Too ashamed to exercise

[foreverskiving]

How can I get over my embarrassment and shame and start exercising?

I've hated exercise ever since school, when I was constantly shamed by my PE teachers for being poorly coordinated and slow. I hated it so much. Now I'm 34 and I've never stuck to regular exercise of any kind. I was always quite slim but I haven't lost the baby weight since my last pregnancy, and now I'm starting to feel stiff and slow, out of breath going up the stairs etc. I know I need to get fitter and stronger to preserve my health as I get older.

But I hate it so much. It doesn't make me feel good. I just feel stupid attempting planks or lunges or dumbbells. I'm not worried about other people seeing me because I even feel like this alone in my house, watching YouTube videos, when nobody can see me! I just think: you're so stupid and rubbish at this, you'll never be good at it, your body will never change so why even try? And then I'm sore and exhausted afterwards anyway.

I've never had any kind of endorphin rush from exercising. I've tried running, dance, Pilates, yoga, climbing, weights at the gym but I get the same feeling with all of it - just shame and self-hatred. It makes me want to cry at how crap I am at all of it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Please help me learn how to enjoy exercise? I feel so hopeless.

Based on my own experience, the endorphin rush comes when I'm at the edge of, but not outside, my comfort zone. Start as small as you need to give yourself an easy win, and build up as you feel ready.

I use www.sixtostart.com apps, they tell your stories as you exercise e.g. walk/run to fetch supplies during the zombie apocalypse. There are lots of different stories (the app called Zombies, Run also has non-zombie options) and you choose your own difficulty level. It's a great way to get geeks like me to exercise!

It may sound counter intuitive, but a brilliant body building gym is what you need. They don't tend to have the insta posers that film the whole time, they are also so much more encouraging than the normal high street gyms. Have a few sessions with a PT to start you off and give you the basics and work up from there.

I can't do anything too strenuous following a number of major surgeries but I do get out walking with my headphones on whenever I'm up to it (The Salt Path is the perfect audiobook whilst walking!).

And I LOVE aqua aerobics. It's a really inclusive class, all ages, shapes, sizes, fitness levels. Good music and a wide range of different movements so the time goes really fast. You don't sweat and you don't ache afterwards but you can feel that you're getting a whole body workout.

Are you on Facebook @foreverskiving ?
I've joined a couple of local walking groups because I don't like walking on my own.

If you like walking, try parkwalking at parkrun. Everyone can be found there, and the speedy vest and shorts types quickly dash off. It's a great way to feel part of something but doing it on your own terms. The Tailwalker comes last, and there's a Parkwalker role just to emphisise the role of walking within the parkrun community and keep people company if they wish.

Parkrun is the anthesis of PE. It's participation that's encouraged and rewarded, not performance. The community is proud of average times getting longer as a more diverse range of people with more range of fitness join in. There's a couple of ladies near the back of mine who regularly walk with their little babies in carriers. At another nearby, there's a 97yo chap who steadily makes his way round after being told that he might never walk again following a fall. Children can participate from 4 and most are accessible to prams (check course details). You can be part of it by volunteering too, and that's been great when I've been injured and unable to run or walk the 5k.

I was fortunate in my days of being spittle-showered by an irate PE teacher for my unbelievable ineptitude that I did dancing out of school. I was crap at that too, but I enjoyed it, and it made it easier to do things like aerobics and yoga in adulthood. I fell in to running because I was tired of puffing everywhere after having a baby and C25k was easy to fit in at random times. I have no great aptitude, but just doing something makes me better than average across the population. Mainly I like feeling fit, strong and keeping my body as young as I reasonably can, and being active improves my odds of good quality of life in old age. I can't vow that if I met a certain PE teacher again, that I wouldn't whop him one with a marathon medal though 😂

I'd also recommended strength training / weights in a non commercial gym. I've been doing small group PT sessions since June. I also hate the actual exercising bit, but I feel good afterwards and the fact I've paid for and booked onto the sessions makes me do it in the first place. The other women in the sessions are all encouraging and 'normal'.

I'm now finding I have more energy in general, and I've recently started, and am for once sticking to, C25K. I'm sure this is because of the PT sessions.

If you saw someone, say a friend, trying the exercises you've tried, would you tell her "You're rubbish! You'll never succeed! You're such an embarrassment!" ?

Or would you say to her "Well done for trying! You looked like you were enjoying that dance class. If that wasn't for you, I'm sure something else will be!"

Talk to yourself like you're a friend.

If you enjoy dancing and can't get to Zumba classes or they don't do them at your gym then Youtube Thefitnessmarshall is great fun, although slightly bonkers - they do either individual songs - so you can pick the ones you like or some free 30 minute sweat sessions.

You tube in general is fab for exercise sessions - it's just finding ones that you like/suit your goals.

I love spin classes
Usually in the dark and if you're struggling you can just turn the resistance down and keep your legs moving
I do 30-90 min spin classes every week and wouldn't say I'm fit!

Thank you for starting this threadOP, I am exactly the same 😩 Crap at PE, physically uncoordinated - not helped by being laughed at by a variety of loved ones on the rare occasion they witness me attempting to run or dance.

I want to improve my fitness but it's all so mortifying. Aquafit sounds quite appealing, or zumba on YouTube. My aim is to take some baby steps to improve my fitness behind closed doors then have a go at couch to 5k. I think I could enjoy running one day and has the advantage that it doesn't require equipment or attendance at a gym.

I do walk the dog every day but that doesn't get my heart rate up. I have zero core strength. It's woeful 😩

A good target could just be feeling better about yourself. Regular exercise is a good pick me up. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Talk to yourself as if you were one of your friends - what would you say to your bestie if she told you what you posted?

I am a long term gym goer. I am fit and strong. I am always happy to see new attendees. People know are happy to see new people. We all have a little internal cheer for you. It's hard. I don't love it but I love what it died for my mind and my body and I am happy that you are doing something great for you. I have found proper gym people to be the most inclusive and supportive group

Do not do Les Mills pump, combat or attack at this stage. They are hard classes. Body balance is nice but the yoga / tai chi flows can be annoyingly fast.

Does the gym do an easy circuit class? I'm fit but I sometimes go to our easy circuits, most people are over 65 and the instructor helps everyone to use the machines if they are new.

I’ve had such a similar experience with exercise. I’ve always walked a lot (to get places) but otherwise never got in the habit of exercise and never enjoyed anything I tried. And I often felt so embarrassed and awkward when I tried classes etc. but I decided I needed to get stronger and set a better example for my children recently and decided to find a PT. It’s been such a good decision. I did a lot of research and luckily found one I’ve really clicked with. It’s at her own exercise studio so I don’t feel that intimidated. We’re largely doing strength training with a mini HIIT workout at the end and I’ve really, really enjoyed it. I look forward to going. So if you can afford it, I’d recommend finding a good PT 😀

You have had lots of good advice so I really do want to tell you that this is pretty normal I also felt this way
and walking really is great, I love walking more than anything. Give it a go

to walk and get something out of it:

wear comfy clothes and shoes
don’t go out when it’s pouring rain
listen to something uplifting and motivating.
try to walk as fast as you comfortably can, you will find a rhythm.
don’t pick a place to walk that’s too hilly to start with
dont look around you at others just at the pavement if you are new to it, just focus on yourself and being safe in your surroundings
try to walk for a solid 30 mins to start with, at a decent pace this will feel like a ‘work out’
i have also walked on a treadmill and I now compete with myself to how fast I can walk in 15 mins or how quickly I can walk a mile and it’s fun - I’m only competing with me!

Your goals can just be that you need to do X amount of activity in order to stay healthy. Like for example if you’re doing walking then aim for 10k steps per day. Just as the same way that everyone should aim to eat at least 5 fruit and veg a day and brush their teeth twice a day - there’s no “goal” there or specific aims, just basic day to day preserving of your health.

if you’re already doing 10k steps a day then just pick a higher number as your daily target. Or have a weekly target. Get a Fitbit or pedometer, you can pick the latter up quite cheaply.

Another thing you can try is pretending that you’re someone else. It sounds insane and stupid but it can work. So if you’re at home doing a Yoga with Adrienne workout and you feel stupid, just pretend to be Adrienne. It’s not you doing the workout, it’s Adrienne! Yes I’m aware this sounds slightly unhinged. But it’s the basic psychology behind the “fake it til you make it” approach and you just have to stop thinking about yourself and just do it.

I use the resistance machines at the gym and find it really suits me.

The gym I go to has a really mixed demographic- all ages, shapes, sizes and levels of fitness. Everyone there seems to be concentrating on themselves. It really helps to be somewhere that I feel comfortable.

It is not unusual to feel this way. I would start by walking. Just walking a mile a day that you wouldn't normally do for a month would get you in the habit and won't take you long.

I also took up cycling to get to a specific place every day and love it. It is great for weight loss too. If you can build it into your day and you are doing it to get from A to B it doesn't feel like you are exercising and so somehow doesn't feel embarrassing either.

You are not hopeless or bad at it…certainly not stupid or rubbish. But sadly the voice of your bloody PE teacher is still lodged in your head taking away your confidence and enjoyment.

What about making yourself a little ritual? Get some lovely gear, do whatever you do to make yourself look and feel your best, stand in the mirror and say ‘’Hah! Look at me! My strong body that grew and birthed babies, you know nothing, you horrible PE teacher and you had no right to judge me and put me down! I am going to live my life without hearing you in my head now, so eff off into oblivion. “

Or whatever works for you!

I think a really good place to start is Rick Bhullar walking workouts on youtube. There's loads of different, free videos. You can choose genre of music or amount of steps and he's positive and encouraging but not annoying. Concentrate trying to get upward of 7k steps a day as a non negotiable, as important as cleaning your teeth. Build up slowly and be kind to yourself.

What is your diet like OP? I always hated exercise until I fixed my diet. I found that when I switched to a whole food (low sugar, no upf diet) I had a ton more energy and for the first time in my life could exercise without aches and pain. After a few weeks of building up through you tube videos I actually started to get the endorphin rush that people mention and now 8 months on I love doing my daily strength training, I enjoy it whilst doing it and feel great afterwards.

A year ago I never thought I could feel this way about exercise having hated it for the previous 40 years. I would look at the other things in your life as well as see if there are any easy things you can fix e.g. sleep (make sure you get daylight first thing and go to bed the same time each night), drink more water, improve diet etc as all these things will be mutually reinforcing and help your energy levels.

There is a Michael Mosely podcast about exercise snacking which would be a good place to start, just incorporating more activity generally into your day is really beneficial and can actually be better than a gym session
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/54mscpFxdQWZMk6jZbq3cWb/don-t-worry-about-going-to-the-gym-shorter-bursts-of-exercise-could-be-better-for-you

I used to be the same OP, PE really did a number on us, right? I was always picked on for being red in the face or sweaty, so did the least possible during PE, leading to me get screamed at by the PE teachers in front of everyone, and I wasn’t good at any of it.

I have since found the elusive endorphin rush of exercise but it’s still a rare beast - only happens a handful of times - and it’s important to know that even though I know I will eventually enjoy the exercise, and I will enjoy the fact of having exercised, every time I do it I still dread it, want to quit and go home within the first half of every session. But I would now say I actually like to exercise even though I always spend the first half wanting to go home!

Genuinely start walking. I think it would be great for you. It’s better exercise that many people realise if done with some pace to it, and it’s easy to fit into your life. I do trig bagging, which is just walking up hills to touch the trig point, usually take a photo, and come back down again. You don’t have to get an an endorphin rush from exercise but you’re pretty sure to be proud of yourself once you reach the top of a big hill, see the views, touch the trig and turn down for home!

I do other classes, swim and weights etc but honestly walking, for several hours a week at a decent pace and on challenging terrain if I can manage it, makes me happy and much fitter.

As others said - just walk, regular walks then speed walks, do it when where hardly anyone around and trust me, you will see the benefits and want to build up on them

Positive podcasts like the Just One Thing series that that's from would be good for creating a more positive mindset while doing something like walking.