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Ethical dilemmas

Should I complain after a nurse shared my 16-year-old's medical details?

707 replies

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 29/08/2026 12:13

Oh come on op. If this happened, you 100% report it. A nurse knows full well this is completely unacceptable and a dismissal offence. Find your anger. I’m raging on your child’s behalf.

Wheresthebeach · 29/08/2026 12:14

Please report it. That’s awful.

Ileithyia · 29/08/2026 12:15

100% this is gross misconduct and a breach of your child’s confidentiality.

HeyPrune · 29/08/2026 12:16

Genuinely appalled. The nurse is clearly incapable of one of the basic tenets of the role: discretion about the patient.

You should absolutely report her. And no wonder you avoid the relevant relative, if that is how they behave!

Cocolapew · 29/08/2026 12:17

100% report, she should be sacked.

saraclara · 29/08/2026 12:17

I'm sorry, but you owe it to your child and to every patient who crosses the threshold of that hospital, to report her.

My daughter is a nurse and is absolutely scrupulous about maintaining confidentiality. She has to be. She needs her job

thisisyoursign · 29/08/2026 12:18

Please please complain. So unethical and the biggest breech of trust. Your poor child, I hope they’re ok and am so sorry they’ve been treated like this from someone in a position of trust. Disgraceful.

Any1ForTennis · 29/08/2026 12:19

NotanNHSnurseanymore · 29/08/2026 11:01

Relationship utterly irrelevant.

It kind of is though if complaining would cause a massive family feud that would last a lifetime.

E.g if if it was your 2nd cousin once removed, who cares, complain get them sacked.

If if was a niece, you could end up with your parents, siblings and nieces/nephew's never speaking to you or your kids etc ever again if the niece gets sacked and investigated by the police especially if they would have found out about the hospitalisation within a day or so through family chat anyway.

There was a family fallout in my family 2 generations back from me and I have no idea who my Dads aunties, uncles or cousins are all because my Grandad fell out with his brother in the 1970's due to something and nothing being overheard and misinterpreted by the local community police office in the village pub but he ended up being the one pushed out the family.

We know the OP is not BAU but what action they take probably depends on the repercussions for them.

DancingFerret · 29/08/2026 12:19

You have to report her; it's a serious breach of patient confidentiality.

As for your DH prioritising keeping the peace over his DD's welfare...🤬

feemcgee · 29/08/2026 12:21

Shocking, you must complain.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/08/2026 12:24

Good grief ! that was totally totally inappropriate !!!

as was the ' distant ' relative - I hope you put him or her firmly in their place.

FriendlyGreenAlien · 29/08/2026 12:25

Definitely report her. Breach of trust policy. Breach of professional code of conduct. Stress caused to your child. She cannot be allowed to just get away with it.

Xanhi · 29/08/2026 12:26

I would report this and I'm not a great one for reporting. There are lots of reasons why people keep their medical details to themselves. Besides being totally outrageous behaviour, ringing up a patient's relatives and telling them private information could put some patients in danger.

nomas · 29/08/2026 12:26

Yikes,, that’s really bad. I was expecting it to be something mild like a nurse telling waiting family what was going on.

But the nurse went above and beyond to gossip about what she saw, she needs disciplining or retraining on patient confidentiality.

NotMeAtAll · 29/08/2026 12:27

This has to be reported.

bettyrubble99 · 29/08/2026 12:28

This is outrageous! How dare they. Your poor child.
Yes. Take it as far as you can. I'm sure lots of MN will be able to tell you how to. I'd normally recommend PALS but i feel this warrents a more direct approach. I hope they're recovering well OP x

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 29/08/2026 12:29

I absolutely would report this both directly with the hospital and the HCPC

Alittlefrustrated · 29/08/2026 12:29

Sackable offence (I'm a retired nurse).
There is nil chance that the nurse doesn't know this, but couldn't resist anyway.
She might be a wonderful nurse in every other way, but that was a very stupid thing to do. I doubt it's the first and last time she will breach confidentiality.
Needs to be reported,but I suspect you won't.

thepariscrimefiles · 29/08/2026 12:30

Any1ForTennis · 29/08/2026 12:19

It kind of is though if complaining would cause a massive family feud that would last a lifetime.

E.g if if it was your 2nd cousin once removed, who cares, complain get them sacked.

If if was a niece, you could end up with your parents, siblings and nieces/nephew's never speaking to you or your kids etc ever again if the niece gets sacked and investigated by the police especially if they would have found out about the hospitalisation within a day or so through family chat anyway.

There was a family fallout in my family 2 generations back from me and I have no idea who my Dads aunties, uncles or cousins are all because my Grandad fell out with his brother in the 1970's due to something and nothing being overheard and misinterpreted by the local community police office in the village pub but he ended up being the one pushed out the family.

We know the OP is not BAU but what action they take probably depends on the repercussions for them.

The nurse that revealed that OP's child was in hospital isn't a family member. She contacted a family member to tell her that OP's child was in hospital. This resulted in this family member turning up at the hospital uninvited.

So the person that could get sacked isn't a member of the family. Of course OP should put in a complaint.

Redredrumdedrum · 29/08/2026 12:31

This has to be reported OP. It’s not even about your daughter, you have a part to play here in protecting this nurse’s patients going forwards. If she has such a lax attitude to confidentiality she really shouldn’t be working in the NHS.

StormGazing · 29/08/2026 12:32

Wow - what dimwit would think that’s ok?! Is this for real?

SoVeryVeryBored · 29/08/2026 12:32

That is outrageous. That nurse deserve to be sacked frankly. Please do complain.

Miyagi99 · 29/08/2026 12:33

This is sackable and she would have known it, report.

Applepe · 29/08/2026 12:33

Appalling behaviour. Report it. Actions have consequences.

ShyViewer · 29/08/2026 12:35

Agree with @Whorulestheroost1 I’m also a nurse of over 30 years experience and you should absolutely report this. I suspect it isn’t the first time the individual concerned has done this and if not reported, will almost certainly do it again