Long story so I'll try to be succinct without omitting anything which may be relevant.
Mum (82), widowed and lives alone. Has had Parkinson's for 15 years then diagnosed with associated dementia in 2018. Two daughters, me (48) and sister (52) both live nearby and both have chronic health conditions.
Mum had a health crisis in 2014 and after hospital discharge sister and I shared 24/7 care between us for a few months until she was well enough to manage alone with us continuing to share routine shopping & cleaning.
All fine until first lockdown in March 2020. I am self-employed and live alone so I volunteered to be in a "bubble" with Mum as she was clinically vulnerable and I virtually moved in taking on all tasks. This seemed to suit sister who at the time was working part-time in the NHS. A week or two in and sister was told to shield herself given her underlying health condition so she was at home on full-pay. During the following three months sister rarely phoned Mum and never contacted me to see how we were getting on. I sent a message asking her to please phone Mum a bit more often that she was doing and she took umbrage.
By July 2020 the easing of Covid restrictions meant that I could return to work which I was keen to do given that I had had no income whatsoever since March. I messaged sister to say that I would be restarting work and that she would need to take over Mum's care. My work involves mixing with large groups of public and it would have been considered risky for me to have then returned to Mum's potentially exposing her to Covid. Sister, I suspect had been quite enjoying lockdown, she is very insular, and she clearly did not want to do it, ignoring my calls and messages. She instead arranged for Mum to employ our cousin to take over the shopping, cleaning and laundry. Cousin was also working in other people's homes and had four children who were back at school so sister was knowingly allowing Mum to be exposed to Covid rather than step up and help Mum herself.
Mum's dementia progressed during this period and our cousin soon gave up. Sister, who was still refusing to communicate with me, immediately arranged for a SS assessment and paid carers were tasked with visits to Mum four times per day to administer medication and by now personal care was needed as Mum had become incontinent.
Current situation is sister visits Mum three times per week, I go the other four days with carers attending five time daily now. Sister declares that she is the "main carer" and she has locked away all Mum's medical & financial papers to which only she has access.
She has told the carers however that I am to be the first point of contact in any emergency and she has told Mum that she is not to phone her outside of her scheduled routine visits as she will not come out to her - Mum is to call me. Sister is very routine orientated and does not like to deviate or be disturbed.
Mum is deteriorating rapidly and really needs full-time care now. She is always very confused, literally has no short-term memory and needs constant reassurance. I have again tried to contact sister to discuss options i.e sharing full-time care again or possibly care home but she continues to ignore me.
Anyway, I have recently discovered that sister has had a solicitor to Mum's and a POA for both health and finances has been arranged and registered with my sister as sole attorney. I have seen the solicitor's letters confirming all of this.
The letters also mention a will but no details.
When I gently questioned Mum she said that she thinks she has signed a will naming sister as sole beneficiary and executor of her estate (currently consisting of house £300k & savings £250k and increasing due to high income and low outgoings).
Mum tells me that she thinks she has been stupid, she says she was told that she had to do it and that she just did what she was told. She has always previously refused to even consider preparing a will as she didn't think she needed one, she said that everything would by default be shared between both of us.
Obviously at this stage I don't know for definite if this is what sister has done as Mum clearly isn't certain and her copy of the will is with my sister, but the signs are there an other things are starting to ring alarm bells now. Thinking that maybe sister's reluctance to consider a care home could be because she has an eye on protecting her "inheritance", she has also been critical of Mum wanting to but any new clothes and spending any money on house maintenance. She has also told other members of the family that they are not to visit without arranging it through her when she can be present.
I know that none of us is owed an inheritance, it is Mum's money to do with as she sees fit and I would much rather she use it to provide comfort now whilst she is still here and it sickens me to think that my sister may have set her sights on getting as much as she can especially if it gives her a way of also "punishing" me. I know that this would not be what Mum would want.
I really don't want to "fight" my sister, I would much rather spend what time and energy I have making life easier for my Mum.
Any suggestions as how I should proceed will be gratefully considered.