Care home clothes recommendations

[GardenGaff]

On the back of the thread about clothes tags for labelling… Can anyone recommend some cheap but nice, long sleeved tops for a care home resident - female - my mum.

I think they need to be quite thick, as for some reason they don’t put a bra on her - not that she needs one, she’s so slight now and she’s virtually flat chested.

She’s been in a care home since November. Dad has sent in only about 6 or 8 tops. I’m sick of seeing her in the same stuff. It’s all been boil washed to oblivion and she looks like a bag of rags.

She has a wardrobe full of clothes at home and I’m sure plenty there that would be suitable but dealing with my dad can be like pulling teeth. It’s easier for me to go out and buy her some new bits. I have to pick my battles, don’t even get me started on trying to get him to book her in for some basic care like a haircut, or have her toenails trimmed regularly. I had to stop myself from crying when I saw her this weekend.

Any clothes recommendations gratefully received!

Zip up fleece track suits from primary. Like you sat they boil things to death. Also thermal underwear. My mum was always cold. Don’t get stuff that goes over the head. Get her a couple of bulky cardigans as well.

I would go to Primark, the basics are decent and won’t be too much of an issue if things go walkabout. No point buying anything expensive as it might not been seen again unfortunately.

Hair and nails I would speak to the home about though, it’s their job to keep on top of it as it’s what they are being paid through the nose for.

Something that can be tumble dried

I used to volunteer at a care home and it was sad to see how even quite smart ladies deteriorated after just a few months there, clothes and hair wise. You sound like a lovely daughter OP.

A range of long sleeved t-shirts and cardigans along with pull on trousers in coordinating colours. I get stuff mostly from Tesco and Sainsbury's for my DM. Also some soft, sports bras/ bralettes as she doesn't tolerate a structured bra nowadays.
By the way, we have to pay for a visiting podiatrist and a hairdresser for her.

Thank you.

I've spoken to the staff about hair and nails. The home has visiting hairdressers and podiatrists but my dad needs to agree she can have an appointment, and put money in mums ‘resident account’ to pay them, before they’ll actually book an appointment for her.

I had a word with the staff a number of weeks ago after asking dad repeatedly to book the podiatrist and he just wouldn’t. He had every excuse under the sun as to why he hadn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t. Her toenails were beyond disgusting, they were literally curled under her toes and digging back into the pads of her toes. That was neglect pure and simple, they hadn’t been touched going way back before she went into the care home. I raised concerns that the staff weren’t highlighting this with my dad and insisting he must book an appointment. Bizzarely, toenail cutting is classed as “wellbeing” issue rather than a health/necessity.

For whatever reason my dad just won’t book these things it until he’s virtually forced into it. Same with the clothes. I’ve given up asking him to bring some more clothes in.

Tesco is a good shout, there’s a huge one in the next town to me. Thank you.

Yes mums place is the same, she has to pay for podiatry and hairdressing. If it were up to me she’d be booked in with the hairdresser weekly for a blow dry, and the podiatrist every 3-4 weeks.

As it is she hasn’t had her hair cut since about September and I’ve described the toenail saga above. So she’s had 1 podiatry appointment in nearly 5 months.

I could cry for the absolute state she looked this weekend just gone.

I work in the laundry of a care home. Unfortunately care staff put all items in a sluice bag regardless whether they have bodily fluids on them. We can't open these dissolvable bags due to cross contamination and everything is then put on a 73 degree wash. We complain about it as it takes much longer than a normal clothes wash! If your mum has help dressing best to get something with buttons or zips. Much easier to put on and less painful for arthritic arms etc. Patterned tops less likely to show stains too. Always label. We have SO many lost property items and it's almost impossible to find the owners! Don't be frightened to complain if you feel too many clothes are being ruined. I'd avoid cotton and wool as they shrink very easily and and non iron items will get back to her much quicker. Bon mache do elasticated trousers with different lengths. Which are useful and was reasonably well. My DM was in a home for 4 years so I understand both sides.

Oh bless you. How sad.
Good advice about clothes here.
Can you take nail clippers/nail files in with you to do her feet? Would she let you? Will she sit still for you. It's not that hard, if you have a stool to sit on and those large clippers.

Very early into her stay there it struck me that some of the male residents looked really quite smart, shaved, haircut, shirt and jumper, polished shoes.

But a larger proportion of the women looked dishevelled.

I’ve noticed a lot of the wives or daughters (I presume) when leaving after visiting, take bags of washing home with them. It’s always the female visitors bringing a small cake and a flask of tea or a packet of nice biscuits in for their relative.

I wish had the capacity to pop in every day, there’s so many little things that could be done by a regular/daily visitor to make it a little bit nicer.

See if you can get your Dad to put a few hundred pounds into your Mum's account.

I thought that residents were allowed to keep something like £30 per week from their pensions. Even if the rest was going to the care home.

This money, which is HERS, is for any personal requirements such as haircuts, toe nail trimming, chocolate and clothes. Not much but it should get spent, even if you buy clothes.

Try to emphasise that this is not his money but hers.

That's awful. My DM has a weekly wash and blow dry and a monthly visit from the podiatrist. Can you arrange your own to visit?

That’s a good idea, I think I might try and get him to put a chunk of money in her resident account. I’m pretty sure he’ll have put the exact amount, to the penny, in the account for the podiatrist appointment.

Mum is self funding, there is no shortage of money. She could have a weekly blow dry, a whole wardrobe of new clothes, daily newspapers, weekly fresh flower delivery, fortnightly podiatrist appointments, and financially it wouldn’t be an issue.

She has Alzheimer’s and if I had control of her money and was allowed to arrange these things, that’s exactly what would be happening.

OP so sorry to hear what you're going through, I'm in similar position with DM in care and trying to provide appropriate clothes and footwear. Labelling is a big job but seems to help

From the way you describe them, I'd be going nowhere near your DM's nails, if they're so overgrown shouldn't they be dealt with by a podiatrist? Can you offer to pay for that service? Why does your DF have to give permission for haircuts and nail cutting? Makes no sense

Advice being given here re what's appropriate clothing is very good and I hope you can find what you need

Does your mum have an occupational pension. Half of that goes to to her so you could ask your dad to pay it to you so you can spend it on her.

Now that her toenails have been sorted professionally, then yes I could do a regular upkeep of them.

Just a bit bemused that it seems I may have to when she has hundreds of thousands in the bank, but my dad won’t transfer £16.50 a fortnight or a month for a podiatrist.

Likewise, £22 for a wash, cut and blow dry.

He’s hard work to have to negotiate with.

I used to buy the Eastex brand for mum - she lost a lot of weight and height through osteoporosis. Their clothes seemed to survive quite well. I'd watch out for their sales in Debenham's but I think they're possibly only online now.

This might be of use...but I've not tried them personally.

https://www.theablelabel.com/

I'm sorry @GardenGaff I didn't see your post re your dad not wanting to pay for the services. He needs a good talking to, perhaps by the care home manager? It's bordering on neglect.

I used to buy my mum's pyjamas and some tops from Primark. I always had to turn up the pyjama legs. I actually embroidered her initials on the exterior of the pyjama legs, to stop them going astray. (I also had Cash tapes on everything.)

I get things for my mum from either Damart or Edinburgh Woollen Mill on line. They have a nice range and a good returns policy so I can check things fit. I also order 3 or 4 tops and help her pick out a couple. This gives her a sense of making her own choices but she is getting less interested as time goes on.

Charity shops are often good hunting grounds for resilient older lady clothes. Partly because that’s often the source of them.

You also get a good look at whether they survive a wash. And get better quality products but primark prices.

It would be worth asking about over her head vs button up. The staff will probably tell you what works better for her. For some more mobile but short attention span overhead with v neck is better than buttons. For less mobile and longer attention span buttons work better.

Would your dad pay you a regular amount for then taking over the ‘lady stuff’ of hair and nails etc? Even for you to then pay it into her account at the home. If he’s amenable at least in principle to still giving mum treats then that angle might help. Even if suggest trying it once and seeing whether she gets on ok with it.

I winder, does your father still have capacity to choose this? It sounds like not if he doesn’t see any issue.

I wonder if you could arrange a meeting with the head of the care home, yourself and your Dad.

The manager might be accused of negligence by an inspector if your Mum is not allowed to have these basic services. She could be point that out.

The fact that your Mum has a very healthy amount of money, it's almost wicked.

Perhaps the threat of such a meeting, and in it the possible shaming of your Dad, would persuade him to put a chunk of money in your Mum's account.

He's behaving extremely poorly.

You sound lovely OP! I’ve just given my DH a Scarborough warning & told him I want a weekly wash & blow dry & my toe nails sorting if I am ever in a home!
hopefully a long time away but I’m getting my wishes in early!
Does your dad go & see her regularly?

And financial abuse