Page 3 | Disturbing finds in house clearance

Lockedboxed · 2024-12-04T22:44:06+00:00

Clearing a hoarder’s house is not fun at all but the most disturbing find was locked boxes of all manner of books and sex toys. You really would never have thought it. Never felt unsafe with the owner (until their diagnosis of dementia, but meds keep them calm now). I can’t unsee it (and I’m trying to be open minded about consenting adults). I think it might help if anyone has solidarity from their own upsetting finds, to make me feel less alone. Please tell me this isn’t the only time this has happened. (Regular poster but name changed for this as combined my posts would be outing).

StormingNorman · 04/12/2024 23:56

HarrietSchulenberg · 04/12/2024 23:38

My dad went into his parents' loft to clear things out after they'd died. He climbed the ladder, lifted the loft hatch, shone a torch inside and nearly passed out when he saw a face staring back at him, glassy eyed and mouth agape. It was a blown up sex doll that my adult cousin, who had lived there recently, had stashed away to "enjoy" while his grandparents were out.
She was not alone up there, in fact ahe had quite a few companions in various states of deflation.
This cued much debate about whether to hand the little vinyl harem back to my cousin and, if so, whether to fully deflate them and hand him a box, or to pump them all up, put some frocks on them and send them round to his new house in a taxi. I thought the application of some hot chilli paste into their orifices beforehand would spice things up a bit more for him.
In the end Dad and his brother decided that this little ready made party would be too thrilling so they popped 'em and put 'em in the bin.
I still think it was a wasted opportunity.

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall if they’d all turned up in a taxi

JellyTots2021 · 04/12/2024 23:58

Belshels · 04/12/2024 23:41

When my dad died at 91, we uncovered a load of hidden magazine pics of women in rubber suits and capes, but he'd stuck photos of my mums head on them.🙈 Omg I was mortified as can't unsee that now. So I definitely get where you are coming from OP!!

This is somehow so wholesome!

StormingNorman · 04/12/2024 23:59

Belshels · 04/12/2024 23:41

When my dad died at 91, we uncovered a load of hidden magazine pics of women in rubber suits and capes, but he'd stuck photos of my mums head on them.🙈 Omg I was mortified as can't unsee that now. So I definitely get where you are coming from OP!!

That’s really sweet in its own way.

BluesandClues · 05/12/2024 00:00

Reading this, I have to wonder if anyone ever asked to be buried with their stash.

StrikeForever · 05/12/2024 00:02

We have nothing particularly kinky (DH 71, me 65), but there is a bedside cupboard . . . . . . I have an agreement with my eldest sensible daughter that when I kick the bucket, she will check and dispose of any ‘fun’ contents. My other adult daughter would be scandalised by discovering them 🙄

LBFseBrom · 05/12/2024 00:05

Just bag them up and throw them away. I know it is difficult to imagine elderly people having had a sex life but most of us did though I have never liked sex toys, did try but prefer the real thing. He or she probably used the sex toys many years ago, maybe experimenting. That's quite normal.

Barleysugar86 · 05/12/2024 00:08

RunVelma · 04/12/2024 23:46

Wow! What age was your DH when he found out about it? When did you find out? Did she speak openly about it? So many questions…

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He always kind of knew, his dad was a former client with a wife and family, they had to go to court for child maintenance, it was all fairly messy. Obviously kids don't really know what sex is to start with so I'm not sure when it really dawned on him what she did with clients but she wasn't actively pretending to him to be something else. She was a difficult mother with a hell of a temper who left him being babysit by neighbours a lot to go to work so it's not like they were particularly close and having heart to hearts. He told me everything pretty early on in our relationship but it was coming to a head as she was terminally ill and passed pretty soon after we started dating and he knew he'd have to deal with her estate. I offered to help with the clearout.

paranoiaofpufflings · 05/12/2024 00:09

@Belshels Oh but that's actually quite sweet! Just goes to show that your mum really was the one for him.

WingleWom · 05/12/2024 00:09

MystifiedMiL · 04/12/2024 23:41

I know that my brother found a lot of very compromising images on my elderly, disabled Dad’s computer after he died. I didn’t ask for any details. My brother had the hard drive professionally destroyed.

Professionally destroyed? I'm trying to imagine what would be bad enough to get it destroyed but not to bring it to the police.

Growlybear83 · 05/12/2024 00:11

I was somewhat surprised to find a large rampant rabbit in my mum's ottoman when I cleared her house after she died. She was 95 😳

macap · 05/12/2024 00:14

Belshels · 04/12/2024 23:41

When my dad died at 91, we uncovered a load of hidden magazine pics of women in rubber suits and capes, but he'd stuck photos of my mums head on them.🙈 Omg I was mortified as can't unsee that now. So I definitely get where you are coming from OP!!

True love 🤣

EBearhug · 05/12/2024 00:16

Electronic sex toys count under WEEE disposal regulations, so you shouldn't just stick them in the bin. Ann Summers, LoveHoney, Bondara and probably other such companies have recycling schemes.

Presumably anything like rope or leather or metal or glass is disposed of appropriately for that material.

I do not know how my cousins disposed of my mum's, though. I opted out of dealing with it.

unsync · 05/12/2024 00:18

ReadingSoManyThreads · 04/12/2024 23:45

What happened next? Did your DH try to find his half-sibling??

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No. I think they were just so stunned but disgusted at the same time. It did answer niggling questions about what happened to various family assets though. It was all very surreal.

FIL was quite selfish and there were periods of estrangement. Ex turned into his father, one of the many reasons why he's an ex.

shuggles · 05/12/2024 00:35

@Lockedboxed This is a really strange post. You have written this post as if you have discovered something extremely illegal or dangerous, but you've only mentioned sex toys. What's the issue? I'm sure many people have them and I don't think it makes them bad people.

There was a post a while back about someone accidentally leaving her sex toy out which meant it was discovered by her cleaner later. Everyone just found it funny.

Why would any of this make you feel unsafe?

oakleaffy · 05/12/2024 00:36

timetoreset · 04/12/2024 23:00

A friend of mine had to clear an elderly Uncle's house, who'd never married, always lived on his own, bit of a hoarder... and they found his stash of 1950s porn mags called... Swank 🤣
We still have a laugh about it

No way! what a great name for oldskool mags!

You are right!...I thought you were having us on with the name..

Sensitive content

oakleaffy · 05/12/2024 00:37

Growlybear83 · 05/12/2024 00:11

I was somewhat surprised to find a large rampant rabbit in my mum's ottoman when I cleared her house after she died. She was 95 😳

The secret of a long life?!
All power to her!

Potato1234 · 05/12/2024 00:38

This is so strange. This is a person who lived a regular life before dementia like everyone else. They aren’t just a person with dementia. Most people have sex toys, it’s no big deal I don’t think you need to be worrying about this. Not saying this is how you are but I work with lots of people with dementia and society views them very differently. I once had a police officer send a safeguarding concern in as he noticed one of my clients with dementia had viagra - they didn’t think my client had the right to have sex because of their dementia. It is sad but remember that this person had a life before their diagnosis, dildos and all

WearyAuldWumman · 05/12/2024 00:44

Lockedboxed · 04/12/2024 23:11

The not a big deal messages are helpful, thank you. The whole thing has certainly made me feel I’m a bit of a prude… but also that I need to go through my own house for adult DC’s sake. Swedish Death cleaning so there is just less stuff is the least I can do.

After my husband died, I came across love letters he'd written to me before we were engaged. I'd completely forgotten about them.

That's awful, isn't it? In my defence, I spent many years working full time and caring for my parents and then for him. Mum became unwell only two years after we married. I spent years getting only broken sleep. It takes its toll.

Yes, my sleep patterns are still mucked up - hence my being on here at this ungodly hour.

I can't bear to put the letters out. I've now got a box marked "Memories" for any lovey-dovey stuff and I'll stick a note on the front telling my cousins' kids or my nephews through marriage to destroy it. If they look through it, that's on them. (Don't think there's anything particularly sizzling in there, though.)

oakleaffy · 05/12/2024 00:44

Potato1234 · 05/12/2024 00:38

This is so strange. This is a person who lived a regular life before dementia like everyone else. They aren’t just a person with dementia. Most people have sex toys, it’s no big deal I don’t think you need to be worrying about this. Not saying this is how you are but I work with lots of people with dementia and society views them very differently. I once had a police officer send a safeguarding concern in as he noticed one of my clients with dementia had viagra - they didn’t think my client had the right to have sex because of their dementia. It is sad but remember that this person had a life before their diagnosis, dildos and all

It's not as if the vibrators and Rampant Rabbits will suddenly come to life and attempt to burrow into OP.
In themselves, sex toys are harmless.

uptheculdesac · 05/12/2024 00:46

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 04/12/2024 23:26

locked boxes of all manner of books and sex toys

The first rule is "do not unlock the box", surely?

Of course you open locked boxes. What do you suggest? Just thrown them out? Potentially throw out precious jewellery or stock bonds?

uptheculdesac · 05/12/2024 00:47

Belshels · 04/12/2024 23:41

When my dad died at 91, we uncovered a load of hidden magazine pics of women in rubber suits and capes, but he'd stuck photos of my mums head on them.🙈 Omg I was mortified as can't unsee that now. So I definitely get where you are coming from OP!!

That's kind of cute in a weird way

WearyAuldWumman · 05/12/2024 00:49

oakleaffy · 05/12/2024 00:36

No way! what a great name for oldskool mags!

You are right!...I thought you were having us on with the name..

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Graham Greene?

The same idea as men claiming that they only read Playboy for the fiction, then.

Potato1234 · 05/12/2024 00:49

oakleaffy · 05/12/2024 00:44

It's not as if the vibrators and Rampant Rabbits will suddenly come to life and attempt to burrow into OP.
In themselves, sex toys are harmless.

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😆 they certainly aren’t “disturbing”!

LeaveALittleNote · 05/12/2024 00:50

Clearing a relatives house out made me consider my own things if I were to die any time soon. I’ve thrown away most things that would be embarrassing for people to find. I’ve also sorted my paperwork; old diaries, photos of exes, love letters etc into folders which I’ve noted to destroy without opening in the case of my death. Some things should be private!

oakleaffy · 05/12/2024 00:51

WearyAuldWumman · 05/12/2024 00:44

After my husband died, I came across love letters he'd written to me before we were engaged. I'd completely forgotten about them.

That's awful, isn't it? In my defence, I spent many years working full time and caring for my parents and then for him. Mum became unwell only two years after we married. I spent years getting only broken sleep. It takes its toll.

Yes, my sleep patterns are still mucked up - hence my being on here at this ungodly hour.

I can't bear to put the letters out. I've now got a box marked "Memories" for any lovey-dovey stuff and I'll stick a note on the front telling my cousins' kids or my nephews through marriage to destroy it. If they look through it, that's on them. (Don't think there's anything particularly sizzling in there, though.)

Show quote history

A few years ago, I bought an old WW1 postcard - the woman in the antiques shop said ''Someone brought some more in, I can't really sell them, would you like them? - it was short messages from the Front {Flanders} , from three Brothers whose Mother lived in a modest terraced house in Bristol.
They spoke of snow, and hardship, and one brother {who had beautiful handwriting in pencil - {they all used pencil} had been injured, and his other brother was trying to go ''up the line'' to find him.
I never found out of the injured brother made it or not.

Such things were saved for decades, then someone found them and wanted rid. Very poignant.