Friends reaction

[chocolatebubbles]

My friend is pregnant and I've just found out my son has contracted chicken pox so I've told people who my son has been in contact with. Most people have taken it well except my pregnant friend who's 29 weeks who has basically made me feel guilty even though I'd no idea he had chicken pox when I met her last week. The spots have just broke out with no obvious symptoms or signs. She is basically saying she needs to go for special tests now ect as nobody knows whether she's had chicken pox before (her mum can't remember). I understand she's worried but I offered everything I can including my sons gp details so she could talk to him herself. What more can I do? My gp has reassured me that part of the blood tests performed in early pregnancy check your immunity to things like chicken pox and if she wasn't immune she'd be told. I feel like I've so much to worry about looking after my son without been made feel guilty for something I was not aware he had.

I'm sure she's worried about the possible effect on her baby, but she's being unreasonable - you're not psychic; you didn't know your ds was incubating CP.

Your GP has reassured you, so don't worry about her. You can't change her reaction. Just concentrate on looking after your ds.

Don't worry, your did what you could. She will understand things like this when her child is born. I had different views about kids and parenting before I had my daughter, I was really naïve.

Yes the bloods she gave when 8 weeks pregnant will be able to tell.

I had this and they urgently found out for me on Christmas Eve else I was having to have As without family! So it can be found out quickly. I went though My midwife that was assigned to me and she got in touch with the hospital I think.

Not your fault, just remember that her mothering instincts and hormones are taking over. Don't hold it against her too much -
Once the fear is out the way she will relax.

Update: So 3 weeks after I posted this my friend updated me to say she is not immune to chicken pox and that she can become very sick if she gets infected. She then proceeds to say if I'd had paid for it my child would have been vaccinated against it.

It's just one of those things. Unfortunately children can be infectious before they've got symptoms.

You haven't done anything wrong at all. Don't let your friend make you feel guilty.

She could come into contact with people carrying chicken pox all over the place. You were responsible you did everything required.

Her mother oth couldn't even remember if she'd had pox.

If she knew she wasn't immune to chicken pox, why was she spending time with small children whilst pregnant? You have done nothing wrong - you didn't knowingly take a child with CP into the presence of a pregnant woman. Case closed.

She's a looney.

Chicken pox vaccination isn't even totally effective, so your dc might have got it anyway.

Serious over reaction there. I do get why she's anxious though.

She could have gotten the vaccination herself before she got pregnant

Thanks for all the replies my partner has said the same to me who did all you could do. I just feel really bad about it though

Is this in the uk? Where few children are vaccinated? Ask her why she didn't check her immunity status before visiting a house with a child.

A person whose had the private chicken pox vaccine can still contract the virus. The vaccine works like the flu ones where it kick starts the bodies reaction to it so the person is less ill than someone without the immunisation. I think! So even if your kids had the vaccine they may still have got the virus and she would still had been exposed.

You've done nowt wrong, your friend is missing the bigger picture.

She is being horrible. I'm on immunosuppressants and CP could kill me, but in the scenario you described I couldn't imagine blaming someone, especially a child, for getting sick and not being immediately recognisable as a CP infection.

If it has been 3 weeks then isn't that close to the maximum incubation period? So she is almost certainly fine, and trying to guilt trip you.

I would stop talking to her and letting her upset you.
At least for the next 18 months, and then call to make sure she has given her child the CP innoculation...

This is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. Hopefully your friend will realise this in time. There is no discussing this with her if this is how she feels right now. I would either ignore it or say I am sorry that you are stressed.

Children in the UK aren't routinely vaccinated for chicken pox. Surely since she is the one at risk being pregnant and not immune she should have had herself vaccinated before becoming pregnant if it was a concern for her. She could catch it in the supermarket from a child she's never met!

Pregnant with first child? She's just crazy hormonal. You did nothing wrong!
It sounds like you've been supportive and as helpful as you can. I'd just go back to whatever contact you had before, check in to see how she is etc.
Presumably by now she'd know if she had it or not sp she's in the clear.
I hope shed getting new baby immunised as early as possible for everything going irrespective of the cost? It could just have easily been her toddler and her pregnant with her second