Dad using Mum's holiday home with another woman

[MM1874]

Mum passed away 2016. In her later years her and my Dad had been lucky enough to afford a small holiday home that she and had furnished and decorated to her taste. She loved going up there. Dad got together with another woman 8 months after her passing and is going up to this house with new woman and letting her wider family use it with all the same furniture etc..thoughts?

Mum died 8 years ago, and it was/is their holiday home.

what is the issue - do you think you should have inherited it ?

do you think he should have purchased new furniture
do you want the old furniture
do you want to replace the furniture

It is upsetting OP. When your mum dies and your dad meets another woman, it can be traumatising. People don't realise unless they've been in that position. Eight months was certainly pretty soon to meet someone else but it's a well known fact that widowers, unlike widows, find a new partner as soon as possible. You will naturally always view it as your mother's house but there's nothing you can do about it. It is legally now your dad's and he has moved on. I'm sure your mum would not want you to be so upset and would want you to move on too.

She's hardly 'new' after eight years. Your parents had probably started having children long before that point in their relationship/marriage.

After a distressing illness, my mum passed away. Very quickly my dad found a lady friend to spend time with. Instead of feeling bitter, I concentrated on being happy for my dad. He had a good few years of his life to live. I didn’t want him sitting at home being miserable.

It’s not insensitive at all to want some more years of happiness. Life is way too short.

I would expect the loss of your mum to make you feel uncomfortable about this, but it’s only because you loved her, not because you’re dad is doing anything wrong.

Your Dad must have shared some very happy times in that place with your mum and that’s why he wants to go back.

You mean your dad is using his holiday home, and you don't like it? It must be hard, but your dad is trying to live his life.

I'm so sorry for your loss x

Would you want your dad to be lonely and unhappy?

Be thankful he's met someone and is part of her life and extended family.

Isn't it lovely he has found someone to share his life with? You should be supportive and happy.

It is what it is. I am sorry that your mum has passed but it’s his house too. I totally get why it’s upsetting for you but it’s not wrong for him to do this. Are there some special sentimental pieces of furniture/decoration you particularly mind her using? You could ask your dad whether either he or you could replace them?

You're allowed to feel sad and miss your mum.
You don't need to discuss these feelings with your dad though.

No, I agree. It is tone deaf, disrespectful and rude of your dad. And the woman has no shame. It is not her house, she did not contribute and she uses it? Why can't you dad and his new woman go and buy their own house and invite the whole troupe of her relatives there? And don't listen to what commenters say: oohh, your mum would want him to be happy. No, she would not think about HIS happiness, her thoughts would have been of her children, not of his sex life. Your mum would not want other women and their offspring dwelling there. Speak to him? What are you waiting for? For him to marry her and then die and leave the house to her and her children? Speak to him and tell him how it makes you feel.

This is completely batshit.

She is not talking legalese, she knows it, she is talking decency, shame, elementary civilised behaviour.

I am sure, all her thoughts would have been 'my first priority is for him to be happy, let him move whoever he wants in, the sooner the better, sod my own children, as long as he is happy, that is it'. She was also thinking - let him do whatever he wants with this place - hopefully he will do a mirror will and if he dies before the new woman, then let her and her children inherit it, as long as he is happy, that is all that matters.

Let him share his life with whomever he wants, just leave mum's properly alone - he can move into this other woman's house, can't he? Nobody minds them shacking up asap with whomever they want, but leave the happy memories in the familial home unsoiled by the sticky paws of the new woman and her brood. Why can't the happy lovers chip in equally and buy a new love nest?

A response like that would encourage me to sell all the properties, buy somewhere in joint names and leave everything to the second spouse and their children bar a litter tray - for the cat's arse mouth you're pulling as you typed that.

It's been 8 YEARS!!!

As sad as it is, your dad still deserves a life and to be happy.

Would you rather he be the unhappy grieving widow all his life?

Oh dont be so ridiculous! The 'new' woman has been around for 7 years. It's his house now and he can do as he pleases with it. Nobody should be forced into moving homes for the sake of not having a new partner move into a home they've shared with someone else. Thats so immature and a complete waste of time and money. You sound really bitter and unhappy. Of course people should want their spouse to move on and be happy again if they die.

Imagine the new woman living in the ghost house of your mum. Decorated and she probably can’t change it. Cut her some slack. Grief affects everyone differently and there is no set time for relationships to start etc

I put a caviet in my will that husband can never use or take anyone he is even interested in - never mind lovers! - to my holiday home.

that’s Absolutely sickening! That was mine, bought for us! For our memories!

that place should go to the children, your dad can buy another place to enjoy with his other women - if he is so inclined.

I’m really sorry you have to see him behaving so inconsiderately. I’m positive it’s hard seeing him being so disrespectful to all your memories as a family there.

That’s all the ick!

Not legally enforceable. If you’re married it’s your mutual holiday home. Don’t be such a fool.

so ridiculous, not to mention selfish

Why? It’s just respect, if anything happened to my partner I’d sell up and move to another house or buy a new holiday home. It can be extremely distressing for children to see another woman lye in the bed where their mum used to be, or cooking in the kitchen where she cooked. People should move on but not in the same properties with same decor as was there before spouse died

Thanks for your responses

Thanks for this. He actually also moved her into the family home just over a year after my Mum passed. She was sleeping in the bed my Mum passed away in! This house has been sold but he took all my Mum's furniture from his old house to his new house together and said legally it was his so it's all quite hard. Appreciate people thinking just move on and be happy for him but not as easy as that sometimes.