Keeping my mum safe

[Livpool]

My dad died in August 2024, and he did everything for my mum, which was lovely but obviously made it even harder when he died.

My mum is 79 in a few months and lives alone, and I am struggling to make sure she is safe. She stays in mine 1 night per week but otherwise on her own. I have brother, but he doesn’t talk to anyone unless he wants something; no backstory he is just very selfish.

She can’t really stay here more than she does, we don’t have the room and me and DH wfh (me full time and him 2/5 days). She was staying tonight and fell in the kitchen (don’t know how many times I have said slippers or bare feet as we have tiles). Fell flat on her face and has a black eye and cut on her chin.

Does anyone have any suggestions what I can do when she is home? Any recommendations for an alarm she wears? Thanks.

Edited to make more sense!

Google Falls Team and your County/area they give advice on falls prevention and other support.

I've also seen pendants advertised that are monitored and pick up if a fall has happened, but no direct experience of this.

Thank you - I just worry about her so much

Falls clinic and physio classes to regain confidence after falls. We have just got my MIL a waterproof wrist alarm that goes through to an answering service. Hopefully she will wear it.

When my mum lived alone she had a falls alarm that activated when she fell. My sister was the contact as she lived closer.

We also with her consent put pet cameras around the house so we could check in on her and if she did fall we could speak to her over the camera so she knew help was coming. It was a very stressful time but the cameras did help a little with peace of mind.

Age uk are very helpful you can lease alarms from them and they do all sorts of things to support - have a look on their website.

if you feel those she is a bad falls risk you’ll have to decide if being at home is the safest
option for her.

Great idea!

Thanks - to be fair she has only fallen in mine as my kitchen floors are slippy but we have bare feet or slippers, not socks. She is actually getting a bone transfusion in a couple of weeks after she fractured her pelvis in 2022 when a kid on a bike knocked her over.

She worked in nursing homes, and although she was lovely, saw (and reported) some awful behaviour from staff.

It so hard isn’t it?
hopefully she will make a good recovery. ❤️‍🩹

My mum in a similar position! I went around her whole home and did a sort-of risk assessment of everything.
Starting with outside - got her a ring doorbell with camera, and fitted security lights front and back. Added a handrail to the steps outside to help her in.
Inside, rearranged furniture to create clear straight pathways from room to room, so she doesn’t have to move around things. Added extra rail to stairs so there is one on both sides. Added locks to windows to create a feeling of security. Added extra phone handset upstairs in case she’s left her mobile downstairs and needs/wants to call in the night.
Agreed with her to have a daily check-in, this isn’t always a call, but can sometimes just be one message “all ok today”, something like that.

Thank you ❤️

Great ideas - thank you

So sorry, that is such a fright, glad she's okay other than the eye and the chin. It's a horrible thing, that moment of "what if I hadn't been there."

We went through something similar with my own family, my aunt had a fall and wasn't found for three days, it's usually not the fall itself, it's not knowing.

The pendant alarms other posters mentioned are great if she'll wear one and remembers to press it, but a lot of falls happen exactly when someone can't reach for anything. What helps day to day is having some way of knowing they are up and moving without ringing every few hours and making them feel checked up on, even something as basic as a shared calendar or a "text me good morning" habit takes the edge off between visits. Doesn't solve everything but it's one less thing to carry on your own.

Is she on a smartphone at all, or more of a landline person? That tends to be the fork in the road for what's actually workable for her.

What do you think the risks to her are?

Falls - as above, there are great resources. And you can buy some designer grab rails that don't make your home look like residential care. Also for falls - make sure she has her eyes and ears tested regularly and wears her glasses/hearing aids, has decent slippers and shoes (certainly at your house), and that the light bulbs shed actual light in her home. Also ensuring she walks enough to keep her feet/legs in good nick to help her balance.

If she gets a falls alarm then they will advise a key safe; I'd advise one anyway (we've had one for years). Make sure there is an actual key in it and that the number is somewhere safe (if you email your ambulance service they can log the key safe on their database).

Scams - make sure she can recognise scam emails and messages and knows how to block/report them. Talk to local trading standards about anti-scam landlines. Get 3rd party access to her bank accounts if she's happy with that so you can keep an eye on any weird transactions.

Random door knockers/breakins - lots of good advice above about ring doorbells and security lights

Medication - does she need help managing it? Lots of good systems around.

As PP said, technology is the great divide - Alexa, smartphones, wearables, the NHS app are all invaluable.

I'm going through something similar with my mum at the moment (and my MIL has done it but in a foreign country).
It seems to be a little old lady thing!

You need to get her referred to the Falls Clinic (probably part of Elderly Medicine), they seem to hold the keys to several other services.
They will assess why is she is falling and what can be done (eg, is it her blood pressure, is she momentarily loosing consciousness etc).

They can then refer her to physio and they can ask adult social care to assess her house for hazards and advise things like hand rails etc.

Getting my mum's eyes tested is the next challenge I'm going to embark on, she hates having her eyes tested and I've promised that I'll go with her.