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Ethical dilemmas

Should I complain after a nurse shared my 16-year-old's medical details?

707 replies

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

OP posts:
Pinkfuchsia · 29/08/2026 17:22

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

Absolutely report. That’s a massive breach of confidentiality & caused distress to your child at an already difficult time

FreyaW · 29/08/2026 17:22

How dare they! Take it to the limit.

Whyamiherenow · 29/08/2026 17:23

I work in an area connected to NHS records. This is a major incident. It’s caused trauma and distress to you as parents / your child as a patient. This is unacceptable and 100% a complaint that needs to be made. This is very topical at the moment. Lots of people accessing records for people they have no right to etc. wholly wrong.

menopausalfart · 29/08/2026 17:24

You're damn right I'd complain. I let go a lot of things to keep the peace but something like this should be investigated.

Justamumsopinion · 29/08/2026 17:24

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

As a healthcare professional myself. This is shocking. This is gross misconduct and needs to be reported

5buns · 29/08/2026 17:24

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ItsNotMeEither · 29/08/2026 17:24

OMG! I rarely complain about anything, but this is so far beyond acceptable. You MUST put in a formal complaint!

menopausalfart · 29/08/2026 17:27

How did you find out that it was a nurse that phoned the relative?

WhyCantISayFork · 29/08/2026 17:27

It may have already been said as well, but the others that work alongside this woman must be aware of this breach (knowing your response to the relative showing up) so they should also see that she is held accountable.

GiveMearoomwithaview · 29/08/2026 17:29

I work for the NHS

She will be suspended on the spot and an investigation will take place.

However - the only proof you have is relative saying the nurse told her. If relative doubles down and says that’s a lie, how can you prove it? Did you see the text she sent? In that case (if nurse and relative lie) the trust will be in a hard place firing her

Chrysanthemumsinpots · 29/08/2026 17:30

GiveMearoomwithaview · 29/08/2026 17:29

I work for the NHS

She will be suspended on the spot and an investigation will take place.

However - the only proof you have is relative saying the nurse told her. If relative doubles down and says that’s a lie, how can you prove it? Did you see the text she sent? In that case (if nurse and relative lie) the trust will be in a hard place firing her

How did the relative know?

LolalaBouche · 29/08/2026 17:30

As a nurse, I think you have a duty to complain. To the Trust and the NMC.

Daisy95 · 29/08/2026 17:31

As a theatre nurse myself this is serious misconduct and you definitely should report!!
across the years of course we come across information however it is part of our job & code of conduct to keep that information confidential!

Comeonbabylightmyaga · 29/08/2026 17:34

The nurse should know better! Its outrageous!

I’ve nurses people that I know and friends of friends etc and the only way that their loved ones would know that I had been involved in their care is if the patient tells them!

5buns · 29/08/2026 17:34

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ForEdgyHare · 29/08/2026 17:35

This is awful. Absolutely complain. People have been in trouble for accessing medical records of people and this is the same type of thing.
my sisters are both nurses and have never done this to anyone or spoken about patients in this way to me, despite working quite locally to where we all live. They might say they got a lovely card from someone they looked after but thats as far as it goes. This person has massively breached confidentiality

5buns · 29/08/2026 17:36

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JaniieJones · 29/08/2026 17:37

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Yes, nearly 500 posts all saying report and the op didnt return.

They're either in a different country where the same rules don't apply or they've reported. Think we can all stop saying report it Grin

5buns · 29/08/2026 17:39

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GiveMearoomwithaview · 29/08/2026 17:39

Chrysanthemumsinpots · 29/08/2026 17:30

How did the relative know?

We all know how the relative knows

But if they both lie, the burden of proof is on OP

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/08/2026 17:41

I would definitely complain. This nurse would have known her actions would make her liable to being disciplined / sacked, and did it anyway.

And frankly, I'd want her sacked.

Happyd · 29/08/2026 17:44

💯 put in a complaint.. I would be furious

WouldYouLikeAnyToast · 29/08/2026 17:46

I've family members who work in the medical profession/medical receptionists.They absolutely CANNOT divulge any information at all, not even say if they've seen you walking by in the hospital or whatever.
Definitely complain, so out of order and gross misconduct.

Bedtimeread · 29/08/2026 17:52

I’m a nurse, that’s a real breech of trust and is completely unethical. You should complain x

Ifyounevergiveup · 29/08/2026 17:54

There isn’t a single person working in the NHS who wouldn’t know that this a gross violation of trust and utterly unacceptable. There also isn’t a single (honest) NHS worker who wouldn’t want you to report this person. They are an absolute disgrace to the service. Please, please report this.