably have headphones on ans will be focused on doing their own routine. We have all been unfit at some point and if anyone does notice you struggling the chances are they will think 'fair play' for being in the gym in the first place.

Is there anyone you can be a fitness buddy with, ideally someone in a similar position to you to help with motivation?

I felt exactly the same even down to the embarrassment on my own, walking is a great place to start.

Aqua is proper fun. I've only been once but we used under water dumbells to pedal our arms and they were pinging off all over the place 😂.

Do you have a sports centre / large gym near you with a list of classes for us? We can probably give you a good idea what they involve and where to start?

Walking is a great way to start. All you need is comfortable shoes. I listen to podcasts while I’m walking but I’m about to give audiobooks a try, listening to something makes the time pass quicker.
It’s a great feeling when you suddenly realise that you don’t feel out of breath on a hill that used to feel steep or that you finish your walk and feel like going further rather than sitting down. Start gently and build up.

When I get back into exercise I do refit revolution on YouTube, it's like Zumba. The women that do it I think are America Christians and occasionally use Christian music but generally that's for calming warm up and cool down, the rest of it is regular pop music, it's easy to follow and I find two weeks of that improves my cardio significantly and it's fun noone can see you and it doest feel like exercise.

If you go straight onto running or Jillian Michaels or similar then that's proper proper exercise leaving you sore which is demotivating

If your starting from 0 don't go straight to 100, start incorporating more physical activity into your day to day, improve your cardio so you don't feel like you are dying going up a hill then, maybe walk the same route once a week and time yourself and see how you get faster,then add ankle weights etc you can do this with a pram, then start C25k after a couple of months. If your children are old enough pick a family activity you can all do like rock climbing or canoeing which are both great for strength and your core but don't feel like exercise.

Small and steady improvements instead of big things that are hard to sustain.

Your self esteem though won't get fixed my exercise, that needs some additional work on accepting yourself. If you were very clumsy and uncoordinated then it's worth looking at dyspraxia as that was rarely diagnosed back then and could explain PE challenges

Personally I wouldn't start by going to classes.

I'm very unfit (CFS/me level of unfit) and I've made a lot of progress recently and I thought I was good enough for classes.

Fuck me they go fast. I dropped out after 10 mins and my whole body hurt for days.

Try something gentle and where you are not exposed to other people. Walking is ideal.

If you feel up to it the couch to 5k programme is apparently very good but be warned it does assume you can walk 5k to start with. The name is misleading!

Swimming is also non weight bearing and a good starting activity. Don't try it now, (too cold!) but wild swimming groups that swim in rivers and the sea are very sociable and welcoming.

It's weirdly comforting to hear I'm not the only person who has felt like this, though I'm sorry you went through it too. Did walking lead you on to other things? I like the idea of being a fit and active person in lots of different ways but it feels impossible, as if I am just not that person and I'm doomed never to be her!

The gym near me does lots of Les Mills classes. Judging by my past form, I would probably go to one or two and then freak out and never go back.

@Singleandproud I think you're probably right about the self esteem thing needing to be addressed on its own. I have seen lots of people say that exercise is good for self esteem but I don't even have enough to start!

Thank you for all your very helpful comments and suggestions. I'm glad I posted, I've been given a lot to think about.

I’m the same op. Forced exercise for the sake of it makes me quite angry and depressed. I like walking because it can be purposeful and our bodies are designed to do it effortlessly. I lots quite a bit of baby weight pushing the pram/pushchair around all the time.

My ‘results’ were not being out of breath when I do the hoovering, you don’t need to have a goal to run a marathon. Just do what’s best for you.
I do a couple hours at the gym a week. I’m not great at it, I don’t look good or fashionable in my gym clothes but I DO IT! I am proud of myself for that and for being a good example to my children. You can do it @foreverskiving ❤️

I felt very similar to you. Have tried and given up many forms of exercise.

Am now 18months in to doing Youtube workouts with Team Bodyproject, largely because they are pitched right for beginners and Daniel is amazingly encouraging.

Yes when I started I couldn't keep up with the warm up, yes I may still need a break in the middle to lie on the floor with my legs up to stop me keeling over, but I have stuck with it and am so much fitter and happier as a result.

The 'results' were obvious very quickly - less short of breath, less tired, moving faster, more endurance.

Actual body change- well it's hidden under a layer of flab. But when I started I couldn't do a star jump, now I can do a minute, I couldn't lift 1kg, now I'm on 4kg. So there is definite change happening underneath.

If you think you’d enjoy walking take a look at the NHS active 10 app. It encourages you to walk briskly and you can set goals on it. I found 10 minutes hard when I started in June, but once I was doing it regularly I changed my target to 20 minutes. As I got fitter I started Jeffing (run/walking) and yesterday I ran 10k!
Its much easier to start with baby steps and build on it than going straight into tough classes
Although aqua sounds fun, so I might look into that next

How old are your kids, op? A bit of kitchen disco is good exercise!

I like dance workouts like Zumba, each song is only a few mins, by the time you've sussed the moves you're on to the next song and there's not really time to feel silly.

I like the idea of being a fit and active person in lots of different ways but it feels impossible, as if I am just not that person and I'm doomed never to be her!

Hi OP, I think the best thing you can do is try to change your mindset. The "fit and active person" is someone you've created in your mind, someone you think you can never be. Yes lots of people are active from childhood and right the way through their life. But lots of people also come to it as an adult (like me). I'm not perfect, I'm not super fit, or fast, or strong, but I can do enough and find some enjoyment in it. My main motivation is good health for the rest of my life. You need to believe that you can do it, you can be that person. Thousands of people have a "day 1". Don't compare your day 1 to anyone else's day 1, or worse, their day 1000+.

Walking will be a good place to start, especially if you can get out in the fresh air. But even brisk walking on a treadmill will do you good (and you can watch TV at the same time)!

I do running and walking with audiobooks and podcasts. A good tip is to save something up for just when you're walking (as a treat). Looking forward to listening to the book or funny podcast will give you a positive association in your mind and also keep you semi distracted so you're not second guessing yourself all the time!

Good luck