Mum driving into London 81.

[Flyhigher]

I want to try and stop my mum driving into London at 81.
She's insistent. How do you convince a stubborn 81 year old? She's like a toddler.
Help any ideas? She's having dental treatment.
She has to drive along the north circular into hangar lane. Don't really like her driving into London.
Help.

@Mumsntfan1 why is she not an adult if she has an accident? Do younger people not have accidents? Do they then get pressured to be told when and how to get places? Unless she has cognitive decline it's none of ops concern.

If she's an adult with full mental capacity to be able to make her own informed decisions then you have sod all control over what she can or can't do.
You may not agree with her choices but everyone has the right to make decisions that others may view as 'bad decisions'.
Sorry

My dad is 86 and still works full time (no one can stop him, he works in an office as a manager) and he drives all over London and frequently to Essex and back. I don’t think age alone is reason to stop someone driving. Lots of younger drivers are horrendous.

Don't knock her confidence. It's really important she keeps her independence.
Obviously if she's not safe behind the wheel, that's a different matter. If she's a regular driver and knows the route, she's probably safer than full throttle testosterone driven youth!

You do know that being 81 isn’t in itself a reason not to drive? I would assume that she’s familiar with the route and traffic, more so than, say, a new driver in their 20s who’s never driven that route?
If she wants to drive and she’s capable leave her be!

Have you any reason to think she is a danger to herself or others? If not-stop being so bloody ageist. "Toddler"-seriously??

Has she done the journey before? Does she know where to park?

The hangar lane gyratory system gives me the heebie jeebies and I’m in my 40s but I’m not your mum. Unless you genuinely think she’s not safe to be driving then it’s up to her what she does.

And yes age is a factor in capacity to do things like driving but the actual capacity to do particular things at a particular age depends on the individual.

I drive in London several times a week, the bit you are describing isn’t bad at all as it’s always full of traffic and super slow. Driving in central is much more of a pain. The only issue I can see is finding parking so hopefully her destination has some.

Unless you have reason to doubt her competence mind your own business.

It’s fine. I met my Dad is Brighton at the weekend. Traffic was horrendous and Brighton is much more confusing than the A406. He’s 84.

She's likely to just be crawling along with traffic on that stretch and off the main roads, it's mainly 20mph speed limits.

She's starting to drift over the lane markings.
Don't think her eyesight and peripheral vision is all that good.
Her hearing is also 50% down.
She's definitely having some cognitive decline.

What age did other elderly parents stop driving into London?

She's declined a lot since Covid. More angry. More irrational. Shouts a lot. More forgetful.

@Flyhigher

Where will she be driving from and to?

What kind of dental treatment is she having?

I'm wondering whether other options are worth considering if she is having actual treatment such as a root canal, not because of her age, just because it would be more comfortable to be driven if in some discomfort.

North circular is pretty straightforward. People tend to be forgiving about you needing to change lane at hanger lane. If you mean she picks wrong lane o
and needs to change

If you mean drifting across lanes as in can't drive in straight line between line markers however then she isn't safe to drive anywhere and you need to freak with that bit try and risk assess journeys that you feel are safer than others.

I totally understand where you're coming from OP. My dad was a great driver but around that age I stopped letting him drive me anywhere for similar reasons you cite. When he was overtaking he'd indicate too early and stop indicating too soon so it was really risky, and the lane discipline also wasn't good any more. He took offence but I'd rather that than be polite and be in an accident. As it was, he got in a couple of accidents, nothing too bad thankfully and he hid it from me to start with, but it was only the insurance going up after that which forced him to realise he wasn't up to it any more. It was awful for him, but not as bad as causing a really bad accident would have been.

I think all you can do is be really firm about your take on things. She may take offence and take no notice but maybe it'll start to sink in. I get that lots of others here think you're being wrong and patronising and that it's fine to carry on in your 80s as if nothing's changed, but clearly you know it has changed with your mum and you're worried. It's not wrong to express that when lives are at stake. It's not always a traffic jam on those roads and things can get hairy. I hope you can work with her and that she'll give you a fair hearing.

My mum was still driving in London until she was 90 and when she was 80, she was still driving up to Yorkshire. She was a safe driver and I was happy for her to have my daughter as a passenger.

Just because someone gets older, it doesn't mean that they become dangerous drivers, and I think the way you've talked about your mother is very patronising, unless you've got a concern about a particular medical condition that she needs to report to DVLA.

When my mum had to stop driving because of her failing eyesight, she was completely devastated and the loss of her independence was one of the triggers for her rapid decline.

She is managing it now. But when I've been in the car with her locally she drives almost on top of the middle lane marking. If not slightly over at times.
She terrified to hit the left kerb.

She's not wanting to hear she can't drive.
My father wasn't stubborn. He was very logical about it.
He drove locally but then stopped doing longer distances from 80.

She drives on the middle line. If a car coming round a bend isn't expecting it she could be hit.

My dad aged 80 would happily drive in London or long distances in the UK (though he's just decided that he won't drive abroad any more, but I think that's partly because of insurance cost). But I have no concerns about his driving ability or cognition - he's very slightly more forgetful than he used to be, but has none of the other signs of decline that you mention. I think this situation really needs to be about your mum's driving ability, not her age.

Make your mind up. If she's dangerous report her to the dvla.

I wouldn’t say an automatic ‘people over x age should stop driving in London’ but I do think it’s very different conditions for someone who lives in suburbia/countryside to get on board with now.

One of the biggest situations now with the London road network is sharing it with multiple different types of road users, such as the moped/scooter riders, typically working for Deliveroo and Uber eats who will weave in and undertake on lanes etc.

Despite the slow nature of london driving, you do have to have very active reaction times and have good peripheral vision for cyclists, scooters, pedestrians etc.

Both my mum and dad drive in London in their 80s.

Her hearing is also 50% down

Not sure how that is relative when it comes to being able to drive.