I am hugely frustrated and looking for advice and pearls of wisdom.
Long summary below but if you can't be bothered to read it all (I don't blame you) we want to convince MIL to move to sheltered accommodation or some kind of retirement community rather than a small house in our town.
MIL is 80 and has serious memory issues - repeats stories, cannot remember information just given to her, unable to cope well in new environments (hotels etc), losing her mobile phone etc constantly, unable to cope with quite simple admin like banking. This all makes her very panicky and depressed. She has had all the relevant medical tests and received no diagnosis other than normal memory decline for her age. Everyone who knows her does not think this is an adequate description of her condition.
She recently had some kind of episode where she stopped taking her medication (including anti anxiety meds) and possibly had a UTI and was unable to function. She seemed to stop eating and was asking everyone she knew in her village to help her with paperwork (paperwork DH had visited her to sort out and simplify). She became a shell of herself to be honest and we received many guilt inducing messages about how she needed help.
I feel very sorry for her and wish we could help more. We have 2 young children though and she doesn't drive and lives 2 hours away. We do see her twice a month but it is a lot of work. Her cottage is too small to sleep us all (and she finds it stressful having guests) so more often than not my DH does a 4 hour round trip to collect her and another 4 hour trip to get her home.
DH has financial and medical POA and attends most medical appts with her.
Following the 'episode' she was obviously scared and agreed to move to our town. We all agreed on a flat in an Audley place (I know they are a money pit, she can afford it, can't cope with thread being derailed). She can afford to buy outright so no chain, minimal stress and we will sell her place for her when she has moved.
But now she is more confident and feeling better she is backtracking and saying she wants to buy a house. We just really think it is a bad idea! The viewings themselves will be a total headache (8 hours of driving each time) and I just don't think she will cope with a new home at all. Plus she has no friends here - it feels more likely that she will feel less lonely in the Audley place, even if she doesn't make friends (she seems reluctant) because at least she will see people day to day. Crucially the Audley place may well see her through.
A few years ago when she was in a better place she decided to move near us and made an offer on somewhere but the stress of the process caused her to have a mini breakdown and she backed out (this was what initiated the anti anxiety medication I believe!)
Any wisdom on convincing her to be sensible?
I have read this through and it sounds a bit cold. We just want what's best for her. If she is near us we will be able to include her in our lives and keep her busy. She loves our dog and her grandchildren so much, there is not much for her in her village other than a couple of also elderly friends. Sorry for typos - kids waking.