Resentment of what parents did with their inheritance has wrecked our relationship

[MalePoster9000]

Parents are late 70s. I’m mid-40s.

I could go into details but it might be outing.

Anyway my mother always says “family is everything” but this has really not been reflected in any decisions / actions she and my father took with all that they inherited and didn’t need from the generation above them.

Anyone experience anything similar?

(although the misandrist ‘INCEL’ comments are totally uncalled for).

Not quite. OP thinks his mother took 11 years “off work” while she was raising two children. Not really reading the room on a site called ‘Mumsnet’.

You see my parents would probably the types to say that.
Along side comments about how people with depression just need to get on with it and many comments about benefit scroungers.

And then there is me.
Who is disabled. Will never be able to work again.
Id have loved to feel comfortable enough to ask for support. But I don’t. So I dont ask. And I struggle instead.

So all the talk about ‘standing in your two feet’ and ‘learning to work hard’ (and one that my dad loves ‘well if they are poor, that’s their problem. Not everyone can have everything’) has a reverse.
And that having your child, that you can help and would actually be happy to help, not asking for help instead.
And I know they’d be horrified if they knew.
But I can’t bring myself to ask. Because fir 40 years, all I’ve heard is how important it is to stand on your own two feet and to not ask anything from your parents.

@urbanbuddha ,

INCEL is an acronym about bitter involuntary celibate men who resent womankind of depriving them of their god-given right to a shag.

The OP may hate his parents, but may have a great sex life. More importantly, we don’t know either way and it is not what this thread is about.

It's up to you to make your own way in life. Such a waste of your energy being bitter about someone else's past decisions that, presumably, were right for them at the time. You really need to find a way to redirect these thoughts and energies into making the best of your own life, independent of your parents.

Perhaps some therapy might help you process your feelings and move on?

I am also in the camp of being happy to see my parents enjoying their retirement. If / when that time comes, I will aim to get them the into the best care home I can, even if it spends every last penny they have. It's theirs.
As for me, we aim to spend as much of our savings and investments as we can, mostly on needless redecoration and cruises. If we have the whole value of our house left to leave to our 3 DC, great, if some or all of it is also spent, so be it.

I do agree with you that your parents remaining assets at the second death should be split 50/50 between you and your sibling.

@Newbutoldfather

We know he doesn’t have a great sex life because he’s moaned about being single.
If he was having a great sex life he wouldn’t be bemoaning his single status.

You sound like you have a severe victim complex.

I was put into care as a child along with my siblings although we were separated.

I have Disassociation disorder due childhood sexual abuse.

I'm also a 46 yo woman who is responsible for myself.

I have a child with complex special needs and I am responsible for my own finances and happiness.

You have a massive sense of entitlement.

The fact you even have parents to move in with on your 40's is pretty amazing. Plus you pay no rent.

You need to volunteer somewhere and do something that reminds you how lucky you are.

You need to stop blaming everyone else for your life choices.

You have a degree, higher education and you've had plenty of opportunities to do something with your life. Stop being sorry for yourself and do something.

I'm 54, single and partially deaf. I live in a small town, and this has not stopped me working, getting a mortgage and acting like an adult. Your parents are not responsible for your bad decisions

It's their money and they can use it, spend it, gift it as they wish. It's nothing to do with you. If you allow it to impact your relationship that says more about you than them. I personally think it's fairer to split equally between siblings but what I consider is fairer is irrelevant.

I had a great sex life when single. That means nothing.

op, you also have a victim mentality. You are an adult. Where you are now is down to your own choices. Have you done any more practical courses to help employment? Have you had any treatments for anxiety? And therapy for childhood ‘trauma’?

why are you unemployed?

Incels hate and resent women, it’s not as straight forward as men who aren’t having sex, let’s not pretend it is, irrelevant as to if you think Op is one or not.

I definitely blew a lot of opportunities 1999-2008

And yet you are such an expert with your lens of opportunities you believe your parents blew (that realistically they didn’t, they just don’t want the same things as you). Hmmm.

OP, you haven't blamed your parents for your singleness yet.
I can't believe what I'm reading 😳

I had a great sex life when single. That means nothing.

Did you tell your partners that?

I managed to buy my own house without any financial support from my parents, as did most of my peers and all of my siblings.
The OP said her parents gave her money when she was on benefits, and she was able to return to live with them when she was financially struggling. This is financial assistance.

You sound as entitled as hell and I wouldn't leave you anything. Why you think you can dictate what people do with their own money is beyond me.

What a ridiculous thing to say. Why should they split their money 50/50 with you and your brother and leave out their grandchildren? If your DB got half and his wife decided to divorce him, shed be entitled to half, ie 1/4 of the total estate. Would you be happy with that?
Claiming that theyre being ‘actively evil’ is hateful. Anxiety isnt an inherited condition, it’s a state of physical being. What they’re proposing isnt an injustice. If you were my daughter and tried to blackmail me into leaving nothing to my grandchildren id likely write you out of my will completely. In fact, they could still do this and you’d only find out after they died.

Did you not think maybe to get a job and earn your own money?

It's a man, not their daughter.

But I agree totally that it's not "actively evil" to think about their grandchildren as well as their children.

His parents.
The OP is a whiney bloke bitching that, despite his degree and Masters, he's still unemployed, single and living at his parents' house in his mid 40s. And he can't drive or have friends, apparently.

Also that no one is giving him a massive pile of money nor consulting him about whether to sell of properties that they own. And his parents even had the audacity to consider splitting the future inheriance 3 ways to include grandchildren. Despite the OP being bitter his grandparents gave the money to his mother* and uncle, not him.

*The mother who "had time off" to raise him and his brother, because full time parenthood is such a walk in the park.

What a heap of self pitying, entitled guff.

I won’t go I to details but I very much feel your pain.

Op, the course of all your unhappiness is ...YOU.

And you will continue to be unhappy until you learn to self reflect.

Your life is entirely your choice.

Simply put, you're not very nice. You're horrible to your parents, whinge about everything, blame everyone else for everything. But. Here's the thing. Your attitude makes YOU unhappy. No one else.

If you come across in real life like you have done here, then that is why you have no friends.

You are EXCEPTIONALLY LUCKY to have the parents you have. They are saints. Until you realise that, you will continue to be unhappy.

OP you need to get some hobbies and make some friends so you feel less isolated. Does the village have any groups? The local church is often a good place to go even if you aren't particularly religious - there will be things there to get involved with.

Next time people complain about the Government wanting to cut back on benefit claimants, I will remember your UC and housing benefit, OP.

ExactLy! The people who moan about keeping rented property “ in the family “ are never the ones who are dealing with the tenants who lock themselves out at 2am or who flood the place on Boxing Day. They are not handing neighbour complaints and doing the renovations after the place has been trashed after no rent for a year. Or keeping uo to date with the 170+ laws that affect landlords.

Lots of small landlords have sold up now just like the Ops parents because of the work and stress l I can see why this would be too much for elderly people living in another area.

And even if they had kept these properties , how would the Op manage them when she can’t drive and has anxiety ? Or would that be up to the brother who has the temerity to be happily married and successful ?

Can only assume this whole thread is a joke at this point. You understand that people have lodgers outside of London, right?
I’m not surprised you’re single.