Elderly Father insists no funeral

[Lesr98]

He says it’s a waste of money and so we’ve found somewhere that plant a tree in a love one’s memory instead. This is fine but I was thinking if someone could say a few words, talk about him, his life, etc.

Is this a celebrant? Or do they only go to crematoriums? There won’t be that many of us but thought it nice to celebrate his life. Has anyone done this?

Not quite an answer, but my father didn't want a funeral either. We had a couple of his closest friends around and reminisced about him. They brought an unfinished bottle of whisky and we finished it in his memory. Slightly unorthodox, but is a comforting memory of saying goodbye.

I am sorry for your loss. I hope your memories bring you comfort.

Funeral celebrants will go anywhere you are prepared to pay them! However, isn't this exactly what your father doesn't want?

Oh I'm so sorry. I misread your post.

My Grandfather didn't want a funeral. He wanted a party or something similar so we called it "A celebration of life"
He had an 'unaccompanied cremation' so no funeral with none of us there and the ashes were scattered elsewhere.
A few weeks after this we had a gathering at his local favourite venue. Buffet, open bar, no one in black. My mum made up a few A2 boards with different photos of family and friends throughout his life.
I did a wee speech/toast about his life - history, funny stories etc. and invited others to chip in with nice stories etc. so we didn't have anyone official like a celebrant or whatever. We just did it ourselves and it was really nice, and I think he would have been happy.

My mother didn't want a funeral.

We held a memorial service. My siblings and I felt we needed the closure.

If that makes us bad children then so be it. We had as good an afternoon as you ever can at these things and saw lots of her friends.

You did the right thing. Funerals aren’t for the dead, they’re for those who are left behind.

It seems to be becoming a lot more common these days and it's something I think id prefer. The cost is so prohibitive for funerals and it seems a waste to me. Perhaps a lovely party to celebrate his life? I really love that idea. I realise this isn't the same for everybody of course.

The same for my mum, she requested no funeral. She was cremated with no family present. We had a lovely celebration of life at a local woodland centre, she was a runner so a few friends went for a run or a walk in the woods, then my husband and a few of her friends said a few words, we had pizzas and coffee and everyone went home. Unconventional but perfect for the woman my mum was.

I plan to have a Direct Cremation
Then a get together in the local with music, fish and chipsand and my kids can place my Teal coloured urn on a speaker with a glass of Jamesons beside it !

I’m also planning a Direct Cremation as O don’t want my family paying a fortune for a coffin, etc,. I have requested that they have a good old party though & I’d really like my ashes sent up in a firework.

I will be having a direct cremation. I will pay for it in advance so that I can not be overruled.

It is my body, I have the right to decide how it is disposed of. If I wanted to give it to science or for organ donation, I could not be overruled by my family.

I absolutely disagree that family get to pick what they want when it is clearly against my wishes. Especially as they would be using my money to do this - it would be against everything that I believe in and would be akin to ignoring religious funeral rights because they didn't like them.

This is important to me. My family are aware of the strength of my feelings about it.

My mum has paid for a private cremation, we just pick her ashes up after and that's that

Funerals are for the living

Rather controlling of you to insist on how things are done after you’re dead. If I was your relatives I’d ignore everything.

My mother wanted a direct funeral for environmental reasons and she was an atheist. She wanted to separate the cremation from any social event and reduce stress for us immediately after her death. This gave us the freedom and time to plan a celebration of life a few months later.

Although a direct funeral is unattended, the company we chose did allow all kinds of requests, like we could send messages, cards, emails etc to them to go in with mum to her committal. Also we chose music and readings to be read out. They could have scattered her ashes there or return them to us.

We understood and respected her wishes but it was odd to actually go through the process as none of us had. It was made very much easier by the kindness we met with.

I am going for a basic cremation, no service. Save the money, scatter me over a cliff (or quiet deserted beach), go out for a nice meal and drink wine and whiskey instead.

@Deathbyathousandcats

What??

So if I were of a certain religion, you would say 'stuff that, I'm ignoring all the religious rituals that were important to my parent and do whatever the fuck I like'

Why the hell should you decide what happens to me?

TBH I don’t give two hoots what happens to you, since you asked.

I don't want a funeral. I wouldn't object to a speeding ticket on the way to the crem though.

My dads cousin had the most wonderful send off - slightly different as he was being buried on their farm, but he'd met with the celebrant beforehand and planned out what he wanted said and then everyone stood in the orchard and laughed about his love of tractors together. It was really him.
Due to COVID, both of my parents had direct cremations and then we scattered their ashes somewhere beautiful that they loved. My dad would have totally approved, but I would have liked a small gathering to share his life with

If he says "no funeral", then that's what he means. A celebrant is not needed. We would all hate for our wishes not to be followed, so we should respect the choices of others.

You don't have to have a funeral to have a wake or some sort of get together in his memory. I don't think he would object to that would he?

If it’s only a small number of you could you go for a meal together. Maybe print a memory book of photos to pass round and chat about his life rather than a formal talk from a celebrant. That said I do think funerals are for the living and it is up to you what you want to do once someone has died.

I want a direct cremation, cheap as possible. My kids can spend the saved money on a fabulous holiday, where they can raise a glass or 2 to their old Mum. Give the kids a few grand each, or some random funeral director? No brainer.

No formal funerals for either my mum or my dad. Family got together and played music they loved and talked about them.

This is fantastic! 😄