Cruel calls

[Supersimkin7]

DDP (dearest dementee parents) have taken to ringing nearest and dearest with convincing - really, coherent and plausible - ‘prank’ early morning announcements that one or other of our beloved cousins has died horribly.

Still shaken after this morning’s call.

Two cousins are very sick, so DDPANBU, and the others get a car crash or a cardiac. All untrue.

I can’t even talk to the cruel old couple. But I do. Nicely. Kindly. I give them
treats.

Please say anything cheering. Are other DDP as wicked as this?

Wow.

I just can't imagine!

Do they actually think this is funny?

It gets them attention. They sometimes sort of believe it too.

What a bizarre thing to do. I have never heard of adults with dementia behaving like that although I know of a young lad in foster care who had a transatlantic call supposedly from a hospital telling him his father had been killed in a car crash only for the father to ring him a couple of hours later laughing and asking if he enjoyed the prank. Unbelievably cruel.

That's horrific behaviour even accounting for their dementia...what a cruel and bizarre thing to do

My heart acksherly hurts! They’re astonishingly good with the details, and I speak as an editor.

It’s so horrible I can’t talk to
the family for a cheer-up, cos then they’d have to hear it.

when you say prank calls... do you mean they know exactly why they are ringing you? do they know its not real? do they make an active decision to tell you things or do they think at the time of the call that what they are telling you is true?

They’re both very good liars with form
for faking cancer.

It's OK to say enough is enough and wash your hands of them...what they are doing is so vile...

Every time I see my SIL she asks how my mother is doing. She has been dead 20 years. She adored her, and can't quite place why she isn't seeing her.
Do your parents believe what they are telling you?

I have known dementia to begin with lies. It can be a part of the disease, but if it's also part of their nature, that's extremely difficult. I wouldn't cut ties, but you need space and support.

Acksherly? And you're an editor?

It's a joke.

Obviously, but she's talking about something that's meant to be seriously distressing to her, so it's very strange to joke about it.

Agreed - very dramatic and ott. They either have dementia and don’t know what they’re doing or there’s a history here of this kind of behaviour.

Acksherly is a joke? The whole thing is weird, including the post

This is not a typical symptom of dementia, no. To what extent are you involved in supporting them? Do you have to take their calls, especially first thing in the morning?

If they have dementia, they are ill. It is part of the illness. It is not something that warrants moral judgment.

Some people with vascular dementia try to eat their own shit. Calling someone who tries to do this disgusting imparts moral judgment. It's not their fault. They are severely ill.

There are so many other symptoms of dementia that are very very tragically sad and have terrible appearances but you have to remember (and its hard sometimes) that it is just the disease acting up

@FictionalCharacter sigh.

Illness doesn’t reduce the horrible pain this is causing everyone on
the end of the phone.

I wish it did. The dementia disclaimer only works to excuse the damage, not delete it or fix it.

Just because someone’s ill or ND their actions don’t suddenly transform to harmless. Again, no one more than I wish they did.

Sounds like OP might share their DDP's sense of humour.

Just because someone’s ill or ND their actions don’t suddenly transform to harmless.

No one is saying it does make the consequences harmless but you are completely wrong and have completely the wrong approach to describe them as 'wicked' or to say 'I can’t even talk to the cruel old couple" which is just nasty given this behaviour is because they have a really cruel degenerative disease.

Cruelty requires knowing malicious intention - a true responsiblitiy if you will. People with dementia are unwell and have no responsiblity for their actions which are caused by their brain degeneration.

For what its worth, be careful what you wish for. The disease will progress and the time will come when they can't speak or communication or even know how to use a phone. You will look back at this as a better time. I know that sounds unbelievable but you'll be surprised. Watching someone die of dementia and lose capability a bit at a time is a truly horrific experience.

Does your SIL have dementia, @gardenmusic?

Have they always been like this, OP? Do they actually have a dementia diagnosis? It sounds incredibly cruel if they are just playing a prank. I didn't think someone with dementia would have the wherewithal to play pranks.

Does your SIL have dementia, ?

Yes unfortunately, and the sweetest of women.

@usersuserse yeah, I’ve lived - and am living - the decline.

Everyone said the family would be upset when an alcoholic relation who had a compulsive talking dementia (part of his ARBD) would stop talking so much.

He monologued for three hours at a time, shrieking if anyone tried to use the loo or put the kettle on.

No one was upset when the loud, senseless babble eased. His poor DW came off antidepressants, too.

Not sure how to see sanctimony as a valid response.