Argh... Any one else feel like Cinderella?!

[MemyselfandI2019]

I love my family, but fuck me I'm exhausted and hiding in my car ATM! I moved in with my elderly nan 6 months ago with my 8 year old son as she needed someone there over night. My mum (Nans daughter) gets the carers allowance and definitely deserves it as she keeps everything ticking over and without her I would be completely on my arse! So today my day started at 6am when my cat woke me up wanting cuddles with his human, nans dog started barking at 6.30am so I let him out etc, got my son up and ready for school, got my nan up, sorted her breakfast, drinks and meds, took my son to school, put the dishes away, cooked home made soup for nans lunch, blow dried her hair, took her for a walk in the garden, made sure she has had enough to drink and go to the toilet. Mum is taking her out for 2 hours this afternoon tea at a lovely place for people with dementia. I have a list of chores to do, need to pick my son up from school with 2 of his friends (son is a young carer so do not want him to miss out on life). I am exhaused, skint (as I can't work) and just fed up. I feel like Cinderella without a ball at the end! I'm asleep by 9.30 every night!

A child is defined as a young carer if they live with a family member who needs additional support. They may not do hands on care, but their lives, friendships and education are affected by their caring role. This is recognised by charities and social care professionals.

Thats not relevant. A Young Carer is any child who lives with a family member with additional needs, sibling, parent or grandparent.

I think people are just concerned about an 8 year old boy having to help out looking after his great grandparent when there is two adults already doing it . If your mum is getting the allowance could your grandmother live with her giving you free time so you could rest or get a job?
or get part time carers . Sorry must be very difficult.

No it’s not. It’s a young person who helps to look after the person.

the op did say the 8 year old helps

You are so wrong. I am a Support Worker for Young Carers with the UKs largest Carers Support charity. A young carer is any child who lives with someone who has additional needs. This could mean a sibling with a disability, a parent with a serious illness or MH issues, a grandparent with dementia. It is NOT about hands on care necessarily. It is recognised that a child living with someone with additional needs has more school absences, lower educational attainment and can also suffer more from poverty and isolation.

Can you really not comprehend that a child living with a sick grandparent, seeing their mother working hard to care for them is not affected by that? How sad.

I think the reason social services have names her son as a young carer is because this will enable him to access special support and activities - such as trips out places . This may be helpful for him if his mum and grandma are caring for his great grandma . There is a special charity which works with young carers to give them these extra opportunities. Hopefully this is the case here .

"No it’s not. It’s a young person who helps to look after the person."

The Op's son has met whatever criteria her Council has laid out. So not really for you to decide otherwise.

You are so WRONG!

But it does. By every definition used by social care and anyone who works with Carers. Educate yourself, it might make you less judgemental.

You feel like Cinderella, because - well, you're being treated as Cinderella! You live where you live to serve the needs of another person. Your days revolve around the tasks serving the needs of that other person. It doesn't sound as if you get recognition for what you do - would it have killed your mum to treat you to afternoon tea too? Or did she reinforce all the household tasks waiting for your attention?

OP, how did this state of affairs come about? You say you can't work, is that because you have no time to work due to your time being devoted to your nan's care? If so, how was it decided (and by who) that you would sacrifice your financial independence for others' benefit?

Can you get direct payments from your council for your Nan or some kind of care package funded by ss?

Could you get a cleaner once a week just to help lighten the load a bit or a dog walker ? Some charities offer a befriending service for the elderly too

Can you stop derailing the thread @Tipsyturvychocolatemonster ?

Are you and your argumentative friends on this thread MRAs?

Well said.

Given I took that definition from YOUR website, perhaps you could be less condescending?

That was to @hangsangwitch

I am Young Carer support worker with the UKs largest Carers charity. I think I understand the definition of what a YC is better than you thanks. Educate yourself and it may increase your empathy.

What website? I didn't tell you who I worked for.
Why are you so adamant to define OPs child as NOT being a young carer. Why would you NOT want this boy to receive support? Weird. If local social services and his local carers service are ok with it, it sad that you are so hung up on precise definitions to deny him that. Sad.

My DS was classed as a young carer as his older sister was severely disabled. We never expected him to provide any care for his sister but that doesn't mean that his life wasn't massively impacted by the fact that I was a ft unpaid carer and that the needs and routines of the family had to revolve around his sister. We did our utmost to make sure he didn't miss out on stuff. Young carers organisations don't just help children who provide care for parents with disabilities or health needs. They often provide a club/activities so that the young person can meet with others who understand what life is like when it is restricted by caring duties.

The OP's son's life will most definitely be affected by his mother having to care for Nan. That makes him a young carer.

And yes OP being a carer is full on knackering whilst trying to juggle normal family life. I did it for 22 years so I've got the t-shirt!

Based on the definition below and OP mention that he helps Nan walk and gets her drinks, OP’s son counts as a young helper. And now the blitherers have run off another OP. Well bloody done.

What might a young carer do?

Practical tasks, like cooking, housework and shopping.
Physical care, such as helping someone out of bed.
Emotional support, including talking to someone who is distressed.
Personal care, such as helping someone dress.
Managing the family budget and collecting prescriptions.
Helping to give medicine.
Helping someone communicate.
Looking after brothers and sisters

What are you living on ? Why are you skint... has your nan had a care assessment and direct payments for her care needs and also attendance allowance?
If you weren't living there where would she be? Whats the plan when she passes?..
To get carers allowance you nedd to be providing 35hrs a week care...sk it would seem that should be paid to you really ...
Is there a local carer support group they maybe able to make sure you are all getting what you should.... including respite....even if you are rural

Its very hard work but sounds like you're not getting all the support you should...

Anyways .... OP, I am glad your boy is getting some support. It seems really difficult and perhaps your local carers org can offer some more advice. They can advise you on benefits you may be able to claim or other help you can access. It does seem like you perhaps should be the one getting the carers allowance (little as it is), with your mum in more admin support role (which is obviously a huge responsibility, but perhaps less time consuming).

There has to be a way to make this a little easier for you.

You have missed rhe point. The point is why is a little eight year old having to do this when the lady has two full time adult carers. The op doesn’t work. Her mum gets the allowance so is providing full time care, the op there as she doesn’t work so why is this little lad a carer.

we all know what it is, the question is why.

Op you have my sympathy, caring is hard.

You should have the allowance… you do the majority of the care and you can’t work because of it. Your mum could work because she is doing a couple of hours here and there. She goes home at night and can sleep through, doesn’t have the mental load of making meals, doctors appointments etc . Yes the wheels might fall off if she didn’t the bit she does - but there’s no bloody bus at all without you.

Your ds is a young carer, his life is directly impacted by living as he does .

Is there anyone else to help? Does your grandma have other children? Can you access respite care. if you don’t look after yourself, then the situation will end as you will put your ds first and move out and unless you shout this from the rooftop people snd Ss will let it continue

Are you deliberately acting thick or is it just what you are? It has been explained many times on this thread what a young carer is. Why dont you pop off elsewhere and be thick and let op come back for the support she came for.