AIBU To think carers should get the person dressed in the morning

[notgivinga]

Just that really it’s my MIL so really not my place to say, but she sits all day in her pyjamas. I just think it would be so much better for her mentally to get dressed. Thoughts?

Perhaps she refuses. But yes, that's usually part of the role of paid carers.

Will she let them?? Are they asking/trying?
My Granny often just refused, she didn’t have the energy. She could get quite stroppy. So they made sure she was clean and warm and left her. They did try every day.

My mother wouldn’t allow her carers to dress her.

"No I'm fine, just leave it" Was DMs response to most carer offers. Apart from tea.

How often do the carers come? For my mum, it was three times a day and in the morning, they got her up, helped her with toileting, washed her, blow dried her hair if it was a hair washing day, cleaned her teeth, got her dressed and moved her from bedroom to living room. Alongside this, they chatted to her and checked well-being/state of mind/pain levels, etc. At bedtime, similar routine backwards iyswim.

She loved her carers 🥺

The carers will be following a contract, but as others have said, it’s up to your DM whether or not she’s happy for them to help her get dressed. If she says no, they obviously can’t force her. What does your DM say about it?

It’s not my DM it’s my DMIL the carers come full time for most of the week and the weekends are the children caring for her. When my husband cares for her he manages to get her dressed, so I’m not sure why no one else can ?

Does she want dressed? They can't physically force her to get dressed i am assuming she gets clean pyjamas at some point she is maybe comforble unless her family want to go and insist she puts clothes on there isn't much you can do.

Has he contacted the care company and asked what the issue is ?

Because they are lazy. It's that simple. If she was in a nursing home they would get her up and dressed because the manager would be on at them if they didn't. They can say she doesn't want to, but they should have skills to cajole her. Like you say, it would lift her mood to be dressed. What about when she has visitors, isn't she embarrassed to be still in her nightwear?

He's probably not limited to a 30 minute time slot and it matters to him if his mum gets dressed or not, and she knows and trusts him.

Would you agree to get dressed with a different stranger every weekday? Or would you just stay comfy in your jammies if it was an option?

In my experience they are in and out as quickly as they can

There should be a care plan; they have very little time so maybe they focus on getting her to the bathroom and give her breakfast and medication? I’d ask for a review and feedback on what happens during the visits.

But OP says they are full time during the week. So yes, they should be helping her dress in warm, comfortable clothes.

OP how is her hygiene? Is her hair clean? Her nails trimmed, and if she likes this, polished?

I’d talk to the carer and find out if she’s actually just refusing. When aI worked in a home some carers were much better than others at jollying residents along. It sounds disrespectful but asking the type of questions you might of a toddler to avoid a hard no. Not do you want to get dressed but it’s time to get dressed do you want the red top or the green?

Thank you . I visited yesterday on her birthday and she would have had visitors so I thought she should have been dressed. With regards to embarrassment I don’t think she has the mental capacity anymore to think she is still in her nightwear! I am going to see her again on Monday so I will say in front of the carer about her getting dressed. It’s awkward tho as it’s not my mum and my husband is away at the moment.

Is it in her care plan?
Talk to your MiL. And then ask her permission to talk to the agency. My MiL always refused to take her medication in the morning. The care workers couldn't do anything about it.

Are they paid carers or provided through the council? I’m only asking because council carers tend to be hard pressed for time, and might not be able to spend 45 minutes cajoling her in the morning. Do they do a good job in other respects?

Does she have a care plan? It's quite common with dementia patients to have difficulty in getting them to consent to being washed and dressed, carers have to ask them and they can refuse. So I would check with carers what is happening here. I have a friend who's mum had dementia and refused showers and hair washing by carers. My friend used to go every weekend and basically had to force her mum to wash hair and shower. It was very stressful and sad 😔

When my mums carers came it was end of life care we were always there as mum was at home they were down for 45 minutes in the morning and were out in 15 and 30 minutes other times of the day at out in 10 they were horrible didn’t wear apron’s on their phone wile changing her it was a nightmare .. I complained got new carers but still awful.. was a terrible experience

Thanks for all your comments but I can’t really get involved in it apart from asking her, which I will do next time I see her. The comments regarding then not having time they are there all day.

Yes but carers can’t make them get dressed and won’t force it. We argue with dsds carers on several aspects of “she refuses” and tell them to make her but apparently they can’t

Is she clean and getting medical care she needs? If so I wouldn’t push the getting dressed into day clothes side too much.

Most likely because she's his mum and he insists and she relents.

Carers will ask, hear no and won't push it.

I was a home carer for 15 years. You can prompt people, try to persuade them, but can't force them to do anything.
If somekne wishes to stay in pyjamas all day that is their choice