So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 4

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

continuing from our last thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/5036546-so-bloody-exhausted-waiting-for-someone-to-die-3?page=40&reply=140073671

I’m sorry, @GoldenSpraint - it’s so hard, isn’t it?

I just can't stand it. I want her to die and feel like a complete and utterly bitch for wanting it so much. I want my life back. I want it all to go away. I feel like I'm a murderer or something, willing her gone.

There is nothing shameful about wanting someone you love to be out of a life you know they would never have chosen. 💐

Sending supportive hugs @GoldenSpraint

Hope everyone has a peaceful day tomorrow.

It's just very sad at Christmas time @GoldenSpraint . Hard not to remember how people were in their prime.

I feel your pain @GoldenSpraint. It’s awful when people get to the stage where they have zero quality of life and just keep going. In the meantime everyone else’s life is on hold.

Thank you so much. Many years ago she told me if she ever got like her grandmother or father to put a pillow over her face. She would never have wanted this.

Thank you xxxxx

It is. She barely registers what time of year it is. She thinks it's March in the 1950s sometime.

Yes, exactly. Poor Mum, if she saw herself she'd want the person she saw to be quickly gone. Thank you.

I'm thinking of everyone on this thread waiting for the end... xxxx

You’ve worded this perfectly. I hope this sentiment brings others some comfort over Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone.

Sending hugs and patience to those that need it today.

Sending solidarity and hugs to everyone on this thread and hope you’re all managing to get through Christmas. We’re with my elderly step Dad and it’s been draining. I just want to be anywhere but here. I feel I need a holiday but this has used the last of my annual leave until April. Absolutely no support from extended family and the final straw was when someone wrote in a Christmas card they hoped I’d have a fab and fun filled Christmas. This person knows about everything I’ve gone through this year and how stressed and overwhelmed I’ve felt. They also know that with my step dad on his own I’m in no position to do any of the stuff I love doing.

Morning. Not been on this thread for a while as we had a rollercoaster year but my DM finally passed away in her sleep last night (dementia). Got a full on day with the kids today and not really sure how I should be feeling.

You feel how you feel @CornishGem. Feeling not very much, or relief, now is valid; suddenly being overwhelmed with sadness at the funeral is valid; going back to not feeling very much is also quite possible. Glad to hear you've got distractions today.

I honestly didn't feel much at all but relief when my DF died 5 years ago. Since then I've had some loving but sad moments and good memories which have really been a gift as our relationship was not the best.

So sorry for your loss @CornishGem1975

It sounds like your dm had a peaceful end and it's okay to feel gratitude and relief for that, amongst the grief.

Sorry for your loss @CornishGem1975. As @PermanentTemporary says, there is no way you “should” feel right now. Every journey of grief is different and valid.

Be kind to yourself, listen to your body when it tells you to rest/eat/etc.

@SinisterBumFacedCat You have my heartfelt sympathy. My Dad, and siblings all died from HD. Any dementia is awful to watch, but HD is wickedly cruel. I had to keep careful when I visited because it took so much out of me.
I hope you have people around you for support, but I’m always open to a DM if you want to talk.
Take care of yourself… and that goes to all on this thread x

I’m really sorry to hear about your loss @CornishGem1975. I also think anything you feel or don’t feel is perfectly valid so don’t beat yourself up. I also think it’s difficult to feel or have space to admit or acknowledge your feelings if you’re the one sorting everything out. I hope you get support from your family. Sending hugs.

@CornishGem1975 I’m sorry for your loss. You’ve had good advice from previous posters. There’s no way you should be feeling, and hopefully you have people around you supporting you.

Hugs to you @CornishGem1975 🤗

@CornishGem1975

, @CornishGem1975. You feel how you feel,there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Take care of yourself.

MIL still hanging on (the home reckoned “hours or days” at the weekend, but as always they underestimated how tough she is). BIL has gone over there today, we’ll go tomorrow. Not quite sure what to do if this goes on for weeks. It’s all extra complicated because DH and BIL had found a buyer for her house but not yet exchanged contracts, and if she dies their appointment as her attorneys comes to an end and they’ll have to apply for probate before they can sell it.

I have seen dh both parents go into nursing homes with dementia and Alzheimer’s
It was the most horrible thing I’ve seen a human being slowly pass away which took months
They just lay there, didn’t speak, one of them ended up with off the scale bed sores
which. Sister at the hospital told me in all her years nursing she as never seen anything worse
They had gone down into the bone 😡

I have my POA form to fill in with any wishes I’d like if I was to become seriously ill
from seeing what I have with these people I am going to put
No DNR
If I am refusing food do not force it on me
I do not wish if any other decease is found
to go through any chemo, operation, radiation
if I have dementia/alzheimers/parkinsons/Mnd etc
I do not want to be given medication if I can not swallow

This is such a good thread, I will be taking notes from