Mum's Will

[PrinceEggward]

My Mum is in her eighties and finally made her will a few years ago (after quite a bit of nagging from me and my sister). My sister said that she did it with the help of the manager of her retirement property. I've never seen the will and when I asked my Mum, she said anything left would be split 50/50 between me and my sister. Last year I said to my sister I had never seen the will and she just said, "Oh, haven't you?"

Fast forward to now, my Mum was diagnosed with dementia last year and is now in a care home. She's still with it but can't organise herself so I am currently sorting out all her paperwork and finances.

I've just stumbled across her will. Bar a couple of charity legacies, everything will be split 50/50. However, should me or my sister pre-decease my Mum then that daughter's share will be divided as follows.

Sister
10% to Sister's DH
30% to Sister's Child A
30% to Sister's Child B
30% to Sister's Child B

PrinceEggward
20% to Prince Eggward's DH
80% to Sister

Although we don't have children and I'm not planning to pop my clogs any time soon I feel really upset and angry about this. At the time the will was written, I know that my Mum wouldn't have had the wherewithall to decide these figures. I am also sceptical that a third party would have suggested this and my Mum would have agreed without one of us double checking it. I can only conclude that my sister had a hand in it and conveniently failed to discuss it with me or ensure I got a copy of the will.

I'm so disappointed that my sister thought this was okay. Other than seethe, I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that there is nothing I can do. The last year or so has been horrid. I always thought I had a good relationship with my sister but have seen a very different side to her that I really don't like. This is almost the icing on the cake.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom that might make me feel a bit better?

This would not bother me at all because, I would be dead. If you had a child I maybe able to understand your hurt but I don’t see inheritance as a given under any circumstances.

🙄

If you don't think your Mum could decide those numbers then she wasn't capable of making a will at all.
Or did you only have an issue with it now you think its unfair?

And as a PP says you won't be around to care in any case

So you don’t have children?

I can kind of see the point. Why would your mum leave half her estate to your dh? He’s not dependent, and presumably she’d rather see her money end up with the grandchildren, which it won’t if you’d dh gets it.

better than dh’s mum who left every named asset to his sister and her kids, (isa, shares, bonds, property etc). he gets half of what’s left (ie the few quid in her current account). No way his sister didn’t have a hand in that.

It's not the money as potentially there might not be any left after care home fees.

It's the principle of my sister potentially organising it and not even bothering to share that information. Quite convenient for her if I pop my clogs.

If you’d been asked for your input, what would you have preferred?

Well if you die your DH will get 20%, if your sister dies then her DH will only get 10%, so your DH would be better off.

I think its natural that your mum would leave her grandchildren money in the will, rather than your DH who is really only family via yourself.

For what it worth in my mum's will, if I died first then 100% was going to my neice. Nothing to my DH. I had no problem with that, its was my mums wishes afterall.

To be honest, I don't know. I would probably have agreed to those figures but I would have liked a three way discussion with my Mum and my sister. As it is, I'm not 100% sure that my Mum would have fully understood.

At the time, my Mum was at the tail end of a prolonged bout of delirium following a hospital stay. She's also never been very savvy with paperwork or finances. Would quite happily sign something if someone important looking told her it was okay.

If the shoe were on the other foot, I would have involved my Sister.

Just to reiterate, it's not really the division of money or who gets what. It's the fact that I've found this out almost by accident.

That's amazingly thoughtful of your sister. Surely the vast majority of people wouldn't have thought to volunteer a share of their own inheritance to their late sibling's widower.

I honestly don't think you've thought it through. If that clause hadn't gone in,the default position is that your sister's share would have passed to her children, but your share would have gone to your sister, 100%.

Your sister and mother between them have agreed that in this unlikely situation, 10% of your sister's inheritance should instead go to your DH.

It's their choice, because it's their money, the money that your DM would be leaving and that would naturally go to DSis.

My sister is significantly better off than me. Her DH has already inherited from his parents.

DH will not inherit from his parents. In fact, we currently fund them several hundred a month and had to bail out his sister last year.

Not that either are relevant really.

I mean, I guess it would have been nice to talk to you at the time in case you wanted to tell them that DH is shagging rhe gardener and doesn't deserve any inheritance.

So thoughtful that she didn't bother to discuss it with me or share the will?

It would have been nice to tell you, I'm personally a believer in sharing wills in advance, and as I said, maybe you secretly loathed DH: who knows what's going on behind closed doors.

But the main reason to share wills is to avoid nasty surprises, and there aren't any in this will, just a generous one.

Also, the default position if my sister dies before my Mum is that I would inherit everything. It wouldn't go to her children at all.

I'm not that mean that I would expect that to happen though.

No, the default is that any money left to your child/grandchild goes to their children/grandchilden if they predecease you, for very obvious reasons.

You’re annoyed that if you and your sister die then your husband will inherit more than your BIL?

That’s not the default at all. If that’s been written into your mother’s will when your sister has children it would be highly unusual

At the time the will was written, I know that my Mum wouldn't have had the wherewithall to decide these figures.

Well then she also didn't have the wherewithal to decide it's 50/50, and make any decision on what to do if you pre-deceased her that was acceptable to you.

I actually think this is a fairly generous will as far as your DHs are concerned. Would most people leave part of their estate to their late child's widow/er? I wouldn't expect to inherit anything from my in-laws if DH died.

Honestly your getting yourself in a whole world of turmoil about a situation that is really unlikely to happen. Why dont you just ask your mum why she made that decision?However, it's really upto your mum how she chooses to leave any inheritance.

I can see that if you thought that the default position was that if your sister died you got the lot then this might seem like you're being disinherited without having the right to give your opinion, and this would explain your strange reaction.

But that's not how it works at all. If your sister dies then her share goes to her children unless the will specifically disinherits them in words of one syllable.

Why are you so certain your sister had any hand in it? The will makes sense as many others have pointed out, if anything I find money going to the partners to be weird, normally inheritance stays in the family, so you, your sister or her kids

My Mum has dementia and probably wouldn't remember.

Why do you think this has come from your sister. I know my parents did wills that on second death was to us kids, then if any of us die to our kids, if no children of our own to our surviving siblings. That is absolutely normal. Two of us have no kids, I would not in a million years expect them to leave even a tiny bit to my husband.

It is unusual to give anything to your son in law rather than your own descendants.

I'm not sure that is the default position.

In general, where a beneficiary dies before the deceased their gift will fail and they will not receive anything from the deceased's Estate. However, if the beneficiary survives the deceased but then dies before receiving their inheritance, usually their inheritance will form part of their Estate to be passed on according to their Will or the Rules of Intestacy.

There is no expectation for it all to come to me whatsoever. I'm not that selfish.

I'm just disappointed that my sister couldn't even discuss it with me or share the will either before or after it was written. I just couldn't imagine doing that to her.