Dad using Mum's holiday home with another woman

[MM1874]

Mum passed away 2016. In her later years her and my Dad had been lucky enough to afford a small holiday home that she and had furnished and decorated to her taste. She loved going up there. Dad got together with another woman 8 months after her passing and is going up to this house with new woman and letting her wider family use it with all the same furniture etc..thoughts?

Your Dad is entitled to use this house how he likes as it is his house.

Yeah in the early days I’d have had to bite my tongue very very hard in this situation.

But I guess if he’s been with the new partner since 2016 and they’re still together, it’s time to get over it.

Sorry you’re hurting OP, but your dad’s doing nothing wrong here

It’s his house.

It's his house too surely? Can I assume you don't get on with hus partner? Thought he moved on too quickly?

Please be happy for your dad.

I understand why this is upsetting for you, but I don't think this is an ethical dilemma. The house is your Dad's and it's up to him how he uses it and who he invites there.

Do you get to spend any time there yourself? I can definitely understand your feelings, particularly if it's a place you go to to feel close to memories of your mum.

It's insensitive of him but men are like that... only really bothered about the current woman they're getting serviced by.

But legally it's all his now and he can do whatever he likes with it.

I'm sorry, it must be so upsetting.

It has been 8 years.
Widowed men who have be3n happy in first marriage are more likely to want to find a new partner.
Just because he has doesn't mean your mum has been forgotten.

It’s been 8 years since your mum passed.

8 years is a long time, loneliness can be a killer. He probably loves the way your mum decorated the holiday home and if it's still beautiful- why change it? I'm sorry it's tough for you :(

She's not the new woman, they've been together 7 years. Do you have a relationship with her, could you say to dad that it's upsetting mums furniture is still there, would he think about replacing it and passing it onto your family instead. Do you all get use of the house too, I'd ask if Ii could remove personal possessions.

Surely your mum would want your dad to be happy?

You have no grounds for saying that it is insensitive of him. His wife - OP's mum - died 8 years ago. Would have been insensitive in the first year or two, but not now. And maybe he did do it too soon but the years have now rolled by and they are still together, so it is a real and enduring relationship.

OP it's really sad you lost your mum, but it is your dad's house now and he has a new partner. Unless you have real grounds for disliking her, try and be happy for him. And I do have experience of this in my family, a bereaved relative with a new partner. It's much better for everyone if the new partner can be made to feel welcome. She's not trying to replace your mum. They are just living their lives.
I am very sorry for your loss.

It seems like the decor and furnishing is an important detail to you. Would you be more comfortable if he'd removed all trace of your mum's taste before he started using it as a widower? He might feel strongly that it shouldn't be changed but you won't know unless you ask.

What a horrible, bitter comment.

"Serviced by"?! How about "in a loving long term relationship with"?

It’s your dad’s house to do with as he pleases. If you/someone have an issue with the fact it was decorated by your mum to her tastes imagine how you would feel if his partner took out all the furniture and redecorated… I don’t think they would win either way.

Have you spoken with your dad about your feelings on this? Perhaps if he knew, he’d be amenable to e.g. offering you some of the furniture your mum loved as a memory and doing some redecorating? Would that make it easier for you, or the opposite? That he has kept your mum’s decor does show that he hasn’t written her out of his life, but kept her in memory.

DH and I have been clear with each other that after one of us dies, the other is to move on and live with enough happiness for the both of us. Neither of us want the other to mourn bones and miss out on the chance to rebuild a new life, with a new partner if that’s on offer. Perhaps your mum and dad felt the same way?

I have the exact same situation except it was my dad and step-mums holiday home and now my step-mum uses it with her new partner. I have no issue with it whatsoever. In fact we sometimes go up and stay with them for a weekend. My dad would have wanted my step-mum to be happy and continue going up there and so I'm just pleased she has someone new to share it with.

It's his. What would you rather he did, sold it? Your mum passed away 8 years ago. He's allowed to have some pleasure in his life. It doesn't cancel your mum out. I'm a widow marrried to a widower and I'm not a replacement for my DHs first wife it doesn't mean that he didn't love her. What he has with me is different. Let him enjoy his life

“getting serviced by”? What an awful way to talk about his partner!

YABVU. It's your Dad's house and he is entitled to take his long term partner there. Try and be happy for him that he has found companionship or you risk ruining your relationship with him.

are they married with the new lady?

It’s his house.

Your mum is gone. She's not coming back. Your dad has every right to live his life and is doing nothing wrong. His marriage ended years ago upon the death of his wife, and kindly, OP, you need to let it go.