Disturbing finds in house clearance

[Lockedboxed]

Clearing a hoarder’s house is not fun at all but the most disturbing find was locked boxes of all manner of books and sex toys. You really would never have thought it. Never felt unsafe with the owner (until their diagnosis of dementia, but meds keep them calm now).

I can’t unsee it (and I’m trying to be open minded about consenting adults). I think it might help if anyone has solidarity from their own upsetting finds, to make me feel less alone. Please tell me this isn’t the only time this has happened.

(Regular poster but name changed for this as combined my posts would be outing).

There's something about this I find quite sweet, I think it's the sticking pictures of his wife's head on them, it was his kink, but he wouldn't ask his wife to indulge in such a thing and didn't want to look at women sexually who were not her. Maybe that's just my brain twisting things!

We found £20k cash hidden in the airing cupboard of a house we were working on. Lovely lady who lived there was a widow. Apparently her DH had always told her he had “a bit put by” but he’d died suddenly and she could never find it. She cried when we gave it to her and tried to give me a tenner 🤣🤣 I said no!

I found old wank mags in an elderly relatives flat I was clearing.

It was almost sweet ... they were like museum pieces. All the women still had pubic hair proudly on display.

I see a lot of sex toys being chucked away in the next few months !

Not as unusual as some of these but after DH died I was clearing his clothes out of a drawer and found a starting pistol and a flair. I immediately panicked and rang ds2 Social services carer who was a retired police superintendent.. I was rabbiting away that I thought I would be arrested.. He very calmly told me to ring the police headquarters who sent a lovely man to collect them. Turns out he had worked with ds's carer and he stayed and had a cup of tea!

I didn't understand the references at the time, but there's talk of Ann Summers in the Adrian Mole books from the early 80s. Sex toys have been openly talked about for pretty much my entire life, and I'm 50.

Or could it be donated to a museum? It all sounds terribly poignant

whem how lovely you were so honest. Many people are not like that.

i find this thread hilarious. I don’t really care if an elderly person has had a kinky sex life or mags as long as it harmed no one else. Who cares!

I helped clear my aunts house after she died and we found boxes and boxes of "glamour" photos from the 60s of both her and her husband along with various porn magazines in which they had professional staring roles! The timespan covered a period of about 8 years and they were obviously regular bookings.

My mother was horrified but I was seriously impressed!

We burnt everything out of respect.

Burn them and scatter the ashes on their graves perhaps?

Omg howling i would have gone with the taxi option im sure the tzxi driver would have had a field day lol

Many lovely stories on this thread, but also some staggering naivety. OP has discretely used the phrase sex toys but these could include weapons/pain infliction or items for voyeurism as illustrated by other posters. It's perfectly normal to be upset by some mens proclivities which all too often include abuse of others. Old men are not sweet just because they're old.

If you've read Swedish death Clearing you'll have read the chapter on how to deal with your sex toys. She suggests the locked box with a note on it. She suggests reducing your dildo collection down to your absolute favourites. So nothing prudish in her approach and it sounds as if your parent did what is a good idea. My collection might make a less sexually liberated persons hair curl, but frankly it's their problem.

The suggestion that someone might be unsafe because they have a box of sex toys is more worrying to me than the actual box. Between consenting adults what they do is between them and is not for you to judge. Unless of course you've found images or evidence of sexual abuse involving children or vulnerable people, in which case your concerns are valid.

I'm with you OP - I would find that very upsetting, and my initial physical reaction would include fear/unease. I don't know if you clear houses as a job, but there is no other workplace where you could find those items and be told "so what? Big deal." And if it's a relative who you have known all your life, it would certainly be upsetting to find out they had this significant preoccupation with sex - I can see how this could cloud your memories.

I don't understand how some people are seemingly horrified by the concept of "kink shaming", but they're perfectly happy with "standard-human-emotion shaming" 🤷‍♀️

If it's "illegal" then it's not porn, it's images of abuse. I really wish the word porn would stop being used in association with sexual abuse images. Call it what it is, if it's illegal it is going to be disturbing.

Playboy- men read it for the car articles.
As a 16yr old, I was asked to babysit {like a nanny} a friend of mum's 3 yr old daughter {live in for two weeks} during the summer hols.
I was given a spare room .

Under the bed were reams of Playboys! - I was very surprised, and couldn't look at her husband in quite the same way.

Mum in later years told me that the couple were living in separate bedrooms due to the woman's infidelity.

Me three...Were these Vintage?

Seems it has to be a woman, as well- as PND was mentioned.

So obviously these were from a long time ago, if the relative is suffering dementia.

@Lockedboxed Sorry you are having to deal with this.

It’s common with people with dementia to do it.

They aren't unsafe because they have a sex toy collection.
I understand you don't want to think of them
In that way but that's a huge overreaction.

I’ve been decluttering my own home. I’ve vague recollections of some probably tame toys. I think I’ll wrap well and toss in my neighbours bin who likes to chuck his dog poo bag in mine while he’s passing.

swank made me giggle

Re the unsafe comment it could depend on the nature of the books and toys really

We found a lot of very compromising photos of my Dad and his second wife when we cleared his house.

And they kept appearing in unexpected places, like DVD cases.

It actually turned quite funny in the end, because every now and then a shout of "MY EYES, MY EYES" would be heard and someone would rush with a bin bag for the offending item. We were equally prudishly shocked and quietly impressed with the sheer proliferation I think 😂

I remember shops in the early 70s that sold 'marital aids'. I think Anne Summers was probably the first shop that sold them openly and (rightly) without shame.

Icy Hedgehog, you need to start your own thread.