Dad Passing Away

[pricey1]

My Dad passed away last week after an illness. I was there holding his hand and sat with him after until the undertakers collected him. Towards the last week of his life he was rapidly deteriorating. All I keep thinking of is him laying there so frail and unrecognisable and agitated and asking to be poisoned, will the image of how he used to look ever come back to me? I keep listening to his voicemails and all I want is to look at my phone screen and see ‘Dad Calling’ My heart feels like it’s breaking and every morning I’ve been waking up hoping it’s a bad dream.

Sending you love, the shock is hitting you, hopefully you have others around you

Really sorry OP. It's so hard losing someone you love. Your dad showed that he was ready to go (asking for poison) and now he's in some unimaginable way at peace, his last memory being of you sitting beside him holding his hand. That may be no comfort now, but perhaps it will in time.

So sorry Op, that’s such a shock for you .

First of all, you were there for him and that’s such a lot. Even in his dark moments he will have known you were with him and loved you all the more.

I was there with my dad, and yes , the happy memories do come back to you and replace those final images .
sending you a gentle hug . So sorry for your loss

Sending you lots of love at such a hard time. In his final hours my lovely dad was unrecognisable from the man I had known and loved and for a while I couldn't picture him at all. I have so many happy memories of him and when I think back to the awful weeks at the end I no longer see the old man lying in a bed but I make myself remember his humour and the things that made him laugh.

As for the phone - my dad died 14 years ago I have not removed his name from my contact list.

This is such a hard time. Be gentle with yourself.

I’m so sorry op, I went through similar earlier this year and the circumstances were quite similar. Seeing our dearest loved ones in such an awful way is very hard to deal with. Just know that he was with his dearest loved ones too, right there till the end, and you’ll have done the best for him despite how much it hurts. Sending hugs ❤️

For me, although the memory of those last few weeks I’ll never forget, now when I look back I increasingly think of all the good times we all had together, and despite all his flaws, what a great man he was. Hoping it will be like this for you over time.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my dad at the end of April, he had a heart attack in the shower and it was totally unexpected (although he was 83). I wish I'd had the chance to hold his hand and tell him I loved him. You are in shock now. Your memories will all come back, at different times and in different places. The most important thing to do over the next few months is to take it easy, and be kind to yourself.

So sorry @pricey1 . Sending love and strength at this awful time for you. ❤️💪

I’m so sorry for your loss. Being there with him sounds so hard but I hope in time as the good memories come back will be a comfort. But right now you are in shock. May his memory be for a blessing. 💐

Thank you all for your kind words 🩷

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm literally sat by mums bedside waiting for her to pass away. What you said about not recognising your dad resonates so strongly. My poor mum was deteriorating slowly but 5 days ago it was like she jumped off a precipice and this is expected to be her last day. I look at her and can't believe it's my mum in the bed.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum died in the summer - I had been told she was failing and was on my way down to see her but unfortunately she died before I could get there. Take comfort in the fact that you were with him. I know what you mean about the recent memories of them being frail and in pain clouding the better memories, but I think we have to hope that over time we can remember the good times and forget the bad.

This was me last year. The images stick in your head for a little bit, but over time you will remember him as he was before when he was well and happy - I found it helpful to put up a few happy family photos of him somewhere I saw them every day and that helped my brain re-identify with the happy, strong and cheerful Dad I had for so many years. I have a long voicemail recording I have saved but I haven't been brave enough to listen to his voice yet.

I recently experienced this same thing - I can't get the image out of my head of how he was when the undertakers collected him several hours after he passed either. It's heartbreaking. I was also there holding my mum's hand when she died years ago. Then there's everything else to deal with. Sending hugs.