Parents from different countries, disagree where to live, help!

[ebbieg]

Hi, I'm from Australia, my hubby from UK. I came to the uk on holiday 8 years ago. When my hubby and I met he knew I wanted to move there one day (and had I not met him would have moved back quite soon after). I fell pregnant two months into our relationship, and while we are now happily married with an 18 month old, I'm terribly homesick. He said he never wants to live there, and I want to spend at least some of my life back home, and for our child to know that side of things too. Other than flying there for a few weeks every year, I can't think of a compromise. Is anyone else on the same situation, and what have you done to find more even ground? I heard of one couple who had agreed to spend 5 years in one country then 5 years in another, which I thought sounded good.

hi, I am married to Dutch man, and when we first got together, we did discuss a lot where we might live in the future. We actually lived in another country altogether for 8 years, but now we have returned to UK.
Dh did say to me at one point early on that he would happily live in the uk if necessary, and that took a lot of pressure off. Now I would happily live in Holland if that was right for us, but kids are educated in English, so it would be hard.

I think it is very important for you as a couple to have spent significant time in each others culture. Even if they are similar/close as Uk and Australia are. I fact it may be even more important as you can be unaware of some of the subtle differences that make up our identity. This is not only about where you live, it is also about understanding each other, and respecting each others home background. For you with an 18 month old, there will be a lot of emotional stuff around being far away from family as well.

For a beginning, can you plan an extended holiday there? I am thinking of 2-3 months so you can properly get immersed in Australia and have time with family. If dh has never been there, he may be surprised at what it is like.

Thanks, that's a great response and its nice to hear that my concerns are valid. And I agree, I think the subtle differences in cultures are an important way of understanding each other. Time off is difficult due to my hubby's work, but that's probably the only option we have to get a better feel for things. He has been there before to visit but I'm a country girl and he's a London boy, it's just too different for him to have any appeal sadly. Tanks for your help :)