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Elderly parents

How do you manage expectations

52 replies

Barney16 · 31/12/2025 11:36

Expectations from elderly parents I mean. I live three hours away from them and I work full time. Over the last year my parents have become sicker and their expectations have massively ramped up. At the moment I visit twice a month for about two or three days. They have said they wished I lived nearer and perhaps I could give up work. To be clear they have lots of support from family who live close to them, they drive, do activities, go out most days. I am their only child. I'm finding the stress of this very difficult to manage. After I visit I'm always poorly, when I leave to go home my mum cries. I was there before Christmas and Christmas eve and am there again now, oh one of them said, such a brief visit. Any suggestions, particularly about lowering my stress levels?

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 03/01/2026 15:00

I visit twice a month for 2-3 days.
But my parents are in their 90s.

I don't do anything that should be outsourced. They have a cleaner (only for last 2 years) and Mum has a carer for an hour daily.
I do pills, appointments, admin.

Mum misses me when I'm not there, but I do what is sustainable. My DB does similar to me.

Startednotfinished · 03/01/2026 20:08

OP I am in a similar boat. You mentioned their health upthread - do they have conditions that would make them eligible for attendance allowance? One or either of them? Only when both mine realised they were eligible (never claimed anything in their lives) did they then feel they could "afford" to buy in care.

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