Would you tell someone that her husband has a secret love child

[Ethicaldilemma12]

Two acquaintances of mine have been having an affair for years. Both are married. She fell pregnant a few years ago and wanted to keep the baby so she confessed to her husband that she was pregnant by someone else and he agreed to raise the child as his own. The other man is also married and knows the child is his. His wife does not know about the affair, although is somewhat suspicious. If you were the wife would you want to know that your husband has been having an affair for years and has fathered a child with someone else? Or would you prefer innocent bliss? Should I send an anonymous message to the wife, or is it none of my business?

Don’t stick your nose in. You will be responsible for testing apart two families. If the wife is suspicious she’ll figure it out. The husband (who is raising the other man’s child) has managed to keep quiet, so it feels ill judged for you to be the one to drop the grenade.

That’s what I’m thinking. But then I think if my DP got someone else pregnant then I’d really want to know…especially if loads of other people knew…🤔

If you decide to tell her, don't be a coward & do it anonymously.

I would want to know.

A child is a dependent. If anything happens to the mother then he will be that child's only living parent.

Even if her current partner has said he will raise the child as his own etc - that's not written in stone - nobody knows if that's really true through thick and thin and how long it will last for. At the end of the day he isn't the child's father and he knows that.

If there was a child who could potentially dependent on my husband, I would want to know about it.

Have you said to him that you feel uncomfortable being party to this information and that you feel you want to tell his wife, but that it should come from him? I’m not sure when you say ‘acquaintances’ how close you are?

Don't get involved, I can see the child involved getting the most hurt out of anyone.

It's better that it comes out now than years down the line when the child is in their teens, having been raised by a man who is pretending to be their father.

How do you know all this when the wife doesn’t?

Wow.

I honestly don’t think I could sleep at night knowing when she doesn’t. That’s utterly sick. Her husband - there are no words. To live every day a lie like that.

Yes I would tell her.

If I knew for sure, I'd let her know.

If nothing else, her husband is/was having unprotected sex with someone else. There are potential health implications.

I would want to know. But in your position I'd never think it was my role to tell her. That responsibility belongs to her husband, the affair partner or possibly, the man raising the child as his own. Not someone on the outside.

That’s my thought too. It doesn’t feel fair on the child. Surely when they are older they have a right to know who their biological father is especially he is around their house all the time socialising with them etc

Why now? The time to speak up was at the beginning.

The truth will come out at some point, it always does.

I agree that the child should be front and centre of your thoughts in all of this.

And to be honest, if the child is under 6/7 years old, it is much better that this happens now.

Finding out in your teens that your dad isn't your dad is world destroying. And they will eventually find out, one way or another.

It's in the child's best interests to say something.

Its really nothing to do with you. Let her find out by someone else. No one will thank you.

Noone will thank you - but in this life, some decisions are more important than being liked at the end of it.
Depends how sure you are/your relationship with the parties. You have to be CERTAIN.

I’m friends with the woman who is having the affair, although we have drifted recently as in all honesty I find it difficult being friends with her due to her actions. She even socialises with her other man’s wife and it just seems so two faced. She is not very good at keeping secrets and told me and a few other friends. I know her OM as an acquaintance as we all work together. I haven’t told her my feelings on the situation as I usually think these things aren’t my business.

Why do you think you have the right to throw the lives of everyone involved into the air?

Are there other children involved? How much chaos would that bring to their lives too, by opening this Pandora's Jar?

I would want to be told if it were me

I’m not sure I do have the right, which is why I’m posting here, to get some outside opinions.

There are no other children on either side.

If you know them I expect she already knows.

Why are you the only outsider who is privy to their revolting lifestyle?

I expect there are others who know so best to keep out of it and find a better class of acquaintances/friends then these low lives.

I’m not the only outsider who knows. I know she has told a few friends…she is not good at keeping secrets. Perhaps someone has already told the wife anyway.

And yes I agree I need to find new friends…I tried not to judge but it just makes me feel sick to be honest.

The worst part is apparently the wife really wants children but he has told her no because he doesn’t want children. Yet he has a child with someone else. Imagine how awful she’d feel knowing this, and knowing she’d wasted her life with him and given up her chance of children with him, when she could leave and have the chance of a family with a better partner. She’s still young enough to do that.

Although she has a right to know, the messenger always gets shot. Keep out of it. Let someone else spill the beans or wait for karma to bit the h on the arse.