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Ethical dilemmas

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Original poster

Leaving baby for a week

18 replies

Mills307 · 27/05/2011 22:38

Hello, I have a seemingly small dilemma on my hands to which I fear there is no easy answer:
I sing with a swing band as a hobby and singing has been a great passion of mine for many years. The band is going on a trip to france in July for a week. I am the only singer and as such the band desperately want me to go with them. I see this trip from 2 perspectives - as a great opportunity for me as a person and a singer, but also as a great wrench leaving my 10 month old for a week. He would be with my husband with other close family nearby and i have been assured he won't notice i'm gone, but so far i have only ever left him overnight once, so i don't know what kind of an impact (if any) this may have on his emotional wellbeing? I will miss him very much, but will have more peace about it if i know he'll be ok. Any comments welcome!

OP posts:

allegrageller · 27/05/2011 22:42

I would go. You'll miss him terribly, he'll probably have a good scream at you when you get back for having been away, but in an hour he'll be over it.

Attachment parent types will no doubt accuse me of total insensitivity to the ready-to-crumble psyche of the infant- but frankly I think all that is bollocks!! I was a 'detachment parent' for years and my boys are lovely now and people comment on how warm hearted and sensitive they are etc. In fact, the younger one who got left for work reasons with his dad more often, is far more easy going than the eldest who got undiluted mum!

Whatever you do don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Mothers get enough guilt. you don't need it, neither does he.

MountainDew · 27/05/2011 22:47

Can your husband and baby come with you? Will you be able to express enough milk for a whole week away?
I am a teensy bit suprised anyone has assured you he won't notice you are gone. I would have thought he most certainly would!
Whilst I think you and your passions and development and interests are very important, I think leaving your baby of that age for a whole week in order to pursue them isn't a great idea. Are there other opportunities? Maybe next year?
Sorry, that probably doesn't help you much!

BitOfFun · 27/05/2011 22:51

Why would milk expressing necessarily be involved? I didn't see that mentioned.

I'd go, personally.

MountainDew · 27/05/2011 22:58

Well it wouldn't necessarily. It was my first thought though. I just assumed really. He is only 10 months old, so probably breastfed.

Mamathulu · 27/05/2011 23:03

Oh go. It's not the end of the world for him to be off the boob by 10months, your hubby would appreciate you a lot more when you get back & it;s a great opportunity. You asked! :o

FunnysInTheGarden · 27/05/2011 23:03

only 10 months old and prob BF? Is that because the OP was in ED? Most 10 month olds are not BF

FunnysInTheGarden · 27/05/2011 23:05

BTW OP if you want to, you go. Your baby will not notice that you have gone, so feel no guilt. You will miss him, but if you can bear it, go and enjoy yourself

sunshineandshowers13 · 27/05/2011 23:13

you will feel worse than your baby, i'm sure.

Mine are now a bit older and i'm not sure i could have left them as babies. But i think that that was because i wouldnt have wanted anyone to think badly of me as opposed to anything else. Now i wouldnt care what other people thought as long as my family and me were happy with decision (amazing what turning 35 can do for you!)

Suppose what i'm trying to say is - yes i would go and have an amazing time. You will miss your dh and baby and they will miss you. But its only a week.

Bon voyage

TheSecondComing · 27/05/2011 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MountainDew · 27/05/2011 23:19

shrug Maybe I'm wrong, I think most are though. Irrelevant anyway. I made an assumption. It was not necessarily accurate. Let's move on...

I still think there are ways around the dilemma which don't involve leaving the baby for a full week.

BitOfFun · 27/05/2011 23:37

It's late. Drink has been consumed. Irrelevant tangents are de rigueur.

25% of babies in the UK are breastfed to some degree at six months of age (NCT research). That number obviously declines towards ten months.

Original poster

Mills307 · 28/05/2011 08:10

Thank you all for your thoughts it has really helped me.
And no my baby isn't breastfed so that isn't an issue.
:)

OP posts:

honeymom · 21/07/2011 14:15

I had to go into hospital to have treatment and couldn't see my ds for a week when he was 10 months. It defiantly affected him. In that on my return he wouldn't come to me and was much closer to his dad. It took about a month to regain the favourite parent position.

Moulesfrites · 21/07/2011 14:28

Mountain dew I am astonished you assume he is probably breastfed at 10mo! Only 3% of babies in the uk are still ebf at 5 months!

op, I cannot really help as my ds is only 6 mo and I couldn't leave him as I am bf, but I think 10 mo might be a completely different proposition? I hope the advice here helps you reach a decision

smearedinfood · 22/11/2011 22:27

I'm an attachment parent type and DP has taken DS off to his parents for a week at around this age, I wasn't keen but had just started back at work full time and DH's gran had died and he was off work and wanted to support MIL who is an only child.
I manually expressed at night and in the morning. I got 8 hours sleep which totally recharged my batteries and I got a sense of being me again and went out everynight.
DS was fine. (however maybe not so much DP, "yes darling he's never slept through, I know that".

You'll miss 'em but you all will be fine.

PoodleShyt · 14/01/2012 20:43

I'd go, I left DS3 with his paternal grandmother who was 8 months old at the time for one week whilst DP and I went on holiday, I did worry at first but knew he was in good hands, we needed the break as I was grieving the loss of my mum and really enjoyed myself. DS1 and 2 stayed with their real father, but they are much older. I'm sure it will give your other half some nice bonding time with just the two of them.

And remember just because you are a mum you are also your own person with your own hobbies and interests, you are very lucky to have a hubby supporting you on this!

I don't see why breastfeeding was even mentioned in here. OP didn't even mention it.

cutteduppear · 22/01/2012 22:04

I think it will be hard for you but your baby will cope; in fact more than cope, he will be fine. It's natural to feel the way you do and you're a good mum for feeling this way!
Obviously he will be a bit upset and wonder when you're coming back for a while but also it will be a great chance for your DP to bond with baby as sole carer for a bit! It might do your DP a great favour, I don't know how it is for you but IME dads get a bit sidelined in the early days and are more than ready to prove their qualifications. DP will probably also realise what a hard worker you are.

Ask for lots of text photos to be sent to you while away, and maybe make a recording of your voice telling a story/stories for bed time (if that would help).

When my DD was 2 we took her to Morocco for 10 days and stayed with a local family (extended family). She had a wonderful time, played with all the other kids, learned a few words of the language...and now doesn't remember a thing about it!

StetsonsAreCool · 22/01/2012 22:08

Hate to be the one to bring it up, but I think the OP has probably been and come back by now.

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