Some advice would be reallllll helpful!!!!
For abt 8 months I have been hanging with my friend Charlie (fake names) and his girl Na. I met Charlie at school and would laugh and hang out, but that’s all, we weren’t super close but it was fun to hang out with each other at school. Then he moved and didn’t talk. Abt 8 months ago we reconnected. He hit me up to smoke and I was down but when I went to their house to meet, it was so dirty and “poor” that I deadahh thought it was a trap house. But no it’s where they genuinely live. They live with Charlie’s sister's house bc theyre parents are both too toxic to live with. Seriously they have some sad crazy back stories that explain their bad habits. That’s why I like hanging with them, I relate to having a turbulent life, and something abt the way they live so openly is comforting. The problem is not the fact that they live in a very economically disadvantaged neighborhood and house, as I do too. The problem is that they are very flawed in ways; they ask me for money a lot, and I have sent like 230$ in total. They also carelessly spend the money they really need on weed, fast food, and snacks when they should be going to the grocery store and buying shit like toilet paper, washing their clothes instead. Na has a job, but Charlie can’t bc he needs his mom to send him his birth documents and stuff, and didn't raise the funds to buy his birth certificate. He is also not in school currently bc of that.
However, they both are aware they aren’t living right but aren’t where they need to be. Charlie (I’m closer to him) tells me how he wishes he didn’t have to ask for money and have his own shi among other things. But I never really cared about who they were until today. We had a talk and Charlie was reminiscing abt how we first met and were talking about what a life of peace would look like to us. And I realize he actually sees me as a genuinely good friend and he’s attached to me.
I realize I've been selfishly only hanging out with them bc I don’t feel judged, don’t have to be alone, and just smoke. It’s nice to hang out with them, but I’m aware I see them m as a joke. A circus. Bums at times. I would be embarrassed if we hung around certain places, which I don't feel with all my friends. I am by no means perfect, but I don’t think I would make some of the decisions they make that obvi leads to negative consequences. And I’m not trying to judge them, I mean I choose to hang out. But now I’m not sure if I should continue to? When I told my older sister she said they sound like bums and I need to cut them off. But when I was being strict and saying no all the time to giving them money, we were all still cool so it’s not like the friendship is from using me although I think they do take advantage of me financially a little. Should I just continue to be friends but tell him he needs to lock the fuck in? It seems like he doesn’t have role models to check him as I did.
Charlie has a lot of good qualities tho. he listens well, he breaks bread with people even with the little shi he has, he’s funny, does actually chase his dream of being a rapper and NBA star (even if it’s unlikely), can start a conversation with strangers n shi. There are a lot of things I like about having him as a friend, but there are a lot of deeply flawed things about him that idk I should hang around and be influenced. For context, I am a senior (18) and going to the best college in my state which is also a top national college. I was top 5% in my school last year, but my grades have dropped due to poor time management. Even tho I’m a senior I take college classes at my local uni for college credits. But I do procrastinate a lot, dissociate, and have a bad relationship with drugs. Still, I feel like I should be surrounding myself with my people doing well in school, and taking accountability for their actions.
honestly there’s a lot of lore and you have to be there yourself to truly grasp the picture here, but I tried my best to paint a picture
Thank you if you actually read this, honestly I really need some big sister/brother advice.!!!!! But genuinely thanks for the advice.