Ghosts - sign of decline or symptom of grief

[mirrorleggingssock]

My dad died 3 years ago and naturally my mum has had a very difficult time. Recently she seems to have become a bit obsessed with the idea that his ‘spirit’ is in the house. I should say that she has always believed in this sort of thing, but that being said I am a bit concerned that something more is going on, or she needs to seek professional help for her intense grief.

She has set up cameras all over the house and is convinced she is capturing my dad speaking to her whilst she is asleep. Honestly any sounds captured just sound like her groaning or snoring in her sleep and nothing more. She has claimed that she’s dreamt he’s made her breakfast and woke up and come downstairs to a freshly made pot of coffee and other similar things. She claims she can smell certain things in the house or she hears him shuffling about.

Whilst I feel the opposite about these sorts of things I could sort of see that she might find it comforting to think of him as being there. However as time goes on she is starting to sound a bit concerning. She will tell anyone who will listen and they too look bemused or at her like she is losing the plot.

Is this something to worry about?

I've been thinking about your posts. My grandmother, mother, and MIL all had dementia. And MIL was also devastated after FIL's death. None of them exhibited the signs you mention although of course there are various types of dementia with different symptoms.

I don't think making notes about planned activities is at all unusual, I have done that myself for years, I have a calendar and also keep a journal with notes most days about something that happened.

I would normally say that the 'seeing ghosts' could be a sign of certain types of dementia, but you say your mother has always been this way and has a strong belief in the paranormal, and is also prone to the dramatics. So she has just tagged your father's death onto those beliefs. In most people it would be extremely alarming, in your mother... I am not sure. She is holding down a job, socialising, and seems to be living a normal life from what you say. So I wouldn't assume it is dementia until you see other signs of it. I wouldn't 'confront' her about her behaviour because whatever the cause of it, that will be a road to nowhere.

If it is dementia, there is little that can be done so getting a diagnosis is not that useful - except of course for you, because then you know what you are dealing with. Obviously if a person is very distressed, or aggressive, then medical intervention is helpful. But it doesn't sound like that is the case for your mother.

Carbon monoxide monitor and quietly grass her up to the GP.

IME there's stuff that's normal like, "I was scrubbing the toilet and suddenly felt his spirit with me" or "sometimes I hear his voice" or "a robin was in the garden and I felt it was his spirit returned to comfort me".

Putting cameras in the house and ghosts making coffee are not normal. And crucially, could be symptoms of something treatable.

Though as many other posters have said, maybe they are just harbingers of the tragedy that is dementia. And if that's the case, I am so sorry.

Yours, someone who has to sit with a relative all night because the patterns in his dressing gown were telling him The Answers (but the ward had no beds free until the morning) - but also, someone who shat herself when the same relative brightly said they had taken Recently Deceased Person down the pub, only to discover, with much relief, that he had just picked up the ashes (phew!).