House smells like wee

[NotMyDayJob]

My mum is a very competent and capable 71 year old however has recently had a health crisis which has brought to a head that she had not been looking after herself properly.

this is not because she is older, throughout her life she has always struggled to keep on top of housework and keeping things clean. We never had a clean house growing up, and I don’t just mean a bit untidy, I mean actually grimy. I put my head in the sand a bit that this was happening again, I have two young children and I work full time and it was easy to ignore that she was discouraging me from coming over.

anyway, I need to deal with a couple of immediate things. The house has developed a strong smell of urine, I think because she has developed some incontinence. I have removed a chair that I think was part of the problem and I’m going to get a carpet cleaner. Is there anything else I can do? Once I have got things a bit more sorted my cleaner will go over to do a deep clean and then regular cleaning (she had a cleaner but didn’t tell me she had cancelled them)

secondly what help can an older person ask for help with urinary incontinence? I don’t know who to signpost her to at the drs.

just to add as well the medical issue is that she has had a very bad stomach bug for a week and drs suspect it is food borne. We are waiting for tests but I am sure you can appreciate a week of diarrhoea has not helped issues. They have also run a urine sample to check there are no problems there but I think the incontinence issue is a bit more long standing

thanks for your help.

Her mobility is fine, the only problem is she doesn’t have a downstairs toilet, but that’s more future proofing than an issue now

I do agree with this. As distressing as it is for you if she has capacity you can tell her the house stinks and suggest she sees the GP and ask to be referred to the incontinence team, you could even email her GP with your concerns but you can’t change her choices or how she reacts to situations.

Its good of you to help to clean up but it does seem like a never ending task if she’s genuinely not bothered.

Did you say that you’d had therapy in the past?

Agree with people up thread- urine needs an enzyme cleaner to break it down. Often ones marketed for animal urine are easier to get. Depending on area, it’s via the GP, or some areas you can self refer to the continence team, healthy bowel and bladder etc. for them to assess what could help. There are some great mattress protectors, which don’t rustle on the bed. Some people put protectors (like an kylie) onto the seat cushion of chairs- you can cover this with a small throw to protect the actual chair? And to be discreet not to show visitors there are protectors down.
If you have lots of continence waste most areas have a separate bag collection through the council- pads take up lots of bin space. If you are buying pads- check the prices on Amazon etc as they are far cheaper than specialist shops. When tracking down smells, make sure your mum is managing personal care ok, and wash things like slippers frequently. Hopefully your mum will feel a lot better when she is fresh and clean and managing this better, incontinence is such a common problem, but isn’t something people talk about, and can feel very isolating.

also many women have continence issues, as noticed by the amount of continents products on t he shelves in the supermarket.
i would go with fresh flowers/air freshener

can she shower easily?

Fresh flowers or air fresheners aren’t going to get rid of the smell of wee though? The air fresheners will just add to the stink.

but her life might be a never ending smell of wee so this is a good distraction in the meantime

I’m not sure if I’ve not been clear.

my mum had a history of not dealing with things, not this particular situation, different things. Generally if she is given support, she sort of learns what to do. We’ve never had to deal with this particular situation before but I know the cycle of getting overwhelmed not dealing with something and letting it get worse, I don’t really want to go into the previous situations as they unrelated and they won’t help.

all I’m trying to do is help her get back on her feet and get her back to a good ‘base’ she was fine while she had her old cleaner but they started to mess her around (which I do believe) the mistake was she thought she’d be ok without a cleaner (she’s not)

I’ve been clear if this happens again she is on her own, but at the moment she is still very ill so I have to go and help her otherwise I’m leaving her in a pile of her own diarrhea and obviously I’m not going to do that.

when it comes to getting the help from drs etc I will leave her to do that, but if I can suggest what she does it just breaks down one barrier to access, but I’m not going to be doing it for her

Having someone regularly clean, windows open etc plus using waterproof mattress cover (changed regularly) and tena pads/knickers will help.
But the pp who said about her right to live as she wishes I don’t think was being unkind, but realistic. My MIL sounds similar to your DM - has never been, as you put it ‘fastidious’. DH and I have spent many years trying to help the situation but there does come a point when you can’t make someone live as you think they should - unless it’s a serious safety hazard.
It sounds as if your mum might be willing to make small changes and accept help so you’re not at that stage yet but longer term bear in mind you can’t always ‘fix’ everything and that’s not your fault

edited for typos

are you going to keep your cleaner going in?

Like ppl say the urine will have soaked in to furnishing so deep clean all carpets, sofa, chairs and floors, get a new mattress and pillows and waterproof protectors, new slippers, wash all clothes she wears, wipe down all surfaces, marks do a lovely jasmine floor wipe, open the windows, buy scented waste bin bags. The pink neutrodol blocks are quite strong but effective in the lounge, toilet and bathroom.

I do get that, but she doesn’t want to live like this she just doesn’t know how to make it better.

im not expecting her to live in a show home just get her to a state of being more sanitary so she can still see her DGC because I know how much that means to her but I’ve been clear once we’ve done all this I’m not doing it again

Yes I’ve said my cleaners will come and they will tell me if she tries to cancel them and then I will be able to make her aware of the consequences of getting rid of the cleaners if that happens

It’s very likely her mattress will smell too to check that out and replace with a new mattress if it’s stained and smelly and use washable mattress covers going forward
and wash her bedding on a really hot wash with laundry sanitizer which can also be used on her underwear and pads

When does the incontinence happen? Is she leaving it too late to get to the toilet? Or does she not notice it happening - maybe little leaks but often?

I’m asking because I guess different solutions might work depending on when / why it’s happening.

My mil did struggle with incontinence, but she had Parkinson’s and serious mobility problems. She couldn’t get to the toilet, she couldn’t wipe properly, she really struggled with her clothes. It didn’t really get resolved because she went into a nursing home and then was in incontinence pants.

sounds very hard OP.

that will really help op

You mentioned she's had recent stomach trouble. Have you had a look in her fridge? My parents in their 70s started ignoring expiry dates and as their appetites decreased with age their food storage practices weren't as good as they could be. Lots of saving this for later and then forgetting all about it..

I had stress incontinence after giving birth and this is really common.

i wore pads all the time.

other suggestions:

mattress protector for beds. The cheap ones break and rip very fast. If urine is in the mattress it is very very hard to get it out.

you can also buy pillow protectors. I’m not aware of duvet protectors but duvets can be washed in the bath.

Dettol laundry helps with urine smell.

(we had an old incontinent cat for many years).

most sofas if they have moveable cushions you can buy plastic protectors. We actually changed ours to a sofa with washable covers (had to wash them a few times).

Yes, this is one of the things she has never been brilliant about, I’ve taken her to the drs and they’ve taken a stool sample. When I dropped it off I asked I message be left with them that she has lifelong issues with hygiene and throwing out old food etc. I think it’s very likely she has some sort of bacterial infection and am hoping that will also be a bit of a kick up the bum. Because I am also say I’m not doing this again if she hasn’t looked after herself properly

You might want to start with a massive, thorough deep-clean from a good cleaning company.

Also get all the carpets cleaned (again using a professional). If they still smell, they'll need to be ripped out. Maybe replaced with hard flooring that's washable.

Get rid of as much stuff as you can (or as she will allow) out of her house. This includes unnecessary furniture, kitchen stuff, general junk.

If her bed smells, get rid of that too and get a new one. Use a waterproof mattress protector.

Disposable incontinence products would be better than washable. You can also talk about using disposable incontinence pads on the furniture too.

Wash everything on hot cycles and use Dettol laundry sanitiser.

If you can get a regular cleaner in 2-3 times per week, that would be much better than once a week.

(By "incontinence pads" I mean like puppy pads.)

On a chair it would helpful to have disposable bed pads so when sitting down would protect a chair. Waterproof mattress cover for the bed and disposable bed pad on top of the bed sheet to save stripping bed every day. I got my mums from Amazon. I found that incontinence pads where much better that pants. Mum used a pad with sainsburys incontinence pants instead of actual pants as you could just tear them at the side and didn't have to take them on or off. Used waterproof pants on top if going out.

It’s good that you’ve put some boundaries in.

Could it be that the house is no longer suitable for her?

Have you had the discussion of moving to a retirement village when she’ll probably have a wet room making showering easier in the long run and there will be less rooms to clean and maintain?

Yas she has money would she be amenable to a daily carer? You can call them something else (PA?) if it would help her accept help. They can make sure she showers and changes clothes, wears Tena, check the food dates, keep on top of her clothes washing. Then a twice weekly cleaner to keep on top of the rest.

It will be helpful if she can accept GP help with the continence issues as will turn off the source of the problem, so to speak.

Agree in the meantime to put protectors onto stuff.

IMO once urine is soaked into furnishings you won’t get rid of it. Mum had an incontinent dog and despite the carpets being cleaned in hot weather the smell came back.

Firstly I'm really sorry your going through this.
Would your mum consider moveing to a smaller property in the longterm .
Decanter to make cleaning easier ,getting rid of carpets replace with lino that's easier to clean if possible.
The mattress might have to be replaced.
Also you can buy kylie sheets on amazon these can be used on beds or chairs and if wet can be washed and reused.
I appreciated this is all very expensive.