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Elderly parents

Two elderly mums reduced to vegetables in days - what are they giving them??

67 replies

Ticksallboxes · 20/06/2022 16:26

In the last week both my elderly mum and my sister's elderly MIL (in another part of the country) have been admitted to hospital.

My mum has gone in on the recommendation of her GP for what's called a social assessment. Her mobility has got so bad that my dad is struggling to care for her and she needs to be kept in while they organise a care package (which we eventually pay for). My sister's MIL went in for a urinary tract infection. Both women's minds were fine if a little slow sometimes.

I visited my mum for the first time yesterday and my sister's DH also visited his over the past few days and we're both shocked at how much they've both changed in a matter of days. My mum literally seems like they've removed her brain - like the lights are on but no one's home!

It's heartbreaking and frightening and I'm wondering, as the other mum is practically the same, that the hospital are drugging them up to the eyeballs without their consent. There are six other women on her ward and they are all like that - zombies just staring straight ahead, not reading, listening to music, watching TV etc.

My mum is on a lot of medication for various things, but she's been on them at home for months and she was fine mentally until now.

It's so sad - I just want to bring her home but I know my dad couldn't cope without the carers, so we just need to wait.

Has anyone had a similar experience or can explain this? It feels like a horror film...

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 20/06/2022 16:30

They are very unlikely to be drugging them to be compliment. You can ask what medication they are on and why. It maybe the UTI, hospital acquired dementia or just being in unfamiliar surroundings. MIL and other will be in hospital because they are unwell and when I’ve been ill enough to be in hospital I was so ill that I was laying staring at a wall.

courtrai · 20/06/2022 16:35

Definitely ask for UTI screening- can have hideous consequences for older people

missbipolar · 20/06/2022 16:37

To be blunt there's almost no dr that would risk their career by drugging a patient. UTIs in older people are known for making them go a bit odd, and being in hospital takes a toll on someone's mental health as well

RollaCola84 · 20/06/2022 16:41

Dehydration ? The last time my grandmother was in hospital we were told she might need assessing for potential dementia as she was confused. We established that she couldn't really reach her water jug and was worried about being a nuisance asking for help going to the toilet so was barely drinking anything. As soon as that was sorted she was exactly as she'd been before she went in.

EvilPea · 20/06/2022 16:52

Yes dehydration and a uti.
it’s been very hot and they haven’t the staff to make sure everyone’s drinking as often as they should. You could take in squash or something to try and help.

im very sorry. It’s horrid

BlackbirdsSinging · 20/06/2022 16:53

Confusion due to change in surroundings and routine?

Itsbackagain · 20/06/2022 17:03

Delirium is extremely common with the elderly in hospital particularly when combined with uti

Anotherusernamethisweek · 20/06/2022 17:05

Ask to speak to the nurse in charge. Ask what medication she is ion. Ask which medications are new. Let them know she is not normally like this. Ask to speak to her consultant.

I wouldn't automatically assume UTI unless you have cause to assume that.

You are allowed to be participating in her care so if you can make sure you're there for meal times and making sure she's drinking enough etc that is in your mums best interest. Be involved so you know what's happening. If visiting times are not over meal times etc speak to the nurse in charge/matron to see if they will allow you to help, they're probably understaffed so might be grateful for the help.

WeLoveYouMissHanigan · 20/06/2022 17:06

My dad was a vacant shell of a man when he was sick. UTI, dehydration and kidney infection i think too I thought he was about to die. He just seemed GONE.

that was three years ago now 🙌.

KangarooKenny · 20/06/2022 17:07

They won’t be drugging them !
Its a combination of dehydration, not eating enough, not being stimulated, and being in an unfamiliar place.
Go to visit and make sure she drinks, and take something for her to eat.

Cherrysherbet · 20/06/2022 17:13

My lovely mum has spent a lot of time in hospital this last year. The first time she deteriorated so fast, due to lack of stimulation. Just expected to sit with no tv, and nothing to do. We brought her a DVD player with a screen, but the staff never put it on for her, no matter how much we asked. It was awful to see her just sat staring into space. She was very traumatised.
She dehydrated twice in hospital, but they said it was her own fault as she must have been tipping the drink away! She was so poorly.
I really sympathise, as it’s such a worrying situation to be in as a relative.

It has been a real eye opener for me. I wasn’t aware of how badly elderly people get treated in our hospitals. The really scary thing is that as a society we just seem to accept it.

Something has to change.

Peakypolly · 20/06/2022 17:16

Do they wear hearing aids? When my MIL was hospitalised with a uti she did suffer with a degree of confusion. It transpired her hearing aid was not being correctly charged and she was not alert enough to realise/tell anyone.

Ticksallboxes · 20/06/2022 17:21

Thanks for your replies - it was such a shock seeing her yesterday. She can hardly converse whereas only last week we were giggling about something funny that had happened.

The key thing is, she's not sick (my sister's MIL is the one with the UTI) - health-wise she's no different to how she was at home a week ago, as she's only in for a social assessment (care needs for home). That's why the change in her is so shocking.

OP posts:
SilverGlitterBaubles · 20/06/2022 17:22

Sadly this is often now the situation for older people in hospital because there is not enough staff to help them. It is worth asking questions, has her medication changed? Has she been given sleeping tablets which perhaps leave her dehydrated and groggy next day? Is she getting enough to eat and drink? Is she getting to the toilet ok? Could she have an infection as PPs have said UTI? Please don't be fobbed off or take no for an answer too many old people deteriorate unnecessarily in hospital.

EmmaH2022 · 20/06/2022 17:23

Ticksallboxes · 20/06/2022 17:21

Thanks for your replies - it was such a shock seeing her yesterday. She can hardly converse whereas only last week we were giggling about something funny that had happened.

The key thing is, she's not sick (my sister's MIL is the one with the UTI) - health-wise she's no different to how she was at home a week ago, as she's only in for a social assessment (care needs for home). That's why the change in her is so shocking.

Have I got this right
your mum is staying in a hospital when she isn't ill? Why was she admitted?

DurhamDurham · 20/06/2022 17:27

It's very unusual to admit a patient for an assessment, they would usually be transferred out of hospital unit a rehab facility or similar for a needs assessment. I've never heard of someone being admitted without being ill/having an accident.

Also I know it's not what's on your mind right now but the title of your post is awful, vegetables is a horrible way to describe anyone.

SirenSays · 20/06/2022 17:28

missbipolar · 20/06/2022 16:37

To be blunt there's almost no dr that would risk their career by drugging a patient. UTIs in older people are known for making them go a bit odd, and being in hospital takes a toll on someone's mental health as well

I really wish this were true, but I've seen first hand that it's not. Trust your gut OP

LongPath · 20/06/2022 17:29

I don't think it's usual to admit someone to assess them for social care. Wouldn't they do that at home to see how she copes?

658Doyouknowwheremysparkis · 20/06/2022 17:30

Another vote for dehydration and make sure the hospital is giving them the correct medication that they may take at home? ( a mistake was made with my DH due to busy staff) although they are given water, can they reach it? Is the jug too heavy are they scared of wetting the bed re UTI … I try to be around with the doctor and ask questions with my DH there …. Really rough for them and you and I hope the issue is rapidly identified and solved.

ToastedBunny · 20/06/2022 17:31

It’s also really important IME to tell the nursing staff that the the patient is confused and not themselves. My late grandmother had an electrolyte imbalance that caused confusion but due to her age the staff assumed it was normal for her. Family members need to advocate loudly for them and highlight the decline.

Octomore · 20/06/2022 17:31

What you describe doesn't make sense - hospitals do not normally admit patients who are not ill.

Ponderingwindow · 20/06/2022 17:36

Hospital induced delirium. My dad was in a multi-person ward for a few days when he was very Ill and it got bad. It’s the light and the noise. Once he got into a private space that was kept on a regular day night cycle and was quieter, he got better.

ToooOldForThis · 20/06/2022 17:39

When my elderly dad was in hospital I thought he wasn't going to come out. He slowly came back to being himself when he got home but it took time. When are you likely to get her home?

viques · 20/06/2022 17:41

EmmaH2022 · 20/06/2022 17:23

Have I got this right
your mum is staying in a hospital when she isn't ill? Why was she admitted?

@EmmaH2022 I doubt you will see this since you couldn’t even be bothered to read the first post where the OP explained exactly why her mum had been admitted. I can understand why people miss updates though a long thread, but please, at least try to read the first post.

EmmaH2022 · 20/06/2022 17:42

viques · 20/06/2022 17:41

@EmmaH2022 I doubt you will see this since you couldn’t even be bothered to read the first post where the OP explained exactly why her mum had been admitted. I can understand why people miss updates though a long thread, but please, at least try to read the first post.

Many apologies to you and the OP.

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