Mum now around 60 hours into active dying

[thismuchistrue]

Just that. I never expected it to take this long. Just watching and waiting feels torturous at the moment.

Big hugs to you. I sat by my uncles bedside for nearly 80 hours last April while he was actively dying. His daughter my cousin managed to make it from San Francisco which we never ever thought would happen. Make sure you have plenty of food and tea/coffee etc. xx

I'm so sorry OP

I couldn't believe how long my mum took. I always assumed she wouldn't last 5 days without fluids but it took her 3 long weeks. It was horrific but fortunately she was morphined up to the eyeballs the whole time. Big hugs

My brother and I took turns sitting with my Mum in February, she went into hospital with a UTI and was diagnosed with cancer and stayed just under 4 weeks, moving around various wards before finally spending her final week in a side room. It was very difficult and the times I went home and wasn't there over the last week, I was anxious waiting for a call to tell me to go back. The hardest thing I've ever done and my heart goes out to you. Take breaks, make sure you look after yourself and keep talking, it helped me. 💐

Oh gosh. How can it be that long. The hospice nurse didn't expect her to make last night, and now we're in the middle of another night (southern hemisphere).

Another hug from me Op. It can take longer than expected and it’s an emotional roller coaster.
It’s a kind thing to do - to wait with her- if you have that chance. Look after yourself too. 💐

So sorry, it’s hard. I spent six days sitting with MIL. My DM drank a cup of tea and went out like a light. You never know.

We're doing end of life at home so have been in and out of the room she's in. It's definitely been an emotional rollercoaster over the past few weeks anyway, but now waiting for her body to finally shut down is the bit I wasn't prepared for.

My neighbour’s family spent 3 weeks at his bedside. So difficult.

So sorry, I hope you are ok. My husband died last August, he was in end of life care at home for three weeks. Take care

My aunt took six days to die with all fluids removed. It was dreadful. You have my sympathy OP. 💐💐💐

It was over a week for my mum, but she was as comfortable and peaceful as possible. I talked to her, read to her, put her favourite programmes on TV and played music she liked.

So sorry op, it is terrible. One of my parents had the death rattle for over a day, 5 days in total of active dying; it never leaves you, nothing prepares you. 💐

She was in the transitioning stage for a number of days before entering the active stage where she's fully unconscious and has had the cheyne stokes breathing etc. Surely that can't last more than a few days can it?

Thanks for your support. Just needed to get it off my chest.

When my parent reached that stage, I was told anywhere from afew hours to over a day. My parent's vitals were good, so the nurse said that she didn't think it was imminent, and would probably be a nother day. Death was 3 hours later. Vitals suddenly dropped, increase in meds and it was quick. I hope this will be the case for you op, x

From being transferred from hospice to home, it took 18 days. No food for about 9 days of that and no fluids for around 5-6 days. I feel for you, it’s an awful thing to have to witness and experience. It’s completely fine not to be sat with her constantly, it can be a very overwhelming place to be. Go sit outside when you can, I found fresh air and some sun on my face calmed me.

My mother took getting on for four days from her final collapse. It gave my brother time to teach us from the other side of the world, but once he’d said goodbye, I was hoping she would go more quickly as everything had been said and she had suffered enough.

It is exhausting. We were lucky to have enough of us gathered to have shifts of people sitting with her, which helped a lot. In the end, she slipped away with my daughter, then 26, sitting with her.

💐

Sorry you are going through this OP, I cared for my dad at home, he was in the active dying phase for 2 weeks - NHS homeware came a couple of times a day - it was a strange experience and I was glad for him and me when he finally slipped away.

Dad was in that phase, without fluids and it took 14 days, the doctor said it couldn't take longer than a few days without fluids, but it did - he was quite a big chap though so probably a lot of fluid within the body, you could see him actively wasting away.

On average a few days I think is typical after no further fluids enter.

So sorry you are going through this OP. 🩶

You probably know this process so not sure if this video from a hospice doctor (Dr Kathryn Mannix) will be helpful but people I’ve sent it to have said they found it comforting.

Sending strength and fortitude for the time ahead. 💐

Thanks all for taking the time to share your experiences. I feel a bit calmer now. Sorry you've all been in a similar place with your loved ones.

Sending you so much love OP. My dad took a long time too, probably a week with no fluids. He was at home with us. It was the most traumatising thing to witness but when I look back, I wouldn’t have had it any other way and knowing that we had done what he wished and given end of life care at home was one of the only comforts I had after his passing. I am thinking of you and we are here to talk if you need it. Hugs to everyone on this thread.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this @thismuchistrue . It’s absolutely shit and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy

Sending the gentlest of hugs x

Sending so much love.

I’ve been visiting a close relative in hospice this morning and had to explain to dh that really this could be hours or days as she is still taking sips of water and communicating with us. It’s hard for everyone, but harder when you don’t know that this could be a longer process.

This happened to a relative of mine and the nurse thought they were getting small amounts of liquid when the lips were kept moist.
I am sorry OP.