I’m going to stand as an MEP in the next election

[GoFiguire]

What do you want me to put in my manifesto?

So far I have:

1. Bring back the Nit Nurse

2. to make it illegal for lorries to overtake other lorries on the A1

3. to say no, I have no experience, but I cannot be any worse than this current shit show

4. to fine local councils for leaving their council office lights on after 8pm and over the weekends

5. to REALLY hold Facebook/ instagram/ twitter accountable for their users. If they can’t ban the hate speech them I’m banning them. Did the taxable income.

There is more.

I want to ban daytime television - is this a vote loser?

Can you ban short people from carrying umbrellas please?

No. As a short person myself it is my basic human right to stay dry in the rain. I refer you to Article 50 of the Basic Human Rights Act 2019 Clause 2928373 paragraph 29384738282727722 item 6 It is a basic human right for short people throughout the world to stay dry in the rain.

I’m sorry if you feel you are annoyed that I didn’t get out of your way and you had to step into the gutter to avoid being pronged by a giant plastic mushroom. I’m sorry if you think that I am more important than you but really, don’t you know who I am?

Can you ban tall —normal sized— people from standing in front of me at events. Thus allowing me to actually see something other than a person’s back.

Town councils often have meetings until 9 or 10pm, if its not happening every day there are probably a bunch of people in the building.

Just going to add that in.

If you want to run you should, but please take it seriously! I don't want to swap a kipper who doesn't turn up for anything for someone who doesn't turn up because they assumed they wouldn't get in.

Can I add another...

Compulsory retakes of your driving test every 10 years to ensure that the people who can no longer reverse their cars down country lanes either a) have to learn or b) will stop blocking my road.

Agree running but I'd make it every 5 years until age 40 (in wider hope of reducing number of RTAs by targeting the ages which evidence says are most dangerous)

I totally agree lizzie and I will extend this to the theatre. Especially West End theatres where tickets cost £££ and the people in front block the entire view of the stage

What do you mean I’m not taking this seriously? See, this is where politics has gone wrong. All those pompous councillors in their late night meetings feeling oh so self important and pissing on the “little people” - whereas it’s the small stuff that politicians SHOULD sweat because this is what matters to people.

Politicians should stop focussing on the big issues like, how big will my pension be? Can I fiddle these expenses on my second house? Will I be Prime Minister? And they should focus on the small things like How do I make my constituents’ lives just a little bit better?

I know you are trying to be funny but this idea that councillors do fuck all is so damaging.

Parish councillors don't get paid at all, with very minimal allowances (maybe a few hundred pounds a year) District/County/unitary councillors usually get more, but it's a very small amount for what can be a 40hr a week job at that level (9k as a base rate for the whole year for eg)

Those at that level are making hugely important decisions about education, child services and housing...

Not every council or Councillor does this well, but making out its money for old rope doesn't help.

I don’t want to be a councillor.

Build rocket engines on the east coast to push Britain away from the continent, because Leave means Leave.

An interesting point safari but the question you meant to ask was “How quickly can we get GoFiguire an OBE?”

Build rocket engines on the east coast to push Britain away from the continent, because Leave means Leave.

Simpler and cheaper to make use of the existing wind turbines.

Absolutely mockers absolutely. But what you really meant to ask was “Where does Jacob Rees Mogg get his hair dye from?”