How the hell can I fit it all in?!

[CrazyCatLadyWantsADog]

well, the gist is above, but for context - I am really struggling to find a way to fit in exercise when I work full time, parent a toddler and care for 4 pets, and run the house.

I’m an academic, which means I’m quite often juggling research and book projects well into the evenings and weekends; and as much as I try to be strict about spending time with my DD and not working when she’s with me; work always seems to seep into all hours of the day, every day.

My days start at 5/6am with dog walks, feeding animals (we have 3 cats and a dog), emptying the dishwasher, clearing up, preparing drinks for DD and the husband, picking up the washing and putting it away, and then getting in the shower. I get ready for work and get my DD ready too. I then sit with her whilst she eats breakfast/a snack and reply to emails, before we jump in the car and head to nursery. My normal day (it’s summer holidays now) starts with giving lectures between 9 and 12 without breaks; lunch meetings; research meetings, student meetings, department meetings and then trying to squeeze in research and book writing until 5pm when I pick up DD. It’s then the mad dash of get DD bathed, fed and into bed by 7pm, plus another dog walk, feed the animals, load the washing machine again, cook a separate meal for the husband when he gets home, wash up, clear up, shower and back to the sofa for 8/9pm for more time at the computer writing/preparing lectures.

I am truly, TRULY miserable with my appearance. I know it shouldn’t matter - and ironically, I would never endorse my students or colleagues putting so much emphasis on their appearance - but I hate my body. Before I became an academic, I had a career as a fashion journalist, and would take care of my body and mental health. I wasn’t particularly into exercise, but I was in my twenties and could get away with copious amounts of coffee (and nicotine), some salads and the odd press meal. I was a size 6 (UK) and wore fabulous clothes. I wasn’t fully happy with myself but I was confident. Fast forward 20 years and I’m 41, bordering on overweight and keen to start to make some changes for a healthier lifestyle. I’ve also been diagnosed with some health issues which have made me realise I need to start taking my health seriously - no more copious coffees and trying to be a size 6 - just healthy eating and exercise to build a longer life.

The problem I have is I genuinely have no idea how to fit it in! When am I supposed to do 25 burpees, 30 minute run, and 4 reps of an “arms” circuit?! How do other full time working mums do it? It honestly baffles me - I feel I have to make a choice between practically starving myself to slim down, or stop sleeping so I can start exercising (I’m exaggerating of course, but that’s almost what it feels like). How?! How the hell can I fit it in?!

Let your husband make his own sodding dinner for starters… does he also get up and help you unload the dishwasher in the morning etc? Can he pick dd up from nursery 2 or 3 times a week or do the drop off 2-3 times a week? Also what type of dogs do you have? Could they run with you if you started the c25k? Either as the morning walk or the evening walk? If not then can your husband do the evening walk and you could do some exercise at home? You sound totally stressed out of your nap, maybe doing one of the Adrienne 30 day yogas would be a good alternative, even if you did one 3 times a week while your husband walked the dogs in the evening you’d start to tone up, they’re a proper workout even though they’re not cardio like a run would be.

essentially, ditch something, or get your dh to take on something you normally do to free you up, you can’t fit any more in to your days the way they are at the minute.

Why is your DH not emptying the dishwasher, walking the dog, sorting laundry, making his own coffee and doing his share of dinners and nursery runs? That wot free up some time, wouldn't it?

How old is your DD?
How far do you walk the dogs?
Tell us about how your DH contributes to running the household.

As pp have said.
Dh needs to help free some of your time up to do some exercise. Even 30mins to yourself doing some HIT training or going for a run will de stress you.
You and your husband should be working as a team, sounds like you are doing much much more.

I have 2 children and work full time. I prioritise exercise and my husband also sees it as essential for both of us

So that’s what we do. We work out our weekly schedule and agree who will watch the children when the other exercises. Mostly I do it before work but sometimes when the kids are in bed.

We have a cleaner and get stuff like laundry done at weekends. Everyone has time for a 30 min HIIT session. Everyone.

Erm, what does your husband actually contribute to the household in terms of helping with the child, animals and chores? Your post reads as a big fat nothing to any of that!

25 burpees while you DD is eating breakfast.

Dog can help you run https://dogfit.co.uk/pages/canicross-kit

DH can cook his own dinner or have the same as you and DD, this is what microwaves were invented for.

I feel like you've dropped the stuff you do in for DH in there on purpose. You must know that making him drinks and a separate evening meal is totally unnecessary.

The rest... well yeah it's hard. No magic answers. What do weekends look like? Do you both have free time ? Does DH exercise?

Can you run with the dogs?

Pick one evening a week and one weekend morning that you’re going to devote to an hour of exercise, and then build that into the family’s routine. The dog walking counts as exercise too, so your baseline activity is probably already pretty good

I agree with PP about your DH but this is also significant:

work always seems to seep into all hours of the day, every day.

(I work in an academic / teaching role in a university too, so I do understand the juggling).

You are working from the moment you get up till late at night, that's unhealthy in itself. Emails at breakfast, lunch meetings, more work after 9 pm.

You can fit exercise in by

• passing morning chores / getting DD up to DH
• exercising at lunchtime
• exercising early evening while DH sorts DD & dinner

You need to put boundaries around work too - decide you'll work only certain evenings. No emails before you actually start work. Take lunch. Set aside some time at weekends but then that's it.

You need to change your mindset. That's if you want to exercise, it doesn't need to be a priority on your life if you don't want it to be. Your post shows your mind is focused on all the barriers and that exercise is low on your list of priorities. It's high on my list, very near the top, and I'd let lots of things on your list slide well before exercise. You could train 3 times a week for a hour and it would make a difference. It may well also positively affect everything else on your list, it does for me. There's no point other people saying why not drop x or y cos unless it comes from you you'll find other reasons you can't do it. If it's a priority find a way, if it's not, don't.

How I do it is have a husband who shares the load and a job that is normal hours.

I'm not sure how YOU do it without making some pretty big changes.

As usual- husband issue

Only partly - it's also a work issue, in terms of how much OP does.

All I know and see from having lots of friends into fitness, is that they prioritise themselves and something has to slide. My hubby is a runner without fail he will run for an hour a day with the warm up and shower palaver before and after. In the last 3 years I think he missed running about 4 times due to other factors. Im doing the same now instead of choosing Netflix or the hoover. Im not making elaborate meals anymore freeing up my evening and I will handover more tasks to him and not feel guilty if I am going to a class or to the garage for a workout.

Get some dumbbells have them in the house good to go. Full body workouts can take as little as 20min. There's loads on you tube.

Calorie deficit is the way forward for weight loss, you will be surprised at how they all wrack up from drinks and such, the exercise only boosts and compliments the weight loss esp if that's not the main way you are able to loose weight. I don't know what the percentages are but diet is the main factor. This you can control by shopping accordingly and cutting back?

Little consistent steps.

It’s a challenge, but you definitely have time for exercise/movement, it’s more a question of what you prioritise. I brought up two small kids, alone (widowed at 30), whilst working full time and managing the household. Fitness was something I prioritised.

I think the first error is thinking you need 30 minutes to an hour to spare and it needs to be some form of structured exercise to have any benefit. All movement counts! Changing your mindset around what constitutes exercise helps with consistency.

Your schedule suggests lots of opportunities to add movement. For example, with some of the meetings, why not make them walking meetings? Or, do movement snacks for a couple of minutes between meetings (squats, lunges etc). With the dog walks, why don’t you increase the intensity by pushing the walking pace to a level that’s harder than a stroll but where you can still speak full sentences. At home, could you add pull up bar and parallel dip bars to the garden?

At weekends, can you make them active with the kid? Can you cycle to work? Is there a gym on campus?

Sit down with your husband and explain to him why it’s important to you and him that you share the burden and make time to stay fit and healthy.

The weight gain will primarily be down to diet, which might need an overhaul.

If you’re already out walking dogs can’t you just use that time? Walk a bit faster / run / stop periodically and do some lunges squats etc.

on a separate note your life sounds exhausting - perhaps you could also give yourself permission to “just” do the daily dog walk for now and worry about hard core exercise when life is less full. You aren’t sedentary so perhaps just focus more on the diet side of things now and as your dd gets older there will be more space?

Is your husband a mirage? He needs to do one end of the day, morning or evening, to give you an hour or so to go for a run, or do an online workout (or just sit down with a coffee and the new Vogue). The pets/cooking/school run/bedtime routine needs to be shared.

As an aside, I was also a fash mag slag in my 20s, and found the switch to motherhood and an alternative career really hard. It’s an industry that becomes such a huge part of your identity, a role that you have fought very hard to get, and it is hard to let that go. Or at least it was for me. Seeing my peers still in those jobs now we’re in our mid 40s, juggling both, I’m very envious, but it didn’t work out for me.

Unless there’s some massive drip feed about husband having disabilities or another reason that stops him contributing to the household … immediately stop doing those things for him and get him doing 50/50 chores/duties/childcare and have a conversation about prioritising your health for your sake and your family.

if your husband wants separate meal he sorts it.

No one can sustain what you’re doing. And you’re working more than you are being paid for so you need a conversation with your manager to stop this.

good luck!

Yes, I completely agree with this.

Ankle weights on dog walk.

blog.fitbit.com/exercise-with-dogs/

Definitely change your mindset. From a ‘I can’t fit it in’ to a ‘I can fit it in, let’s work out where’.

I was in a similar boat to you. Having loved exercise in previous years, is found myself putting on weight and eating badly. And blaming everything else, but not taking accountability.

I know that sounds harsh, and I really don’t mean it to be..but the moment I decided that exercise was holistically going to change my entire life and being, and started to change small things..I began to feel great. That led to bigger changes as now I’ve found myself putting exercise at the top of the list. Dh used to be a bit invisible too..but I think I’d enabled that also..in my martyr way. I began to ask him to stick dinner on, or mind the dc while I went for a run.

I now find it all fits in, and I’ve more energy and positive health for the bigger picture.

start small and it will come.

good luck. It will be worth it.

Yeah, where is your husband in all of this?