AIBU To think carers should get the person dressed in the morning

[notgivinga]

Just that really it’s my MIL so really not my place to say, but she sits all day in her pyjamas. I just think it would be so much better for her mentally to get dressed. Thoughts?

I go into people's homes, I will ask a maximum of 3 times. If you have a relationship with the person, it is easier to 'cajole' but often it's different people going in, continuity of care is a real problem. You cannot march into someone's house and demand they get dressed. If a person has mental capacity, they have a right to make a bad decision. Families may not like it, but it is the law. I suspect in care homes there is better continuity of staff, but also it is more of an expectation, which is wrong, and not something I'd be proud of.

I think this is a bit of a difficult one. Yes in an ideal world she would be up and dressed but generally I think carers are on a time squeeze, and can’t be late to their next job, so maybe don’t have the time to chivvy an unwilling lady when their priority is feeding her or giving her medication.

Unless you're paying a private carer, lovell my things like painting nails will never happen, and cutting nails is not allowed unless you're qualified. The ideals you dream of are not the reality, there are a lot of rules and policies to protect everybody which seem silly

Perhaps her care plan needs reviewing for time and duration of visit and requirements. Are they washing her, changing her pjs? Agree it is better to help her distinguish day and night.

They ar over 18. If they still have mental capacity you can't force them to dress or even DD power or wash. Carers can offer and your MiL can allow them to help her dress or refuse.

Of course YANBU. If she’s not bedridden she should be dressed.

Could you find out if she’s getting washed and changed into fresh clothes every morning?

Could your H have a word with his mother and tell her she is to let the carers wash and dress her?

There should be a care plan plus a book where the carers sign in and leave notes. If the cared for person is refusing, then that should be noted in the book.

My mum is not mobile and has to be transferred by hoist from bed to wheelchair then her adapted chair in living room, she also has advanced dementia. She has carers 3 times a day. She has a shower 4 times a week, a change of pj’s every morning, except twice a week where she attends a day care facility, then she is fully dressed.

My mum has no atonomy any more for her own decisions but this seems reasonable to me, why have her fully dressed and potentially uncomfortable in her own home? My mum always loved lounge days in her pj’s and always hated wearing a bra. She would probably now quite happily go off to her day care centre in her PJ’s, but we know, as her loved ones, that pre dementia she would shudder at the thought so on those days she’s hair washed and blow dried, bra on, nice clothes on and nails and lippy done.

So long is the person is clean and comfortable that’s all that should matter.

This 100%

sorry referring to another poster and now I cant find it ..

It depends on her care plan. If she's been assessed and it's decided that she is capable of getting dressed herself then they wouldn't necessarily be expected to do that.
For example when I was a carer some people had 1 hr help in the morning and care plan would include washing dressing cooking cleaning etc. Others would be 15 mins and would be just cooking, seeing how they are. Some 30 mins, washing and dressing or whatever individual needs they had.
Even then, some would refuse and they can't be made to. We would always have to document that though and explain that we attempted to dress but refused.
Have a look at her care plan and that'll tell you.