House smells like wee

[NotMyDayJob]

My mum is a very competent and capable 71 year old however has recently had a health crisis which has brought to a head that she had not been looking after herself properly.

this is not because she is older, throughout her life she has always struggled to keep on top of housework and keeping things clean. We never had a clean house growing up, and I don’t just mean a bit untidy, I mean actually grimy. I put my head in the sand a bit that this was happening again, I have two young children and I work full time and it was easy to ignore that she was discouraging me from coming over.

anyway, I need to deal with a couple of immediate things. The house has developed a strong smell of urine, I think because she has developed some incontinence. I have removed a chair that I think was part of the problem and I’m going to get a carpet cleaner. Is there anything else I can do? Once I have got things a bit more sorted my cleaner will go over to do a deep clean and then regular cleaning (she had a cleaner but didn’t tell me she had cancelled them)

secondly what help can an older person ask for help with urinary incontinence? I don’t know who to signpost her to at the drs.

just to add as well the medical issue is that she has had a very bad stomach bug for a week and drs suspect it is food borne. We are waiting for tests but I am sure you can appreciate a week of diarrhoea has not helped issues. They have also run a urine sample to check there are no problems there but I think the incontinence issue is a bit more long standing

thanks for your help.

The dr or practice nurse can refer her to the continence team, it’s a specialist team who will assess for any products she may need.
In the meantime you need to have a gentle discussion and ask if she would like you to pick up some Tena lady, or Always do actual disposable incontinence knickers which might be more comfortable than a pad.

Thank you, she has actually been trying to take care of this herself with reusable pads (I’ve been doing her washing this week). She’s just never been the most… fastidious. So I can see her using these outside the house but not when she is home, if you see what I mean.

would the disposable ones be better than reusable ones, other than the washing? As if so I will explain she needs to change over to them.

we’ve already had to have a gentle conversation because I had to be honest about why her chair was in the back garden.

On the cleaning front, this stuff is incredible for removing urine smells. I've used it on a sofa where one of my DC had had an accident, and around the loo when repeated cleaning hadn't got rid of that toilety smell. Normal cleaning profucts either don't work, or can make it worse. https://www.petsathome.com/product/simple-solution-dog-and-cat-urine-destroyer-stain-and-odour-remover-spray-400ml/7145889P?productId=7145889&purchaseType=easy-repeat&volume=400ml

Clean her mattress and bedding too. I’d also consider a waterproof mattress protector if you can get away with it.

She’s quite young to be unaware or not bothered by this. Is she depressed?

@moggerhangerthank you, I’ll see if I can get some to spray on the carpet before using the carpet cleaner. The chair is beyond repair I think unfortunately

I think the GP is the first port of call for signposting to a continence clinic. However, if the problem relates to a physical issue such as a prolapse or weakened neck of the bladder she probably needs a genitourinary referral. You may have to pay. I'd also recommend sourcing private pelvic floor physio if you can.

I had issues after childbirth, thirty years ago, and sadly the NHS couldn't give a flying fig.

It’s not that she’s unaware or not bothered. She’s just not very good at facing up to things that need dealing with. If she can’t cope with something she ignores it. She’s been like this all her life over a range of issues.

I mean depression might possibly be at play but I also know the situation will resolve itself if it gets dealt with. She’s won’t be any better at dealing with things if she took anti depressants

Thank you, we can pay for any consultations etc but I think she may be reluctant for any major interventions

Just to add if anyone has any suggestions for dealing with smell. In the short term I really need to get her house sorted. I know the personal issues are important, but I’m finding dealing with this distressing due to my upbringing and I just need to get her house clean again

Your best bet then is a good pelvic physio. And get her using Tena Lady. My bladder repair is wearing out now and they are brilliant. Having it redone when I retire next year.

Dr Beckman cleaner (they sell it in Waitrose) is great when the cats have a mishap. I guess the smell is about having someone in to clean regularly. Might she be eligible for attendance allowance?

Do try disposable underwear instead of normal in the meantime. Can recommend Tesco Freespirit packs.

Would also recommend that you place a couple of larger kitchen size bins for disposal of these only conveniently placed for your mum in bedroom, bathroom etc. It would help you/cleaner to empty frequently.

Age UK also sell different brands of disposable underwear and lots of "rescue" related products.

Standard I would say! You are certainly not alone in dealing with this. Neutradol, urine/continence clinic and pads. Are there any underlying conditions? Could she have dementia for example?

I think unlikely, she doesn’t have an illness or disability as such, she’s just not very good at dealing with things that need dealing with, and thankfully, finances aren’t an issue.

and to be honest even if she was eligible, non one else sorts out what you spend it on. Money is not the issue, what to do is the problem

It's possibly her clothes if she's not changing daily. She can't smell it, so you will need to be blunt and tell her like it is. GP is the starting point, or nurse practitioner who will be clued up.

No, she’s absolutely fine cognitively, as I have mentioned (quite a few times) she’s just not great at dealing with things. If I were to hazard a guess there’s probably an undiagnosed neurodiversity, because her lifelong avoidance of certain things and level of sensitivity are off the scale, but at 71 I can’t be dealing with that I can only support what is in front of me

Actually the one thing she is good at doing is her washing, so I don’t think it is her clothes, which would actually be easier to deal with.

we have had a difficult conversation but I don’t know how much she’s taken in because she’s been so ill

Agree it might be her clothes too. We had this recently with a DA and it turned out the the carers were helpfully doing her washing but only putting the wee ridden bedding and clothes on a 15 minute cycle and then having the stuff on the airer. The whole house honked.

If she had capacity then she had the right to live in a smelly house, I’m afraid. You sound upset about the house but I don’t see anything in your posts that makes me think your mum is distressed by it? Does she mind or care?

how is her mobility
a problem with some elderly is they cannot make it in time to the loo.

She’s 71, competent and capable. Not elderly by any stretch.

Well yes she does, but she also wants to see and spend time with her DGC and they’re not going to her house when it’s like that.

she’s not sat there saying I live in a smelly house and I don’t care. She needs help and I’m trying to help her, she can both have capacity and not be able to help herself.

im not really sure how this helps, but thanks for stopping by

fresh daffodils? they mask the smell

ok some people have mobility problems