I’m going to stand as an MEP in the next election

[GoFiguire]

What do you want me to put in my manifesto?

So far I have:

1. Bring back the Nit Nurse

2. to make it illegal for lorries to overtake other lorries on the A1

3. to say no, I have no experience, but I cannot be any worse than this current shit show

4. to fine local councils for leaving their council office lights on after 8pm and over the weekends

5. to REALLY hold Facebook/ instagram/ twitter accountable for their users. If they can’t ban the hate speech them I’m banning them. Did the taxable income.

There is more.

Haha I'll vote for you. You can't be any worse than the current shower o' shites!

Could you make it law that Jacob Rees Mogg is not allowed to leave his constituency?

Apologies to the people of Somerset but sometimes you have to take one foot the team.

Do you need a manifesto?
MEPs just discuss stuff on the behest of the EU lot. They dont actually do anything , it st least my one didn't .

sod the taxable income, obvs.

Thank you minkie I knew I could count on you ☺️😊😋

I’ll go one further - JRM under house arrest with no internet, phone, writing paper nor parchment nor quill.

bagpiss I need to pretend to stand for something when I write my leaflets!!!

Bagpuss. Sorry, Boris made me type it. I blame the EU /Farage.

I’ll go one further - JRM under house arrest with no internet, phone, writing paper nor parchment nor quill.

Can you put Boris and Nigel in one of his outhouses? Sounds like a winner.

Yep so, when you’re on the bus and someone rings the bell, the ‘bus stopping’ light has clearly lit up but, BUT, someone else finds it necessary to DING DING DING the bell anyway? Well, at that moment, they should be electrocuted. Put that in your manifesto and you get my vote.

Hmmmmmm, not sure Judas. I quite like dinging the bell.

But I’ll lie and say YESSS absolutely anything for votes.

"Do you need a manifesto? "

Yes, because it's an election under a form of PR under party list system, based on region (there are 9 in England, and one each for Wales, Scotland and NI, with number of seats per region varying between 3 and 10 depending on population)

So it's not like FPTP in a parliamentary constituency, where there is still a reasonable chance an independent candidate might win.

So yes to a manifesto - because you can't possibly cover the ground in person. Unless it's also yes to joining forces with the Monster Raving Loony Party

www.loonyparty.com/2017-general-election-manicfesto/

Sorry, typo - you need a manicfesto

Recent example linked above - the education policy seems to have more or less come into being by accident

"Social Media
All Social Media sites to be taken down for one day a year for a “Remember when we used to talk” day."

"We will rename the current Oyster travel cards, ‘Sardine Cards’ to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport"

Genius!!!!

That’s brilliant. I might join the MRLP as, rather frighteningly, some of their policies seem quite sensible in today’s climate.

I know someone who works in tax. I’ll ask him about the HMRC Nectar points.

So, I’ll need a nice outfit for the Election Result.

On a serious note, are you allowed to say “loony” these days? I’m going to stand as a semi-serious joke but I don’t wish to offend anyone.

You'll need a £5000 deposit:

www.electoralcommission.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0004/163525/EPE-Part-2a-Standing-as-an-independent-candidate.pdf

Can we add Cameron, May and Corbyn into those under house arrest, and I will vote for you.

Please make Snapchat filters illegal

£5000?!!! Ffs, I thought it was about £500. Bollocks, that’s the price of a car or a very nice holiday.

How many votes do you need to keep your deposit? (As you can see, I’ve done my research)

Brilliant link though. Thanks mockers. I’ve got until 25 April to organise this.

A Crowdfunding page might be the way to go?

"Vote for Me & I'll kick the bastards out" ...etc.

'How many votes do you need to keep your deposit? (As you can see, I’ve done my research)'

2.5% of all the valid votes cast in your region.

If you could add that schools must give a legal minimum of three weeks notice for dress up days, cake sales, etc I will vote for you.

I've just had a look at the results of the 2014 elections in a couple of regions, and (assuming I've read it right) you'd be looking at between 40,000 - 60,000 votes to avoid losing your deposit.

If turnout is high, then you might need more

. Not envy.

OK - the 3 weeks notice is going in the manifesto. With weekly reminders and daily updates for the week before.