House smells like wee

[NotMyDayJob]

My mum is a very competent and capable 71 year old however has recently had a health crisis which has brought to a head that she had not been looking after herself properly.

this is not because she is older, throughout her life she has always struggled to keep on top of housework and keeping things clean. We never had a clean house growing up, and I don’t just mean a bit untidy, I mean actually grimy. I put my head in the sand a bit that this was happening again, I have two young children and I work full time and it was easy to ignore that she was discouraging me from coming over.

anyway, I need to deal with a couple of immediate things. The house has developed a strong smell of urine, I think because she has developed some incontinence. I have removed a chair that I think was part of the problem and I’m going to get a carpet cleaner. Is there anything else I can do? Once I have got things a bit more sorted my cleaner will go over to do a deep clean and then regular cleaning (she had a cleaner but didn’t tell me she had cancelled them)

secondly what help can an older person ask for help with urinary incontinence? I don’t know who to signpost her to at the drs.

just to add as well the medical issue is that she has had a very bad stomach bug for a week and drs suspect it is food borne. We are waiting for tests but I am sure you can appreciate a week of diarrhoea has not helped issues. They have also run a urine sample to check there are no problems there but I think the incontinence issue is a bit more long standing

thanks for your help.

It may not be a major intervention - she may need to see a gynaecologist. Two of my elderly relatives developed this in their 80s and in both cases it was a hormonal deficiency solved by inserting a small ring (diaphragm style) which releases a low dose of hormones. From memory once the consultant and diagnosed and prescribed, replacement rings could be provided and fitted by their GP practice once or twice per year.

They were both told that this hormonal deficiency is a common cause of incontinence issues in older women but it tends to be under diagnosed and under treated. Pelvic floor exercises and strengthening are advisable at any age but if its hormones the ring treatment is very low intervention.

With carpeting, check whether it is into the underlay. If it is, no amount of cleaning will sort it out. It is is just the carpet, get the pet urine enzyme stuff recommended at the top of the thread. Use that first, then have everything steam cleaned professionally. They will also be able to clean mattresses, chairs etc.

Wash bedding and clothing at 40° minimum on the longest available cycle and dry outside in the sun if possible. Detol do a laundry sanitiser if you want a bit extra.

A waterproof mattress protector is a necessity, but they can be a bit sweaty, so it can be trial and error. You can also get disposable mattress pads which would be useful for your current situation as it can save the non stop washing. Make sure you have at least three sets of everything.

Neutradol gel air fresheners are good. You can tuck them away out of reach and they are not overpowering.

There should be a mobility shop in your area, they can be an invaluable source of help, advice and equipment.

It may be worth thinking about a commode in the short term. If you do, you can get liners and put a thin layer of clay clumping cat litter in the bottom. It will soak up the urine and stop splash back.

You seem pragmatic, it's the best way to handle these situations in my experience.

it looks to me that you are setting expectations on your mother. It’s up to her how she lives, of course it’s not nice to live in a smelly house but it doesn’t sound like she has initiated any of these interventions and changes.

You can nudge and encourage but it might be wise to lower your expectations.

im sorry that this is not what you want to hear - but it’s rare to manage to change people.

Washing everything you can on a longish hot cycle and giving EVERYTHING a good clean/wipe over. My mother had the same issue including the denial and when her frailty got to the point I had to take over washing, dressing and housework the honk improved dramatically. But it's everywhere including in shoes.
nobodys mentioned vaginal atrophy so far I think, that can be the cause of the problem and why vaginal HRT can be such a useful thing to take.

Good point OP about possible undiagnosed Neurodiversity. I thought of difficulty with Executive Functioning skills from the current and previous difficulties outlined.
I’m not suggesting a diagnosis of anything but just might explain some things. Cognitively she knows what to do and how to do it re cleaning, personal and food hygiene etc but can’t actually manage to put the two together.
Difficulty with Interoception might explain not knowing she needs to urinate. Just a thought.
Doesn’t really help your situation but might help to understand it. Sounds like you are doing everything you can in difficult circumstances.

Thank you to everyone who has offered practical advice (and support which is appreciated) I have been to see mum this morning and the smell is a lot less (not perfect but a lot less) so I think the chair was the main culprit. It’s gone in the garage and it’s not coming back. When she gets a new chair I have lots of puppy pad type things from my potty training toddler she can have to start her off.

for those asking about downsizing and carers etc, she has a small two bed house, and moving to a retirement type facility would mean moving further away from amenities and me (I am her only family bar my brother who lives 6 hours away, literally, there is no one else) so in the immediate term it’s better she is near me.

I also don’t think she needs a carer, she is perfectly capable of looking after herself but she’s been in a strong state of denial about the incontinence.

she has agreed to talk to the dr, pending the outcome of tests for her immediate illness

shes also agreed to a new mattress and to switch over to disposable products for personal hygiene.

she is happy to get a deep clean, including carpets and have a cleaner weekly.

I’ve also been really clear about my boundaries so she can have this help now, but if she cancels the cleaners or doesn’t talk to the dr, or whatever, she’s on her own.

I do appreciate the people saying I can’t change her; you may be right but I can’t not try and help her now and then if she chooses not to carry through on it, that’s on her

oh and I did buy her some daffodils because they were reduced and I thought they would make her happy because, regardless of everything else she has been very ill

Thank you, that’s why I’m giving her a bit more grace than just, you know what you need to do to not to live in a smelly house, as some posters are suggesting.

for whatever reason, my very capable mum, who was a leadership level teacher at retirement, doing very nicely on her final salary pension, just has not been able to cope with some things over her life. I can help her try and deal with those things, or I can leave her to it. We’re not yet at the point where I need to leave her to it.

I would also buy bins for her with scented liners, get in touch with the council to see if she qualifies for an extra bin, clinical waste bags and a collection for continence products, when she sees the continence nurse they can arrange prescription pads and a continence products service

Gp can prescrbe estriol cream or rings for this.

Genito urinary symptoms of menopause

Is that a change since covid? I know they both had to go through the referral to a gynae for diagnosis but this was pre covid in both cases. If it can all be done at the GP that sounds a lot easier.

I’ve just read your updates and I hope your DM is better soon.

One thing I’ve just thought of is that constipation can cause some women to leak urine. I know that she’s had diarrhoea recently but that doesn’t necessarily rule out constipation. Just one more thing to possibly rule out

Thank you for the suggestion.

ill let her explore that when she talks to the GP, as I’ve been really clear she needs to proactively look after herself even if I am helping

test results probably back tomorrow now but she does seem to be on the mend

Perhaps get the cleaner in twice a week - at least to start with?

I’d buy one of those purple flashlights on eBay or Amazon that show up urine and other bodily fluids. Under a fiver. Use it when it’s dark and you’ll see where puppies or humans etc have been having accidents so you can target those areas for a deep clean.

Did her test results come back?

I’ve had to start keeping a eye on the fridge contents as my mum has started going by use by date even if things have been open a week like the half pudding that she’d left in there which must have been well loaded with bacteria ( “ why are you throwing that half pudding out as it's dates not up yet”) ( yeah mum it says use within 24 hours of opening, not 8 days lol) and the over a week old half loaf she was still eating and wondering why she had sickness and diarrhoea….

Thebrains not what it used to be….

If she’s got a comfortable budget, then if the GP doesn’t come up with much - then can strongly recommend finding a local women’s health specialist physio. Vet them a bit, some are focussed on getting people back to running marathons post natal, but plenty do older women too.

They can be very good at working out the wider lifestyle picture (so pads, plus exercises, plus avoiding constipation and generally managing the situation).

As are continence nurses, but they’re harder to arrange privately.