Encouraging my mam to exercise or being patronising?

[Irishfarmer]

I very worried about my mams physical health. She has never been sporty/ very fit but at 55 she is struggling to walk, she shuffles, hunches, walks very slow. My 70 yr old MIL is a lot fitter, my 75 yr old FIL is 10x fitter than both of them!

I am seriously worried in 10 years she will be in a mobility scooter or something. She has always been over weight, very much so in her 40s but has lost a good few stone and while still over weight she is down to a size 18. Her sisters are a similar size but much fitter.

I am expecting my 1st child this summer she says I can't wait to play with him like my sis does with her GS but she just will not be able to keep up.

She says she goes walking in the evening and that she will join the swimming pool but she doesn't. I stayed with her over the weekend. I wanted to go to the shop, I've just check google maps it is 77m from her house, she offered to drive me!!! That is not the first time she has offered to drive me such a short distance.

I am genuinely really worried about her fitness levels. When she is up visiting me I say I need to take the dog for a walk and she comes. We are very slow and that is fine but how can I encourage her without patronising her?

Any idea welcome? Or should I just drop it? She is a grown woman

From your description of your DM struggling to walk and shuffling it's possible she has weak arches or Plantar Fasciitis. Being overweight and not exercising can contribute to this so maybe she'd benefit from arch supports.

I was worried about my DP for similar reasons. Hes 60. I found the NHS walking ten minutes app, and he’s actually using it! It’s very gentle, but a great way to get healthier with minimal effort. Maybe suggest it?

even if it is menopause, moving and getting some fresh air daily will make her feel better

Im 52 and do lots of exercise

Posted then realised the word I wanted is pronation! Feet falling inwards makes them ache so you don't exercise which makes it worse. I get the leather lined brown plastic ones from Pavers for £11.99 a pair. Some others havetoo high an archive which hurts.

It's very unusual to be shuffling around at age 55, and a size 18 isn't big enough to account for this level of immobility. Could she possibly have osteoarthritis which is making her joints stiff and painful?

Arch not archive!

Being overweight and inactive could well affect mobility

That’s why functional fitness is so important as you age

My parents are in their 70s and have been going to a personal trainer for 15 plus years. He's great, really adapts to their needs. My mum walks on the treadmill, does the rowing machine etc very gently. It's perfect for them, it makes them do stuff. Because they book it and pay, they always do it.

Maybe she's self conscious about exercising in public. What about online? There are still zoom classes on the go I believe and plenty of YouTube videos.

I'm physically disabled and don't have much energy and have found 8 minute tai chi videos and the like very helpful. It's not a big cardio workout but all movement is good! I suppose it's about creating a habit of doing exercise? I hate exercising but I try to force myself and always feel a bit proud (and shattered) once I've done it.

Yeah, I'm 51 and thought I was reasonable young

If it is related to menopause, then maybe she needs a checkup and possibly HRT. There are other things that can go awry at this age which might not be helping - E.g hypothyroidism is quite common, can make you sluggish/tend to gain weight/depressed/tendon pains ..... I have that, the right dose of thyroxine helped enormously!

If anyone isn't feeling generally ok at this age fgs don't just put up with it, a blood test may reveal something like this which is treatable and can make a huge difference (and ultimately save the nhs a packet so don't feel you're wasting their time!)

That’s a hard one. 55 is definitely not too old to start exercise and shouldn’t be a barrier.

Finding an understanding PT who can offer encouragement and help begin an exercise routine could really be beneficial. PTs are there to help and offer advice, plus having a session booked helps with accountability.

I'm 55 and just restarted the couch to 5k with plans to move on to the 5k to 10k once finished that.

Im certainly not planning on giving up and slipping into old age just yet!

OP's concerns are valid, and the stratgies being considered are fairly realistic. Being mobile is the greatest stage that's important to health. Being able to run 5k, 10k, marathons is all diminishing returns beyond having the energy to get through the day, great if you can and want to do them.

Ultimately all you can do is nudge sensible strategies and encouragement but it is her choice to take them up or not. If she is generally negative and shoots down any suggestions about improving life, that's a tough battle.

I do a lot for many reasons including wanting strong muscle mass and less superflous weight to shift around in my later years. I've got an elderly relative who was active in a general living way until her late 80s. Now at 90 she's too weak to get out of her bed. Unfortunately her generation wasn't encouraged to lift weights and get sweaty and the toll on bone density and muscle mass is not good. I'd like to defer that kind of aging as long as I can.

Yes... one of the basics is being able to get out of a chair easily. A while ago I heard something on the radio about the number of older people with problems in their shoulders etc caused because their legs weren't strong enough so they were using their arms to haul themselves up. At that point I resolved to not use my hands to get up from the floor or a chair for as long as possible. Or to go 'oof'. Unless you've got some specific joint problems, it's not that hard to do so long as you keep doing it.

Yes, and putting your socks on is another test, apparently!

like @BogRollBOGOF I’m doing weight training and jogging to try to maintain muscle mass and bone density into old age.

it’s really difficult if someone doesn’t want to do it though.

@MyrtleCags fantastic so menopause is not one and done! I'll say it to her about the HRT drug to mention it to the GP

Some other interesting things on here. I have been trying to encourage her to go the GP for stiffness/ joint issues. She doesn't like her GP and I don't think by the sound of it he is very good. I think she needs a full blood screening and a look over. Her mam had osteoporosis and she complains about a pain in her hand/ it tenses up.

My steps watch is waterproof so if she likes it I'll get her the same one. €40 on amazon so wasn't the most expensive thing. I'll also download the NHS app, I think couch to 5 k might be a bit much for her to start with.

She isn't negative, in fact she is the opposite. She will say yes I must do that. I need to get fit, I want to lose a stone. I'd love to do that 5/10km walk for charity with my sisters. But then does nothing to achieve it.

I'll keep trying to gently encourage her and do some of the things ye suggested. I get it, she works hard and often it is nice to go home and relax in front of the telly. She doesn't have a bad diet to be fair it's just the movement

You sound like a lovely daughter @Irishfarmer .