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Ethical dilemmas

Should I complain after a nurse shared my 16-year-old's medical details?

707 replies

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

OP posts:
Tryagain26 · 29/08/2026 16:26

That is completely unacceptable and unprofessional. I think you should complain.
Nurses are bound by a code that forbids passing on information like that.
I know someone who is currently training to be a nurse and she said the tutors are constantly reiterating how important it is not to share information about the patients. So much so she was even reluctant to tell her mother very general information about what she had been doing on the ward. So I can't believe this nurse didn't know it was wrong.
I hope your daughter is recovering well

MyOliveMaker · 29/08/2026 16:27

Absolutely complain. Even if your child was happy for family to be informed it would only be the named contact and presumably your child would not have picked this person. The behavior of said nurse is absolutely appalling! Could have been a safeguarding issue 😡

Treemouse · 29/08/2026 16:29

Absolutely shocking!
you need to complain OP so your child knows that their feelings are valid, heard and people will take action for them. If you don’t your child may think their feelings don’t matter or no one cares that they are upset.

Maisey1991 · 29/08/2026 16:29

100% complain and make a massive noise about it!!
this is a massive breach of confidentiality, breech of trust values, breech of professional standards and ethics.

FluffyDiplodocus · 29/08/2026 16:29

10000% complain. I’m not a complainer by nature, but I would raise merry hell and then some about a breach like this!!

AnneShirleyBlythe · 29/08/2026 16:30

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

As a AHP I am horrified at this nurse's actions! She should definitely be disciplined & reminded of her responsibilities around confidentiality & the Caldicott principles.
I once treated my brothers step daughter while she was under her father’s care. My SIL asked me later why I hadn’t mentioned it & I told her it’s not my place to divulge info about patients. She wasn’t best pleased but it was up to her ex to let her know about their child’s visit to A&E, not me!

Tryagain26 · 29/08/2026 16:38

Laurmolonlabe · 29/08/2026 11:06

Yes, definitely lodge a formal complaint.

One of her colleagues may have already reported her.
But if she does lose her job as a result of OP reporting her then the fault lies with the nurse not with OP. Who knows what else she has shared or what she might share in the future if she isn't stopped.

AnneShirleyBlythe · 29/08/2026 16:44

BritishDesiGirl · 29/08/2026 10:33

Yes report it. I had my personal information divulged by a midwife to a, member of my family. I didn't report it and regret it so much.

That’s awful! My DM was a midwife for 40+ years & often received calls from family of a patient in labour. Their stock answer was ‘ Betty’s doing great! Betty or her partner will let you know when the baby has arrived’ A firm
way to let people know you won’t be telling them anything! Probably not required as much now with moblie phones. Family probably text the parents to be direct!

Jade9114 · 29/08/2026 16:47

100% complain !

AnneShirleyBlythe · 29/08/2026 16:47

Tryagain26 · 29/08/2026 16:38

One of her colleagues may have already reported her.
But if she does lose her job as a result of OP reporting her then the fault lies with the nurse not with OP. Who knows what else she has shared or what she might share in the future if she isn't stopped.

She is unlikely to lose her job but will be disciplined. She needs to learn this is not acceptable. Next time she could put someone in danger with her gossip.

Bamboozledbylife · 29/08/2026 16:48

100% complain. Absolute breach of patient confidentially

ChocolateCinderToffee · 29/08/2026 16:56

Not only should you complain, surely other staff must be aware of the situation? If so, they should be reporting their colleague.

Bellyblueboy · 29/08/2026 16:56

Please complain. This is a shocking breach of patient confidentiality

LazyCat96 · 29/08/2026 16:57

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

I work in the NHS and we undergo training that specifically says this is an absolute no no. You need to make a complaint.

Vaxtable · 29/08/2026 16:57

You complain immediately. Both you and your child have been upset

ots a massive breach of trust and GDPR and if she gets sacked that’s not your fault. She knows she should not give confidential information out to anyone

Bookwormlass · 29/08/2026 16:59

I work for the NHS, in a hospital, but not in a clinical role. All staff, whether clinical or not are not allowed, under any circumstances to divulge patients confidential information at all. We all have mandatory training on this.
This is a huge data breach, and a safeguarding issue. It needs reporting as a matter of urgency.
You should contact the hospital and ask to speak with the Data protection officer, with in the information governance department. Or the Caldicott guardian at the trust.
This nurse has caused your daughter distress, by divulging her private medical information, please do not allow her to get away with it.

Sage71 · 29/08/2026 17:02

I would definitely complain we have medical insurance and I have had to jump through hoops and get my adhd son to fill in two separate lots of forms to allow me access to speak on his behalf for claims setting up appointments seeing notes etc. I was told that because he is now 16 he can refuse us even though we are his parents and it being our insurance plan, him being in full time education and having no money to approve any charges and him being appalling with any form of paperwork because of his adhd. So if parents need permission a random member of staff sharing his details is definitely out of line and this needs reporting.

PrayForPlagues · 29/08/2026 17:03

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 29/08/2026 11:06

Just bear in mind they will.almost certainly lose their job

Good, she deserves to!

Bournetilly · 29/08/2026 17:09

I work in healthcare, you 100% need to report them.

MyMiniMetro · 29/08/2026 17:15

If this is in the UK, make a complaint to both the NMC and the NHS trust involved at the same time. I have a lot of sympathy for accidental breaches of confidentiality, but deliberately texting patient details to a third party is totally inexcusable. All healthcare staff should know this.

mindutopia · 29/08/2026 17:17

Massive job losing data breach and I’d be writing the complaint already and have notified the hospital before she went off shift. I hope she is forced out because that is huge. One of our registrars on a research project got in trouble for ccing rather than bcc’ing patients on an email accidentally. 🙄 I would literally cut and paste and edit what you’ve written here so they get the information quickly to act.

Downdowndownunder · 29/08/2026 17:17

I am a Consultant. Absolutely complain. This is a massive breach of policy and professional standards.

Winger124 · 29/08/2026 17:20

Midglet · 29/08/2026 10:00

My 16yr old had an incident this week that required medical intervention. They didn’t want people, even immediate family and close relatives, to know until they had underwent the operation and we respected those wishes. However a theatre nurse recognised their name and before my child was even under anaesthetic, the nurse had texted a distant relative of ours and divulged that not only was our child in for an operation , but the nature of such. The child was in theatre for four hours but within twenty mins of them being taken in the distant relative , who doesn’t have our mobile numbers, then started calling the hospital demanding details of our child’s prognosis and treatment. Thankfully we had been tipped off very quickly as the relative started contacting other family members ( who themselves weren’t aware of the situation until they themselves contacted us to see what was happening) and were able to request staff to refrain from divulging such. After several failed attempts the relative then turned up at the hospital and demanded access to our child, by which point they were out of surgery. The ward staff asked our 16 yr old ( with us present) if they would like the relative to gain access and our child immediately burst into tears with the thought …the relative is particularly difficult at the best of times and the children try to avoid all contact by their own choice . Thankfully again the staff were able to refuse the relative entry into the ward (Although our child is 16 and should have been in the adult wards a lack of beds had resulted in them being housed in the children’s ward with better security) . Anyway I am sitting stewing about the actions of this initial theatre nurse divulging private medical information to a third party . I know this is a huge breach of confidence and I hope such would be a disciplinary if I was to raise a complaint but I don’t know if I should . The nurse is a friend of the relative hence why she reached out and my family are divided as whether to take action as it will cause trouble within the wider family. Hubby thinks I should just forget it to keep the peace but I think the theatre nurse should be made aware her actions were totally unacceptable. I’ve never complained about anything before . Your thoughts would be appreciated !

Yes they should be reported. They know all about gdpr and that they are not allowed to share personal information - this is a massive breach

Itsallthebsame · 29/08/2026 17:21

I'm guessing that it's unanimous that you report. The nurse is an adult and in a position of power and I'm assuming as a nurse she must have a modicum of emotional intelligence and realise the relative would cause trouble.
Could she see you and your husband as doormats who wouldn't complain?
Also you need to stand up for your child, and let your child know thus is not acceptable behaviour. In my opinion you need to report her.

Voneska · 29/08/2026 17:21

I think that you should report it. But be aware that this person is likely to be struck off Nursing register.