So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 4

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

continuing from our last thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/5036546-so-bloody-exhausted-waiting-for-someone-to-die-3?page=40&reply=140073671

Sorry I've been mia. It's been a rollercoaster few weeks. I was told a week ago mam had months. She was readmitted to hospital Thursday. Today the kidney doctors called and said she had days. She is still drinking but hasn't eaten in 2 days. She is very tired, her voice is in and out, but still lucid a lot of the time. We spent a chunk of this afternoon reminiscing and laughing heartily. She's still got her quick witty humour and is cheering all the nursing staff up. But the doctors have agreed to have someone take her out for a smoke whenever she wants (I don't have to sneak her out). I've been preparing for this since I was 13, but I'm still not ready. And there's only me. Love to all going through it

@PotterHead1985 my Mum's kidneys went and she got weaker but like your DM was still lucid and herself. In the end we were ushered away from her room so the nurses could help her attend to a call of nature, and then they came belting out to get us a couple of minutes later and she passed away with us holding her hand soon after.

I think what had happened was the kidney problems meant the electrolytes in her body (potassium, sodium levels etc) were all out of whack, and that screwed her heart rhythm. There are a lot worse ways to go.

I'm sorry there's only you. Hope you have some friends or colleagues to offer a bit of a handhold.

And I hope they carry on keeping your DM happy.

@Paperbagsaremineyea her potassium is back up to 6. Something again. She's also I'm end stage heart failure so it's both of them doing her in.

Thank you.

Thanks. He's on morphine and an end of life pathway. I know from this board it can go on for a few days. I'm finding it slightly difficult to know what to do with myself.

I entirely missed the deleted post but it's awful that someone's posted something that needs deleted on this thread. If you're reading this then you should be ashamed of yourself.

@HoraceGoesBonkers i requested the post be deleted. It was a self-righteous poster telling us how awful we all are for talking about our elderly relatives in such a way. No personal attacks but obviously someone who doesn’t understand that some people need a safe space to vent and say those “unsayable” things that we all deep down think at times.

Mum's been unconscious since yesterday, max doses of meds and started on phenobarbital this morning. Struggling to breathe all day, my brother and I have been staying with her - knackered. Hoping that she gets peace soon. This is hell.

@Gcni here you. I was out of the house from 9am til 11pm yesterday with mam. I nearly broke down when I got home as I couldn't find where the neighbour had put the cat food and he had cut beethovens nails and one bled all over my new couch so I've to clean that. I'm barely functioning. Hugs.

@cavemum ah, good grief! Dad's been ill for such a long time and my mums been determined to keep him alive, I can really do without self righteous fucknuggets right now. So thank you.

I went to see Dad a couple of days ago. It's been all a bit off because we've been here so many times before. My mum is saying he had some sort of a stroke type thing on Thursday and lost speech and focus.

But the thing is I haven't had a conversation with him for years and he's blind. The main difference was that he was sleeping in a bed rather than his chair.

Anyway he's refusing fluids and on a palliative care path and on morphine now.

Does anyone know how long this is going to take?

@HoraceGoesBonkers my Mum was admitted on the 10th April having not really eaten for a good few weeks. She had literal sips of water for a couple of days and then stopped fluids altogether. Her kidneys went, then her liver. She was transferred to Marie Curie care on the 16th and put on a syringe driver. She passed on the 18th.

Mum passed away this afternoon, 7 weeks after being admitted to hospice. She'd been on a syringe driver all that time, hadn't eaten or drank for about a week before. Could not have dealt with it at home.

Sending my love. Mam is on the driver a couple days now. She is still eating the odd small amount. She had a bit of cereal this morning but nothing since. She's very tired and keeps losing her voice. She keeps getting stomach aches too and was sick this afternoon. No idea what tomorrow will bring.

@Gcn sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort that your DM now has peace. Look after yourself in these next few days and weeks. Sending good wishes.

Sending love @Gcn, I'm 2 weeks in to the new world I'm living in without my Mum and I'm not sure it's hit home just yet. Take care of yourself.

Ach I'm sorry @Gcn. May her memory be for a blessing.

@Gcn So sorry for your loss. It sounds as though your Mum died peacefully and hope that gives you some comfort. My Dad was in a hospice at the end and received exemplary care. I couldn’t have managed things at home either.

Sorry for your loss @Gcn. Be kind to yourself.

I thought palliative meant keeping them comfortable and pain free. Mam has been crying out for help in pain so much today. They have her on a driver, just given a bolus and are saying just let it take time to work. But I'm the one sitting there when she's crying help not them

@PotterHead1985 awful for you. Hand hold for what it is worth.

@PotterHead1985 that's awful. I think don't be afraid to call them again

It's killing me. She's in worse and worse pain and shaking more and more. I think she may be actively dying

Oh @potterhead 💔 do you have e anyone to call? 111?

GCN so sorry for your loss. Peace at last.

My DD 95 is now in the final stages having been in decline since Christmas. He was asleep for each of my weekly visits for the last month. He’s now got trouble swallowing and not eating, on intravenous pain relief. He has a few days perhaps; less than a week. He has very good care in his care home so we feel grateful for their kindness and sensitivity. I feel quite awful as I’m away for a few days till Friday but I’ve been working so hard and badly needed a break. My sisters are visiting and were keen for me to still take my holiday. I know I've been there for him for so long and he could always have slipped away at any time when I wasn’t there. I shall miss him. But his quality of life has not been there for a long time - he’s a curled up bag of bones. I don’t want him to suffer any more.

We don't have 111 here. She is also in hospital so not really. They have increased pain meds and given her midazolam. She is finally resting.

Mammy passed early this morning