How the hell can I fit it all in?!

[CrazyCatLadyWantsADog]

well, the gist is above, but for context - I am really struggling to find a way to fit in exercise when I work full time, parent a toddler and care for 4 pets, and run the house.

I’m an academic, which means I’m quite often juggling research and book projects well into the evenings and weekends; and as much as I try to be strict about spending time with my DD and not working when she’s with me; work always seems to seep into all hours of the day, every day.

My days start at 5/6am with dog walks, feeding animals (we have 3 cats and a dog), emptying the dishwasher, clearing up, preparing drinks for DD and the husband, picking up the washing and putting it away, and then getting in the shower. I get ready for work and get my DD ready too. I then sit with her whilst she eats breakfast/a snack and reply to emails, before we jump in the car and head to nursery. My normal day (it’s summer holidays now) starts with giving lectures between 9 and 12 without breaks; lunch meetings; research meetings, student meetings, department meetings and then trying to squeeze in research and book writing until 5pm when I pick up DD. It’s then the mad dash of get DD bathed, fed and into bed by 7pm, plus another dog walk, feed the animals, load the washing machine again, cook a separate meal for the husband when he gets home, wash up, clear up, shower and back to the sofa for 8/9pm for more time at the computer writing/preparing lectures.

I am truly, TRULY miserable with my appearance. I know it shouldn’t matter - and ironically, I would never endorse my students or colleagues putting so much emphasis on their appearance - but I hate my body. Before I became an academic, I had a career as a fashion journalist, and would take care of my body and mental health. I wasn’t particularly into exercise, but I was in my twenties and could get away with copious amounts of coffee (and nicotine), some salads and the odd press meal. I was a size 6 (UK) and wore fabulous clothes. I wasn’t fully happy with myself but I was confident. Fast forward 20 years and I’m 41, bordering on overweight and keen to start to make some changes for a healthier lifestyle. I’ve also been diagnosed with some health issues which have made me realise I need to start taking my health seriously - no more copious coffees and trying to be a size 6 - just healthy eating and exercise to build a longer life.

The problem I have is I genuinely have no idea how to fit it in! When am I supposed to do 25 burpees, 30 minute run, and 4 reps of an “arms” circuit?! How do other full time working mums do it? It honestly baffles me - I feel I have to make a choice between practically starving myself to slim down, or stop sleeping so I can start exercising (I’m exaggerating of course, but that’s almost what it feels like). How?! How the hell can I fit it in?!

And your husband does what exactly??
Exercise is always an additional, you can lose weight with healthy food choices. Start with that first.

Am I missing something but did you not say you do two dog walks a day? That's more exercise than I do to be honest! What's your diet like? Maybe that's where the problem is.

Losing weight is mostly about what you're eating rather than how much you're exercising. You're already walking the dog twice a day so that should be plenty of cardio.

Also, to echo what everyone else is saying, what exactly is your DH contributing?

Your health issues mean that your body needs to be a priority.

How far do you walk the dog?

Can Dh do a couple of mornings so that you can go to the gym?

How is your diet?

Your DH needs to do either the morning or the evening dog walk. Then you alternate who gets DD ready in the morning plus all the morning household bits (dishwasher, washing etc). DH either eats the same as you or cooks for himself. Alternate who cleans up, why are you doing all of this every day? You're never going to have time to fit anything else in if you're not sharing household tasks equally.

I'd give yourself a break, OP. And I am a very keen exerciser (strength train quite seriously, run, do classes) but when my dc were little and my dh worked long hours, I didn't do much. I never cooked him separate meals though. If I ate with the dc, he got his reheated later. I'd cut that out and see if there are times in the week he can step up too.

And I would focus on finding one slot a week when you can do a strength-based class if available locally, as that's the easiest way IMO and IME to carve out time for yourself. Doesn't matter what it is - Pilates, park bootcamp, circuits (and the latter will have cardio elements too) - as long as there is a strength element, you enjoy it or at least don't hate it, and you can go every week. Consistency is all. Saturday morning is a very popular time for classes - both gym-based and in local parks - and you can be home in time for the day.

You are walking dogs twice a day already and if you can fit in some brisker walks (even just 20 mins fast in the evening), or runs, great. But for now, I would focus on doing one good class a week that incorporates strength - it will make a difference and will give you something to build on as your dc get older.

There are some great online classes but I think it is much easier to commit (for dh too) if you leave the house at a set time every week. And a good in person class is a very efficient way to get fit, especially for beginners or when you just don't have the headspace to plan a programme. You can tweak/add to it/find out what you really like down the line.

Canicross with the dogs if you are able for cardio.

Dumbbell workouts at home for strength.

I saw an amazing PT for a while who has a subscription website. She does three live early workouts a week on zoom which are great as there are others on the call and that gives me the same motivation as if I were at the gym.

Also has loads of live recorded workouts archived so you can do them in your own time.

I just have 2 x 5kg , 2 x 7.5kg and 2 x 10kg dumbbells and a resistance band. A workout space the size of a large rug and that is enough space and equipment. 40 min sessions no running out to the gym, no having to make myself look decent before I leave the house.

Game changer.

The trick is to fit it in with other things. You have a dog. You walk the dog, that is exercise. If you want more exercise then change it to a brisk walk or run a bit. The dog will probably love it! (I have family members who are a couple and were both professional sports people. When they got a dog Inthought they were crazy but they both ran many miles a day for training so they just took the dog with them.)

You work at a university so are presumably quite near a gym. Block out 90 minutes twice per week and go to it. Something on a Saturday or Sunday and you're done.

I'm a full-time working single mum though, so am blessedly relieved of the the burden of a husband.

The problem I have is I genuinely have no idea how to fit it in!

Your problem is you have a husband who appears to do nothing in terms of your shared parenting & household.

I'm an academic and as I age, I have found that taking time out for fitness is essential. And I've stopped working Sundays as well as Saturdays. I work on Saturdays, but only after I've done a circuits class at the gym.

I got into fitness through the Fiit app. It has recordings of exercise classes of either 10, 25 or 40 mins. Soo many classes. You can choose a training plan - i started with fat burner, which is 4 weeks I think - or just pick individual classes as and when. Classes are divided between cardio, strength and rebalance (ie stretching, yoga, pilates). It is a fantastic way to get and stay fit especially if you don't have time to get to a gym. I started off with DP's old barbells, then gradually built up a collection of dumbbells.

I lost over a stone without realising. I looked at my reflection in the window one day and my waist was suddenly small. I hadn't been miserably weighing myself, counting calories etc. I'd been focusing on gaining strength and flexibility. That was over 2 years ago and I'm still using it 3x a week and have had another kid since. It genuinely changed my life.

So your big task is to sit down with your husband & do a huge, all-encompassing list of everything that needs doing in your family - all the tasks you list in your OP, and everything else.

Identify who does what at the moment, and look at the time tally. And then re-assign stuff so that you claw back a couple of hours a week to get to a gy, and work out with a PT.

Most PTs do a block of say, 10 sessions for a discounted rate - mine charges £400 for 10. If you pay for it in advance, then you have the financial impetus to go!

2 hours a week, plus all your dog walking, will get you very fit. But I'm afraid it's also about diet - it's 90% about diet! I was like you - really skinny until my mid-30s. I could eat as much of whatever I liked. Now I need to be thoughtful about what I eat: a lot of protein, a lot of vegetables, and rarely white carbs. Bread is a luxury food, and I rarely eat rice, pasta or potatoes. Broccoli is my staple, as is Greek yoghurt.

Better boundaries around sharing domestic responsibilities and containing work-life will help, just for quality of life in general.

You already do exercise with the dog walking time and you can tweak that to maximise it. Change pace, jog intervals, add in exercises while the dog has a sniff-stop, wear a weighted vest...

Little and often is a good approach to add in other exercise. 10-15 mins is achievable to carve out, and a good window to build up results.

When I worked (teaching) and had babies/ young children, Saturday 9am was my slot to get out to a fitness class. The rest of the household were in dozy mode, and I was awake anyway, so it was a good window to utilise for a longer session and to get out and do something for myself without eating into family time.

I found the best way to squeeze exercise into my day was to cycle to work. Tricky when the children were at nursery/ grandparents but doable once at primary and partner helped with drop offs. Is a bike with a child seat doable?

Errrm get your husband to help with some of the domestic tasks for a start

Professor here :)
Late 30s, 2 small kids, 1 pet, spouse also working fulltime.
it is BLOODY hard.

I have 1 rule: I never ever ever overwork in the evenings and weekends. Ever. I've told myself - if I could get to Prof without breaking that rule, it'll have to stick.

So for me - bedtime is 930 pm. No later. This means I am up at 5 ish naturally and take 45 mins to actually get up and have coffee. Drive to Gym at 6, back home for 730. this includes time to pause between exercising, shower at gym, get there and back.

Whilst this happens, spouse gets 7 yo showered and breakfasted and toddler readied for nursery and breakfasted and gets himself ready.

there's no way in hell I could do it at the end of work - there's too much chaos and too little energy.

I do the odd pilates/aqua zumba class in lunchtimes...

I meant to type I never ever ever WORK in the evenings. At all. Not "not overwork" - I mean laptop isn't switched on in evenings and weekends.

I've got 3 small kids and a demanding FT job, so get where you are coming from. Two things that have helped me:

1. Making myself a priority
   I read something like 'you give 10 hours a day to your employer, 2 hours a day to driving around... but you can't find 30 minutes a day to give to yourself and your health and well-being?' That really stuck with me.

2. Strength not weight
   Make good eating/exercise less about weight loss and more about your overall health. I want to be strong and healthy so I can run around after my children. I want to set them a good example. I sleep better when I exercise and I feel so much happier in myself. Don't make it about numbers on a scale. Crash dieting is not the answer either.

3. Set yourself a challenge
   This summer I signed up to a 30 days online workout challenge, led by a local PT. It cost (but not a huge amount) so I feel like I have to do it, there is a Whatsapp group which holds me accountable. On bad days, I tell myself it's 'just' 30 days, it's not forever and I will be so annoyed with myself if I break my streak. On good days I know that I'm creating new, good habits and proving to myself that I can commit to finding 30 minutes a day.

Haha! I was interested in your devout

Grr! Mistakenly posted.

Meant to say, I was interested in your definition of 'overwork'!

Claw back time.

Is there a day that you and hubby can eat a hot meal at work so you don't have to cook in the evening? Or cook double one day and heat it up the next/get DH to pick up the slack.

Stop doing everything for everyone. There's no need to cook twice. Let the cleaning/washing slide a bit.

Today I did a 15 min HIIT workout while my toddler ate her breakfast in the high chair. I had to stop a few times to rescue the food being chucked about but I did it. If you want to do it, you will do it.

Another thing is to timetable it - and pay for it. If you've booked and paid for a class, you will go to it because otherwise it's a waste of money. Alternatively agree a time slot at the weekend/one evening when you have your exercise time and DH has DD.

Is there a gym near your workplace? Block a couple of lunches per week and treat them as non-negotiable, not tentative that can be cancelled whenever someone wants to see you.
Is DH really out 5AM to midnight? If not, he should do some of the mornings and/or evenings with pets and DC so you can exercise.
But yes you can indeed do those 25 burpees at any time, will take you about a couple of minutes. Even while waiting for the kettle to boil.

Get your husband to make his own dinner and do the washing up. Don't ask him tell him.

Can you do interval running with the dogs instead of walking?
Do you have space for some dumbells at home? if not use the time that you were cooking husbands meal and cleaning to head out to the gym once or twice a week.