Page 5 | DS is given lots of money. DD isn't

Coffee999 · 2023-04-10T15:22:29+00:00

Hi, my son's godfather gives him £200 at Christmas and £200 for his birthday. He is 15. My daughter, 8, has different god parents who give her a game, a book etc for Christmas and birthday. Should we make/ask our son share this huge amount of money with his sister?

aSofaNearYou · 12/04/2023 09:10

No, Rewis. Being a Godparent is a special relationship, separate from what you may have with the child's siblings. Give him or her whatever you want.

But the relationship only exists because the parents asked for it to. It might be that way, but I don't think that changes the fact that it's not a very good idea. Why would you want one of your children to have a close relationship with someone in which they're going to be really spoilt, but not their other child, when they could just both be close to that adult?

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 09:16

PurpleParrotfish · 12/04/2023 08:53

I thought being a godparent was just a token thing, more about your closeness to the parents that they would choose you to play that role at the christening. And with expectations limited to an annual birthday card and maybe a basic present! It’s an artificial relationship since if you see siblings equally often there’s no reason to think you’d actually be fonder of the one you’re godparent to. But apparently giving hundreds of pounds regularly as presents is not weird. Ah well, you learn something every day on MN.

You haven't understood the purpose of godparents, in that case?

aSofaNearYou · 12/04/2023 09:35

PurpleParrotfish · 12/04/2023 08:53

I thought being a godparent was just a token thing, more about your closeness to the parents that they would choose you to play that role at the christening. And with expectations limited to an annual birthday card and maybe a basic present! It’s an artificial relationship since if you see siblings equally often there’s no reason to think you’d actually be fonder of the one you’re godparent to. But apparently giving hundreds of pounds regularly as presents is not weird. Ah well, you learn something every day on MN.

This is my experience too. My DP is GP to one of his three DN's. As it happens, they are the one he likes best (largely because oldest child is the golden child and he feels bad for this one), but it's never made any difference to what he gifts them.

LBFseBrom · 12/04/2023 09:36

PurpleParrotfish, being a Godparent is not just a token gesture, though I know some are merely token. It's a responsibility many Godparents take quite seriously and they are chosen by the child's parents because they know they and their child will be able to rely on that person if necessary.

Most think of a Christening/baptism, usually in a church, but non Christian religions also have similar as do people of no religious faith such as Humanists.

There is an interesting article about Godparents on wiki which outlines various traditions.

BitchBrigade · 12/04/2023 09:55

Think it's weird your two kids have seperate Godparents in the first place. Wouldn't want my kids going to two seperate families if I were to die, especially where one is going to have better opportunity to the other.

Regardless, the fact that there is this huge imbalance is going to cause a LOT of issues between your kids. You can't take your sons money away and your daughter has nothing. I'd be saying "thanks but no thanks" to sons godparents unles you can match it for your daughter out of your own pocket.

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 09:58

BitchBrigade · 12/04/2023 09:55

Think it's weird your two kids have seperate Godparents in the first place. Wouldn't want my kids going to two seperate families if I were to die, especially where one is going to have better opportunity to the other.

Regardless, the fact that there is this huge imbalance is going to cause a LOT of issues between your kids. You can't take your sons money away and your daughter has nothing. I'd be saying "thanks but no thanks" to sons godparents unles you can match it for your daughter out of your own pocket.

Think it's weird your two kids have seperate Godparents in the first place. Wouldn't want my kids going to two seperate families if I were to die
Another one who has completely misunderstood the role of godparents 🤣
Of course godparents don't inherit their godchildren if their parents die 🤦‍♀️

PurpleParrotfish · 12/04/2023 10:00

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 09:16

You haven't understood the purpose of godparents, in that case?

Show quote history

I know in theory it’s meant to be about making sure the child is instructed in religion, but lots of people who are godparents aren’t actually religious and the parents know that. Often the parents aren’t particularly religious either.

And I believe in the past there might have been a responsibility to care for the child if the parents died?

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 10:02

PurpleParrotfish · 12/04/2023 10:00

I know in theory it’s meant to be about making sure the child is instructed in religion, but lots of people who are godparents aren’t actually religious and the parents know that. Often the parents aren’t particularly religious either.

And I believe in the past there might have been a responsibility to care for the child if the parents died?

Show quote history

Maybe they shouldn't be appointing godparents if they're not religious? What on earth is the point?
And no, there are no guardianship responsibilities related to the role.

Redebs · 12/04/2023 10:05

I think you should talk to the godparent and ask him to give a smaller amount, similar to your daughter, perhaps as a book token.

purpledalmation · 12/04/2023 10:13

No.

BitchBrigade · 12/04/2023 10:23

I was always under the impression it was originally someone who would help guide the child and step in the event of parental demise. Every day is a schoolday!

Seems it is just an honorary thing now, and totally pointless.

BitchBrigade · 12/04/2023 10:24

PurpleParrotfish · 12/04/2023 10:00

I know in theory it’s meant to be about making sure the child is instructed in religion, but lots of people who are godparents aren’t actually religious and the parents know that. Often the parents aren’t particularly religious either.

And I believe in the past there might have been a responsibility to care for the child if the parents died?

Show quote history

I am so glad i'm not the only one who thought the whole point was to be there to take on the kids! There must be a reason a large amount of people seem to think this.

PurpleParrotfish · 12/04/2023 10:41

I know people who’ve had their child christened even if they’re not religious - because they’re ‘culturally Christian’ and go to church at Christmas and Easter, because it’s an excuse for a party, because of pressure from grandparents…

I did specify the guardianship role may have been a thing ‘in the past’, and I double checked on Wikipedia which said “In both religious and civil views, a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development, to offer mentorship or claim legal guardianship of the child if anything should happen to the parents.”

Mentorship - Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mentorship

Confusedandthensome · 12/04/2023 17:17

My godchild's parent told me off for giving a present to their sibling. I understand this and I like having a godchild. I don't give £200 though!

ReadersD1gest · 12/04/2023 17:20

BitchBrigade · 12/04/2023 10:23

I was always under the impression it was originally someone who would help guide the child and step in the event of parental demise. Every day is a schoolday!

Seems it is just an honorary thing now, and totally pointless.

Not if it's for religious purposes in the first place 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
If it's not, maybe don't do it.

Rewis · 12/04/2023 22:50

BitchBrigade · 12/04/2023 10:24

I am so glad i'm not the only one who thought the whole point was to be there to take on the kids! There must be a reason a large amount of people seem to think this.

Show quote history

Mumsnet is the first place I've heard about this. Couldn't really find anything about the historical relationship between guardianship and godparent. There are sources rhat say "traditionally" but I'm curious if this tradition is 500 years old or 20 years old. Cause now it's religious guidance (if you are religious) or gift machine/adult friend/token mandstory thibg to follllow social normas (if culturally christian)

aSofaNearYou · 12/04/2023 23:37

Mumsnet is the first place I've heard about this. Couldn't really find anything about the historical relationship between guardianship and godparent. There are sources rhat say "traditionally" but I'm curious if this tradition is 500 years old or 20 years old. Cause now it's religious guidance (if you are religious) or gift machine/adult friend/token mandstory thibg to follllow social normas (if culturally christian)

I always thought it was about guardianship too growing up. Could have just been books like Harry Potter cementing the notion, but I definitely picked up that idea somewhere along the way.

LBFseBrom · 13/04/2023 01:16

Being a Godparent doesn't have to be a Christian or even a religious thing. It's a commitment that happens across the board. We have gone into this earlier in the thread but many posters don't appear to have read the thread. The wiki article on Godparents outlines the role well.

Delectable · 13/04/2023 01:20

Of course not.
What happens in 20yrs when your DS's GP need him to help... I don't know....paint a shed? Will DD go round to paint half? If her GP gifts her a mortgage deposit will she have to share that? All fingers are not equal but they can learn to be appreciative and gracious.

Maray1967 · 18/06/2023 17:51

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 17:07

Why?

Show quote history

To avoid this issue arising - at least as far as I’m concerned. I have godchildren who are siblings so that’s straightforward a f one who is also related so I treat her and her sibling the same, but I treat the sibling of my non/related godchild the same as I do his sister.

i avoided this situation for my two by having the same godparents because I would only have churchgoers like me in any case snd they are the only two out of all our friends who are.

HippoStraw · 18/06/2023 17:57

I’d just put £35 a month away for your daughter to match it.

AM1972 · 12/11/2023 21:53

NO!! The age gap is too big and who knows in 7 years time things will be a lot different... perhaps your son could buy his Sister a little something??