Partner doesn’t understand how I feel about exercise

[lifestooshortandsoami]

Does anyone else’s dh not seem supportive of their exercising?
I’ve always tried to keep fit and been to gyms over the years - dh has always passed the odd negative comment but not much and I just ignored it.
The last year I’ve started running, well it’s a slow jog/ walk, and whilst he says he’s supportive he doesn’t seem it. He always passes comment and says things like ‘oh you’re obsessed’ and lots of eye rolling huffing about. He hates when I talk about it and that I get up early to do it- but I have to as with kids and work id not end up getting out?
Is it just one of those things I’ll have to put up with? I’ve tried talking to him but he just says I always support you- but actually it feels like the opposite!
It’s so tricky as I find it hard to motivate myself as it is so when someone makes you feel guilty for going the temptation to not do it is strong.
Oh and one thing to mention is I broke my foot/ badly sprained my ankle two years ago, just by falling down one step at home, so he says he worries about me? Is it that or is he just being a bit of a knob?

He’s being a knob. My DH is a bit like this and it annoys me. He’ll also say “I am supportive”, when actually no, his first comment is usually a negative one.

The only advice I can give is to ignore it. I’ve explained to DH that I don’t like it, and when he does it, I ignore him.

He's annoyed you are enjoying time without him, leaving DCs with him, choosing to do sport rather than being around pandering to his needs.

He is being a knob. Just get on and do it. My DH doesn't keep track if when I run when I don't and prob doesn't care. I don't feel like I need his support to do it or for him to be supportive as it is something I do for me though so I don't care about that aspect.

No, not at all. My DH is super supportive and we train together everyday (both WFH). He built a gym in the summerhouse over the first lockdown and he motivates me to join him working out. I love training but can be a bit of a procrastinator, there is always work to do, he encourages me to put my laptop down and get my gym gear on.

Some men (and women of course) are selfish and downright weird keep training and improving yourself 🙌🏼

Ugh! I hate the "you're obsessed" " you're taking this so seriously!"

No - I've joined a running club and enter races to improve my running and motivate me long term

I get this from family and "friends" who say this through guilt at their own lack of exercise - p*s me off!

My DH does not say this and thank fully "gets" it.

Sorry OP no help to you but empathy that it is super annoying

@GreatAuntEmily

He's annoyed you are enjoying time without him, leaving DCs with him, choosing to do sport rather than being around pandering to his needs.

Yep, it's this.

He doesn’t want you to do it.
It makes him feel bad about himself, and he doesn’t want you not being there to impact him.

DH did genuinely worry about me if he thought I was overdoing it. He also worried about injuries because he knew what I'd be like if I couldn't run

There were times when he felt it was taking too much from the family. Not just the time spent running, but the being tired afterwards and we'd talk about that, but mostly he was supportive and proud of my achievements and liked having a fit wife

@DinosaurDiana

He doesn’t want you to do it. It makes him feel bad about himself, and he doesn’t want you not being there to impact him.

AND he has to look after the children, this is his protest that you are neglecting your duties and making him do wimmin's work.

He's being a prick about it, you should tell him you have no need for his approval.

Plain and simple jealousy I’d say
Childish prick

Does he do any exercise himself? Is he afraid you'll be fitter than him and not fancy him anymore/ meet someone at running club? Usually men who are into a sport themselves get the benefits and are more understanding and actively want their partner to stay fit.

Does he get equivalent time off from work and childcare to do his hobbies? He should do.

DH and I used to go to the gym separately due to childcare but now our kids are secondary age we go together which is much more fun and easier to fit in. Are your kids old enough that you could run together? Would DH want to try that?

Why not ask him if he'd like to exercise or if he doesn't (you can't force someone) then if he'd like time for his own hobby quid pro quo?

It doesn't sound from your post that you are 'obsessed' but people can get like that.

Often it's the MAMIL types or marathon runners off on long cycle rides/ runs all weekend leaving their wife in charge of the kids. That kind of thing it is legitimate to complain about as it does put more pressure on the other parent if one has unilaterally taken most of a weekend day and some evenings to do their sport and left the other with no spare time or family time.

Nipping out for a run in the morning a few times a week doesn't seem to fall into that category to me but I do think there could be instances where it would be legitimate for a spouse to be 'unsupportive' of someone's hobby.

You can't magic up support from him. If he's just paying lip service (and badly at that) there's not a great deal you can do. Mine constantly fussed about me overdoing it. I just ignored him and got on with it. 5 years later (!) he has stopped fussing, accepted this is not a craze I am going to get over and has realised my exercise is non-negotiable. He's actually started to take some interest in it now. I think it's only out of politeness so I don't bang on about it, but it's progress.

I run and fell 3 times over 2 years (tripped on pavements and had nasty grazes). My dh’s response was to get me an Apple Watch with built in falls detection. Your dh is a knob. I sometimes feel guilty going to the gym as it’s me time and dh has to put dc to bed but dh is fine about it and encourages me to go; it’s my own mum guilt.

Is he feeling insecure that you'll decide he's not good enough for you (not being that fit himself) so you're going to find a fitter bloke?

It sounds like he's feeling insecure; if he's a good guy otherwise, worth a bit of reassurance so he knows your hobby is not a threat to the relationship.

@Iggly

He’s being a knob. My DH is a bit like this and it annoys me. He’ll also say “I am supportive”, when actually no, his first comment is usually a negative one.

The only advice I can give is to ignore it. I’ve explained to DH that I don’t like it, and when he does it, I ignore him.

I thought he was being a knob and seems I was right I think I need to learn to ignore it instead of letting it irritate me!

@GreatAuntEmily

He's annoyed you are enjoying time without him, leaving DCs with him, choosing to do sport rather than being around pandering to his needs.

I suspect it is this and that he doesn’t like the fact I can enjoy myself doing something I like- especially as it’s not some thing he likes

@Cloudbaser

He is being a knob. Just get on and do it. My DH doesn't keep track if when I run when I don't and prob doesn't care. I don't feel like I need his support to do it or for him to be supportive as it is something I do for me though so I don't care about that aspect.

@Cloudbaser thank you for this as it’s made me realise how Im thinking.... why do I need his support? I don’t as it’s some to isn’t it doing for me and it makes me feel great. I’m going to ignore him being a knob

@CovoidOfAllHumanity

Does he do any exercise himself? Is he afraid you'll be fitter than him and not fancy him anymore/ meet someone at running club? Usually men who are into a sport themselves get the benefits and are more understanding and actively want their partner to stay fit.

Does he get equivalent time off from work and childcare to do his hobbies? He should do.

DH and I used to go to the gym separately due to childcare but now our kids are secondary age we go together which is much more fun and easier to fit in. Are your kids old enough that you could run together? Would DH want to try that?

Why not ask him if he'd like to exercise or if he doesn't (you can't force someone) then if he'd like time for his own hobby quid pro quo?

I think it’s partly guilt/ jealousy as he’s always saying he wants to go to the gym and get fitter but he literally goes about once a month, if that. He does get equal time, if not more time, away from the kids but chooses to go to pub/ go for something to eat etc
I’ve suggested to him about running with me (dc 15 and 10) but he doesn’t want to. I’ve encouraged him to go to the gym but he won’t set a plan to go and then says he doesn’t have time

Is he like this with everything you do without him or just exercise? Sounds like he's upset you've dared to have an interest without him

@CovoidOfAllHumanity

It doesn't sound from your post that you are 'obsessed' but people can get like that.

Often it's the MAMIL types or marathon runners off on long cycle rides/ runs all weekend leaving their wife in charge of the kids. That kind of thing it is legitimate to complain about as it does put more pressure on the other parent if one has unilaterally taken most of a weekend day and some evenings to do their sport and left the other with no spare time or family time.

Nipping out for a run in the morning a few times a week doesn't seem to fall into that category to me but I do think there could be instances where it would be legitimate for a spouse to be 'unsupportive' of someone's hobby.

@CovoidOfAllHumanity yeah I know what you mean and I’d get it if I was training hours on end. I literally go for less than an hour 3 times a week so def not a massive amount

@lljkk

Is he feeling insecure that you'll decide he's not good enough for you (not being that fit himself) so you're going to find a fitter bloke?

It sounds like he's feeling insecure; if he's a good guy otherwise, worth a bit of reassurance so he knows your hobby is not a threat to the relationship.

Actually yeah he used to be very insecure but isn’t as bad these days do it could be that. He used to always think he ‘wasn’t good enough’ so it could be his insecurities making him behave like a knob! Will reassure him (and tell him to stop being a knob and realise im not going anywhere!)

@Hissysnake

Is he like this with everything you do without him or just exercise? Sounds like he's upset you've dared to have an interest without him

@Hissysnake he’s usually ok and I don’t remember him being like this about going to the gym but it’s prob about 3 years since I regularly went to the gym... I’ve mainly noticed it this last year with my running? You’d think after spending so much time together this last year he’d be glad for me to get out of the house!

I'm into running and exercise while DH isn't. I never get any of that reaction from my DH. He tells me to enter races and he tells me I should run/gym because he knows I enjoy it. Over the last 9 years that I've been running I think I can count on one hand the times when he's politely requested I not do a parkrun/race whatever, but those times was for a genuine reason (family event etc). Sounds like he is just trying to make it difficult for you. Just carry on what you're doing and enjoy yourself.

@m0therofdragons

I run and fell 3 times over 2 years (tripped on pavements and had nasty grazes). My dh’s response was to get me an Apple Watch with built in falls detection. Your dh is a knob. I sometimes feel guilty going to the gym as it’s me time and dh has to put dc to bed but dh is fine about it and encourages me to go; it’s my own mum guilt.

Sorry to hear about your falls but that’s so lovely that he thought of a way to help. I didn’t even know the Apple Watch had a fall detection so might look into it (as I am clumsy!) Mum guilt is tough isn’t it! I think that’s why I then worry that I’m being selfish and shouldn’t go but I know I’m a better person when I exercise and get my space