82 year old grandmother with health issues has booked a holiday with her friend who has suspected dementia to spain

[LovingLurker]

My lovely grandmother who I am very close to has booked a holiday to Spain with her friend who lives next door and has been her best friend for many years. Her friend is seeing people in her home at night that are not there and forgetting things. Her son her told the doctors and she is has an appointment she thinks is for. A check up but is try and start the process of seeing if she has dementia or what’s wrong with her,My grandmother has several health issues mobility issues and a really bad leg ulcer that won’t heal, we have taken her abroad with us and take her on holiday where we are there to support, something always goes wrong , and every time she forgets some medication, such as forgetting insulin while and only realising on a cruise ship. She is on heavy medication such as a high dose of morphine too. We really don’t feel this trip is a good idea , but they paid deposit and are admiment in going despite all this. I am sure they won’t get any form of mobile to work either as they both struggle.
she said she will ask doctor if she is okay to go ? Do I call doctor with my concerns, do I just let them go ? I will also be 39 weeks pregnant and my mother her daughter is here supporting us with my toddler if I go into labour , I’m so concerned if something goes wrong we won’t be in the right set up to help her.

They need really good travel insurance!

I hope they’ve both got bloody good travel insurance!

Make sure they've got comprehensive travel insurance. It will be sky high given their conditions.

If you can’t persuade them to ‘hold off’ until you or your mum can accompany them/ doctor says no then please get insurance on their behalf.
Repatriation costs are huge.

A similar scenario happened with my mum. I didn't know what to do. Of course, she fell while away and ended up in hospital. At least it was in UK. Frankly, I would do everything to stop your grandmother going, OP. It has disaster written all over it. Sorry.

Lets hope she doesn't mislay her passport in the next couple of weeks

I had a parent do something similar. It was actually fine in the end. I've no idea how. But it was their last holiday, and they really enjoyed it.

It's their decision - when we are young we take stupid decisions to get shit-faced on holiday or knock back drink/drugs but we are allowed to do it! It should be the same for them TBH.

As long as they have insurance (which will be ££££) then let them make their own decision.

To be honest I would have thought the friend, with a pending possible dementia diagnosis, will not actually be able to get travel insurance. Which might be enough to bring your grandma to her senses.
Hope so OP.

How much will the health insurance cost? It will expensive for sure. Are they going by themselves? It sounds like a disaster to happen.

I would be more worried about them having insurance, it sounds unlikely that either of them will have understood the importance of declaring every medical condition they have and what medication they are on - if they have taken out insurance of course!

I have a number of medical conditions and take a lot of medication to control the problems, prevent reoccurrence's and alleviate pain, I take so many tablets each day that I rattle! I’ve just booked to go to visit my sister in the US. I searched for several hours to get the best value insurance, phoning companies rather than booking online as I found it too complicated, I’ve ended up paying over £550 for 8 days cover! In contrast, my other sister who is travelling with me, paid less than £50 for the same cover.

I totally agree with you that this holiday sounds unsuitable for your grandmother and that you should try to talk her out of it. Maybe try researching a more suitable coach trip in the UK or a Fred Olsen cruise around the UK that she might consider as an alternative, if you can show her enough details, she might be persuaded more easily than if you simply ask her not to go to Spain.

Have you checked out the Hotel where they have booked in Spain? If they are adamant about going there is little you can do but you could ensure they book assistance at the airport and check there is a rep from the holiday company to meet them at the airport for their transfer. I used to work overseas in a big resort, we had one elderly lady book to come on her own, she was in a wheelchair but had booked a hotel that had loads of steps. She was oblivious to all the problems of getting on coaches, how she was going to handle her luggage, getting to the beach etc. Fortunately there were people on hand to help her but she had exhausted everyone's patience by the end of the week.

It sounds like a Crowdfunder waiting to happen

Thank you everyone , taking this all on board

TBH it might be good if they both mislay their passports soon.

My Nan has also not been short on holidays , she went to Spain last year and a TUI cruise with my mum and we took her to the lakes. , we took her to Greece the year before , the year before was West Sussex and I’m taking her with us to Northumberland this year in June. So I’m definitely not trying to be boring , I just know how much work it is and what she is capable of. I always vet all holidays to make sure she has a walk in shower accessibly ect , I take care of her insurance as she definitely likes to leave conditions out so it’s usually a battle to ensure she declares everythijg

This reminds me of my holiday rep days, especially during the winter months. Numerous elderly guests who were in need of care and assistance far more than I could (or should have) provide/d.

I guess you can ensure their GBHIC cards are up to date.
And check if there's anything they need to be aware of re taking her meds (you mentioned morphine?) to Spain.

Good point. Check if morphine is a medication you can bring into Spain. The op’s dm might need to organise a doctor in Spain who can write a prescription to get the medication once there. You might need to pay and reclaim the costs back afterwards.

she said she will ask doctor if she is okay to go

Do you think she will really? Or is she fobbing you off?

I would definitely tell her GP of your concerns.

If you can't stop her going - would she be happy letting you sort her insurance /doing it with you in the room?

can she just go on a cruise instead? I have heard that some specifically cater for the elderly

I can't imagine having the nerve to tell my dm at 82 what she could or couldn't do.

Would she have the nerve to expect you to sort them out if some thing shock horror surprise goes wrong though

It sounds like a recipe for disaster. I would certainly call the doctor to flag your concerns but there may be nothing they can do.

If they’re going no matter what you say, and if they have adequate insurance, please don’t feel responsible for bailing her out if something goes wrong. There must be other family members who can keep an eye on her. You have a toddler and you’re about to give birth. It sounds like you do a lot for your gran, but your primary responsibility is to look after your own family, not try to look after an elderly lady who has capacity but makes bad decisions.